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Old 05-19-2009, 07:09 AM
 
Location: Right where I want to be.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
We have one familymember who is extremely frugal and another one who gets mad about it all the time. "They are sooo cheap"

Our frugal members often give gifts of things that they aquired for free or for next to nothing. If I like a gift, I like it, I do nto care what it cost. However another family member gets mad becuse the frugal pair are the best able to afford things out of anyone. Because they are frugal, they paid off their house in seven years. They drive really cruddy old beat up and worn out cars where almost nothing works. The eat all their meals at home. However when one of them recently had to quit working due to a health problem, the loss of income was no big deal. That is not a bad way to live. I cannot understand why other family members get mad ab9out it. As far as i am concerned, it is none of my business. except that I am proud of them for being good stewards of their money and resources. I wish I could be that way.
Would you like to be an honorary member of our family?? LOL We have one family member that sounds like yours, ungrateful only because they know we paid little to nothing for the gift we might give them. I'd like to trade them in for you please.

One year we gave them each very expensive cologne/perfume. They thought it was great until they found out that the items were given to DH as part of a promotional package from a customer and that we had not actually paid for them. We couldn't wear it but it was something we knew they would like, something we might have purchased anyway. Well, actually not. The value of the 'free' gift was much more than we would have spent otherwise ($150+). I could not believe they were upset by the gift simply because it was free to us and we gave it to them. I don't let it bother me now....we'll have our house paid off soon enough and I just don't give them any more of our 'free' $150 gifts. I guess they're in with the crowd that thinks we are cheap and selfish.

Last edited by NCyank; 05-19-2009 at 07:18 AM..
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Old 05-19-2009, 07:24 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NCyank View Post
Really? So when we found a very nice phone system (base and 4 handsets!!) for my IL's that was just what they wanted, and it happened to be on clearance, and it happened to have a rebate so that when all was said and done we paid $0 we were being cheap and selfish to give it to them for Christmas?

Drats, that means this year when we give out the pen and stationary sets that we got FAR (free after rebate) that we are being cheap and selfish too. Too bad, my Aunt, Mom and MIL would have really liked them. I guess I better go spend some real money on some piece of carp from Target or the mall so they know how much I love them and don't think I am cheap and selfish.

And poor DD, I fear she is cheap and selfish too. She paid $1 at a yard sale for a computer game to give to her brother. He LOVES the game and if she would have purchased it at the store it would have been $25+. She took the remaining $24 and was able to buy him some books he wanted as well. I can't believe I am raising such a cheap and selfish kid. Shame on me!!



Psst......The value of a gift is not what you pay for it.
No, I agree with you completely. In fact, my sister and I have an ongoing gift exchange (she is like me on the bargain hunting) that is a year round thing. We each have a "box" (can be a big bag, garbage bag, cardboard box, or chest or whatever we've found that works) where we collect things of interest, need, want - at basement bargain prices. We buy second-hand, get it for free from someone that was getting rid of it, or even give something of our own we're tired of. Over the year it builds on itself. Whenever we see each other, we exchange our "boxes" and its like Christmas. She is thrilled for a half hour or so as she pulls out item after item, as am I. She lives in another state, so we dont get to see each other very often. We always recant the story of how an item was acquired, which usually always ends with "Can you BELIEVE that?!" And we laugh and have a great time. It is the best thing ever, to us. She has some beautiful pottery I found for .39c or .49c each at the Salvation Army that would not be afforded if purchased from its creator (verrry expensive stuff).

I have also found gorgeous antique items, cleaned them well, placed treats in them (like flowers, candies, a scarf, etc) and given them to others that absolutely LOVED the gifts and thought it was very creative, to boot.

I purchased a beautiful basket from a second-hand shop last year, and over time, filled it with other nice things (candies, a mug, hot chocolate mix, Christmas-themed tea towels, trail mix bag, etc etc) and tied a (second-hand) really nice ribbon on the handle and gave it to a neighbor for a Christmas gift - which she adored. To buy that gift basket new would have cost me $50-$100 and I NEVER would have done that.
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Old 05-19-2009, 07:28 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NCyank View Post
Would you like to be an honorary member of our family?? LOL We have one family member that sounds like yours, ungrateful only because they know we paid little to nothing for the gift we might give them. I'd like to trade them in for you please.

One year we gave them each very expensive cologne/perfume. They thought it was great until they found out that the items were given to DH as part of a promotional package from a customer and that we had not actually paid for them. We couldn't wear it but it was something we knew they would like, something we might have purchased anyway. Well, actually not. The value of the 'free' gift was much more than we would have spent otherwise ($150+). I could not believe they were upset by the gift simply because it was free to us and we gave it to them. I don't let it bother me now....we'll have our house paid off soon enough and I just don't give them any more of our 'free' $150 gifts. I guess they're in with the crowd that thinks we are cheap and selfish.
Thats really sad...
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Old 05-19-2009, 07:32 AM
 
596 posts, read 2,494,392 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by normie View Post
These two statements are contradictory. When you say things like "I wont coddle (sp?), walk on eggshells, sugar-coat or deny my own feelings" you are being hyper defensive. Being respectful of other people doesn't mean you are coddling them or denying your own feelings--can't you see that when you talk that way you're being, frankly, judgemental. Not to mention overly sensitive. You can deny it loudly if you like that "I am NOT judgemental" but that's not how you come across.


It's all the same. You come across as judgemental, whether you want to believe it or not. As a result people judge you in return. It may help to focus on something else. Choose to be oblivious to what you perceive to be their judgement.

It might also help to let go of the idea that you are going to manage other people. People are going to be what they are going to be, the only thing you can manage is how you perceive it and how you react to it.
Excellent point. I'm going to happily march along with my cheap self - its SO MUCH FUN being...cheap! Oops, I mean, frugal! (Whats the difference? Ah, who cares...I yam what I yam..)
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Old 05-19-2009, 07:37 AM
 
596 posts, read 2,494,392 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by normie View Post
These two statements are contradictory. When you say things like "I wont coddle (sp?), walk on eggshells, sugar-coat or deny my own feelings" you are being hyper defensive. Being respectful of other people doesn't mean you are coddling them or denying your own feelings--can't you see that when you talk that way you're being, frankly, judgemental. Not to mention overly sensitive. You can deny it loudly if you like that "I am NOT judgemental" but that's not how you come across.


It's all the same. You come across as judgemental, whether you want to believe it or not. As a result people judge you in return. It may help to focus on something else. Choose to be oblivious to what you perceive to be their judgement.

It might also help to let go of the idea that you are going to manage other people. People are going to be what they are going to be, the only thing you can manage is how you perceive it and how you react to it.
Wait...in response to my request on how to deal with others that turn their noses up at my frugality, I got judged...how did that happen? Am I in the wrong forum for guidance or something? So, people encourage me to spend my money where I dont want to, bug me til I say "look, I cant afford that", I ask about this on the forum, and the answer to my question is that I am being too judgemental? Ok...I'll let it go now...
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Old 05-19-2009, 07:40 AM
 
10,700 posts, read 20,119,835 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jctx View Post
Excellent point. I'm going to happily march along with my cheap self - its SO MUCH FUN being...cheap! Oops, I mean, frugal! (Whats the difference? Ah, who cares...I yam what I yam..)
There's a big difference.

When I talk about giving gifts you get for low cost or free I'm not talking about the stuff you get as a side effect of buying something, or cashing in mileage points to get gift cards, etc. I'm talking about the stuff like old calenders, coupons, etc., all of which a certain family member of mine has given us. It's beyond belief how cheap they are.

Making $100k in the stock market in a month but driving a 14 year old station wagon is being frugal, making $60k/yr but buying the most expensive dinner out and asking everyone to split the check evenly is being cheap. Basically cheap people push the burden of their existence onto others.
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Old 05-19-2009, 07:43 AM
 
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Originally Posted by wheelsup View Post
There's a big difference.

When I talk about giving gifts you get for low cost or free I'm not talking about the stuff you get as a side effect of buying something, or cashing in mileage points to get gift cards, etc. I'm talking about the stuff like old calenders, coupons, etc., all of which a certain family member of mine has given us. It's beyond belief how cheap they are.

Making $100k in the stock market in a month but driving a 14 year old station wagon is being frugal, making $60k/yr but buying the most expensive dinner out and asking everyone to split the check evenly is being cheap. Basically cheap people push the burden of their existence onto others.
Gotcha. I am NOT cheap. I am definitely frugal. My frugality has ZERO affect on others. Unless of course, there is an impact on them when I say I wont go to the mall or eat at a restaurant - which I'm sure there is. But they wont come to the Salvation Army or Goodwill store with me, so we're even.
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Old 05-19-2009, 11:11 AM
 
Location: Southeastern North Carolina
1,607 posts, read 3,112,182 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jctx View Post
Yes! One of the people I am referring to is my own mother, who asked me to not tell her I couldnt afford something. She wanted me to buy crystal candle holders: "they dont make them like this anymore" & "these are Waterford", etc. I had to tell her no way. I also argued over a crystal vase, it was a particular size - good for clipped flowers. I told her I dont put out flowers and if I ever do, I'll use the crystal vase that I have...or I'll put them in a mug! Its all about making do, for me. Not out to impress anyone with china and crystal at this or any other point...

I really appreciate all of your responses so much. Its helped and given me things to think about :-)

If it were me, I would have said "I don't want" in this case, rather than "I can't afford". Let her buy crystal candleholders herself if she wants them.
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Old 05-19-2009, 12:33 PM
 
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If you are frugal you can probably 'afford' it but you don't choose to waste your money on it...

What I don't like are people who say they 'can't afford it' to rub it in that I have saved my money and can afford it while they have made poor choices and can't afford it because of that...sometimes I think they really want to do something but they think I should pay as I have the money.

It's sometimes more a of a whine or complaint rather than than a declaration.

Last edited by Lakewooder; 05-19-2009 at 01:10 PM..
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Old 05-19-2009, 12:35 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellise View Post
If it were me, I would have said "I don't want" in this case, rather than "I can't afford". Let her buy crystal candleholders herself if she wants them.
I think there is a distinction that might be needed. There was a time when some friends of ours wanted to rent Harleys and go for a ride. I cant ride a motor cycle, so I said as much, and let them go on while I did something else fun. I've had others say lets go for a swim (which I do very well) and I've said no thanks, I dont really want to right now (been plenty of times that I've been the first one in, though, so I'm not a big whiner, hehe). So while there have been times when I've said I dont want to do something, at other times when I cant, and people are demanding to know "why" I tell them why...a la 'i cant afford it'. This is the distinction, and in this case, I dont understand why I should say something different...I've had both 'cant' and 'wont' scenarios.
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