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Old 05-19-2009, 12:41 PM
 
2,365 posts, read 10,227,396 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jctx View Post
Sometimes, our friends and family have actually come out and stated that they were tired of hearing us say "we cant afford that" or "we dont have enough money for that" - and usually we were referring to things that were completely unnecessary. Even when we have extra, we refuse to spend it on stuff that is all for show. I seriously think that by us being so frugal all the time, others are afraid of their own spending and sometimes direct anger towards us for highlighting the fact that they are over-spending? Weird...

Yes, Anger is a strong word, but annoyed, yes, I can understand that. Being around broke people can be bummer, since you want to enjoy xy or z with them and you are let down every time.

My suggestion is to become more of a planner! Plan an event which is in your budget once a month and enjoy your friends and family without living on credit or going broke or breaking your budget!

Then do a really big one every year. Make this a group celebration, so the costs are shared. If anyone wants to hire the beatles to play at your party, put your foot down and say NO! ;-))

Some people just rely to heavily on outside stimilation and don't know how to have fun by their own devices!

good luck! having fun!!
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Old 05-19-2009, 01:10 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 3,898,003 times
Reputation: 1896
how about when the "frugal" friends or family are the ones always "complaining" about how they save,save,save and don't want to spend their money on this and that.. or how they can't AFFORD to put their children in summer camps,etc.. making those around them that do these things kind of feel "badly" or uncomfortable... then.... they turn around and purchase a new car,go on a cruise and buy their kids a Rainbow Playset all within months of eachother? how do you repsond to such people who always seem to make others around them feel badly for how they spend their money?
(I am not sure that we feel badly,I think we feel uncomfortable when they are always saying they can't afford this or that) and then turn around and make large purchases such as this...
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Old 05-19-2009, 02:19 PM
 
Location: Virginia Beach, VA
5,517 posts, read 8,763,052 times
Reputation: 2530
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pearl14256 View Post
I have a friend who definitely has a problem with her perception of me as cheap. I just consider myself a much smarter shopper than she is, as we both might have the exact same item, I just paid much less for it. Perfect example is shopping at Marshalls/TJ Maxx/Burlington Coat Factory/etc. I will find Michael Kors Jeans for $40, or a BCBG top for $25 where as she will pay $110 for the jeans and $195 for the same top. Personally I think it's stupid because I am able to get so much more for the same amount of $!!!

Paying $40 for jeans and $25 for a shirt definatley does not qualify you as cheap, it just makes the person paying $110 a complete idiot.

Last edited by Randomdude; 05-19-2009 at 02:31 PM..
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Old 05-19-2009, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Virginia Beach, VA
5,517 posts, read 8,763,052 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TexasHorseLady View Post
Now, HERE is a prime example of the kind of "better than thou" attitude that leads to anger on the part of the recipient, FAR more than frugality. This makes it seem that it's not the frugality but the opportunity to feel better than someone else that's the real motivator and that the frugality is just a vehicle; if it weren't that, it would be something else.

Yes, I live simple to make myself feel better then someone else. Thats EXACTLY it. You found me out.

Sometimes I wonder if people even read what they are typing.

If you or anyone else feels guilty about spending to make YOURSELF feel better then everyone else, thats a you problem. If looking at me in rags or in my garden growing my own food makes you feel guilty, thats also a YOU problem.

Personally, I could give a damn what you think about me. If you ask me why I work so hard in my garden, Ill tell you straight up, Im not paying $1.65 for a pepper. If you ask me why I wear my shoes until my toes poke out, Ill tell you straight out, Im not paying $30 or more for shoes every time they get a scuff, or a pair to match every piece of clothing I have. If you ask me why I never eat out, Ill flat out tell you Im not paying $10 for something I could make for $1.50.

If you have a problem with something Im doing, and you cant hold your tongue, then dont complain when I have no shame in giving you the truth.
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Old 05-19-2009, 02:38 PM
 
1,628 posts, read 5,773,289 times
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I would find it annoying too and I am frugal. I find it very annoying when a friend of mine, who has more money than God, says "I can't afford that." I find it perfectly 100% admirable when she says "I'm not buying that" or "I don't want that" or "I don't need that." I think there is a difference, and though it may seem small, it's quite possible that it's annoying to hear someone who clearly has enough money for things pleading poor when they could just tell the truth.

As I said, I'm frugal too, and proud of it. But I just say I don't need something. Also, don't rub it in others' faces. Don't state "I'm frugal". That sounds very supercilious and like you're under cutting them. Like you're really saying "I don't waste like you do". Just a simple "no thanks" or "not interested."

I think their issue is probably not in your actions but in your words.
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Old 05-19-2009, 02:52 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,527 posts, read 29,228,109 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jctx View Post
Sometimes, our friends and family have actually come out and stated that they were tired of hearing us say "we cant afford that" or "we dont have enough money for that" - and usually we were referring to things that were completely unnecessary. Even when we have extra, we refuse to spend it on stuff that is all for show. I seriously think that by us being so frugal all the time, others are afraid of their own spending and sometimes direct anger towards us for highlighting the fact that they are over-spending? Weird...
So instead of saying... "We can't afford that" or "We don't have enough money for that"... just say.... "You've got to be kidding...We have much better things to spend our money on". *or* "I wouldn't waste a penny on that junk" or "Only idiots would pay good money for something like that".

Should shut them up pretty fast.

20yrsinBranson
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Old 05-19-2009, 03:45 PM
 
Location: Conejo Valley, CA
12,476 posts, read 16,966,907 times
Reputation: 4304
Quote:
Originally Posted by NCyank View Post
Now, I do say "That isn't worth $XX.xx to me." but that's completely different than "I can't afford to buy that."
I also stated "I don't think its worth that....", for precisely this reason. One may not be able to afford something at the moment, or they may think that its not worth the money. Either way, what is wrong with saying it?
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Old 05-19-2009, 04:13 PM
 
Location: Portland, Oregon
7,091 posts, read 10,486,058 times
Reputation: 4104
I've always found that people react with anger when they are confronted with something they are guilty about. I know people who dismiss savings and not just emptying their wallet any time they feel like it to buy their hearts desire, and having some one else doing it with them makes them feel better. I've found in my own experience that because people who do it know they are in trouble because they don't do that and feel ashamed they are so far in the hole because of it.

It's like the irrationality of anger, people will see something in another person they don't like about themselves (or associate them with something bad in their past) and not like people because of it. I knew some one who intensely hated another person, not because they had even met...but she looked like his ex wife.
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Old 05-19-2009, 05:33 PM
 
16,301 posts, read 24,224,691 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wheelsup View Post
I'm sorry.
Why this comment? Just couldn't resist the cheap shot, a roundabout way of bragging about your money.

It must be a shallow reason, otherwise you would have just gone on without comment. Some call it 'cheap', I call it 'smart' and if this recession really goes into a major depression, I suspect the 'cheap' or the 'smart' will fair better.
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Old 05-19-2009, 07:13 PM
 
10,696 posts, read 20,114,276 times
Reputation: 9849
You read way too much into that comment. I certainly don't have a lot of money, more than I have personally ever had save for a brief time in history, but it's not a lot to most. "I'm sorry" for the way this guy feels, it's no way to live life.

Sometimes you really just need to enjoy life. After looking back I was a lot like some of you, talking about how I couldn't afford something, always saving for that mini-vacation that never happened, working my nuts off 18 days a month, etc. Be smart, but you only live once...
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