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Old 11-21-2009, 04:39 PM
 
Location: Kailua Kona, HI
3,199 posts, read 10,959,643 times
Reputation: 3378

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I think the biggest thing you might consider, is look at the title of your post: "Unequally yoked........" Do you really believe that, that the two of you are not equal? That he is somehow on a different (perhaps lower) level than you because he enjoys his wealth? Relax, and enjoy life. You could be as frugal as heck for that retirement and get hit by a bus tomorrow. Reach a compromise in your heart.
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Old 11-21-2009, 06:21 PM
 
Location: SoCal desert
8,095 posts, read 12,738,022 times
Reputation: 14832
Quote:
Originally Posted by taurus430 View Post
I'm a male and I don't agree with these statements. I also am from the old school of "it's our money." I really don't know how couples work things today, if they pool their money together and one manages it to pay the bills. You each keep some spending money. To me , this is how it should be. Every spouse has to have limits on spending or how else will you be able to save for a house, car, vacation etc.

When one spouse is a big spender, he/she is spending "our" money!!! I'm more frugal than DW and a better saver. I too can have that addiction to gadgets, lol, but I know this so I don't shop or when I do, some of it goes back......lol. I also am the main breadwinner so I have more to say. She knows that, that's why we have everything we need, and nice things. Frugal is not being cheap!!!
I was nodding my head and agreeing with you until I came to the part that said "I also am the main breadwinner so I have more to say."

You are very emphatic about it being 'our' money, but your vote has more weight than hers?
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Old 11-21-2009, 06:36 PM
 
Location: Fairfield, CT
5,530 posts, read 8,184,647 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RosemaryT View Post
My husband is an attorney and I'm a writer. Before I met him, I'd been single for almost six years and I'd lived on $12,000 a year or less. I lived a pretty decent lifestyle. I had no debt, I didn't have television or cable tv, and I watched every dollar. I had health insurance with a $10,000 deductible and that suited me just fine.

And by this time, my kids had grown and flown the coop, so there were no kid expenses. Honestly, it wasn't hard to live a good life on $12,000 a year, but then again, I'm a really frugal person.

Here's my question: I'm now (recently) married to a guy who also believes in "no debt" but he spends a lot of money on a lot of stuff. I'd rather live like a pauper and save for our upcoming retirement but he says he'd rather "enjoy the moment" and live each day. Fortunately, he's got a decent income so we can still save, even with his "bon vivant" spending.

But - it's annoying to watch him spend $27 in one night on three glasses of Pinot Noir (at $9 a pop). Anyone else in my boat? How did you resolve it?

He makes all the money. My income is still quite modest.

Rose
The important thing is not how much you spend, but how much you save. If he can enjoy some of his indulgences and still save a sufficient amount of money, and remain debt-free, I don't think you have a lot to worry about.

You need to realize that people in higher paying jobs often have more work-related stress, and need to treat themselves to some luxuries to make it worthwhile to put up with their jobs. There is no comparison, qualitatively, between a lower paying job and a higher paying one in terms of stress and demands. Many people don't realize that.

If you said he was in debt and not saving any money, I'd share your concern. But my advice would be to loosen up and enjoy things a bit. Life is about balance, and the one thing we get here is time, and you never know if you will have a tomorrow. Balance planning for the future with living today.
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Old 11-21-2009, 06:42 PM
 
Location: In America's Heartland
929 posts, read 1,823,445 times
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Once you get married, you should become one and that should include your finances. It's not her money or his money, it should become our money. Each person should get to vote on how the money is spent, saved, and given away. There needs to be some compromising on both ends of this. Asking your husband to live like a pauper might be a stretch, but you might want to seek out an elderly couple who lived their lives like your husband and are now choosing between meds and food. There is a happy medium and I believe that you both should bend enough so that you can enjoy life now, but also are prepared for whatever the future holds. Good luck with this.
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Old 11-21-2009, 08:55 PM
 
Location: NJ
2,111 posts, read 7,122,715 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gandalara View Post
I was nodding my head and agreeing with you until I came to the part that said "I also am the main breadwinner so I have more to say."

You are very emphatic about it being 'our' money, but your vote has more weight than hers?
In some cases, the one who manages "our money" has to have more weight, yes, but it's agreed.

I have more weight but she spends more than me.......LOL
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Old 11-21-2009, 08:58 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,237 posts, read 72,392,137 times
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see the millionaire next door profile of a millionaire is wife is more frugal not less. show me a man that gives away his power and i will show you a loser.
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Old 11-23-2009, 07:26 PM
 
2,038 posts, read 3,648,425 times
Reputation: 3165
Quote:
Originally Posted by RosemaryT View Post
Here's my question: I'm now (recently) married to a guy who also believes in "no debt" but he spends a lot of money on a lot of stuff.
Rose

Honestly, this is the best time to sit down with your husband over an affordable bottle of his favorite Pinot and talk to him about it.
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Old 11-29-2009, 12:27 AM
 
3,994 posts, read 8,724,794 times
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He is an attorney, i assume making over 60k...

Its his money, he can spend it. $30 on drinks while out at a nice place is not absurd at all...

Dont tell a guy how to spend his money. Especially if he is still saving money. you sound nuts spending $12,000 a year. Guy is a lawyer, he should be able to have some luxuries. you only live once
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Old 11-29-2009, 12:29 AM
 
Location: southern california
55,237 posts, read 72,392,137 times
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you will never get rich. spending habits are not minor to a good marriage or to wealth.
bek he is a cutie you probably figure you can change him. women are very confident in this area. they like a challenge.
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Old 11-30-2009, 03:56 PM
 
10,696 posts, read 20,114,276 times
Reputation: 9849
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
you will never get rich. spending habits are not minor to a good marriage or to wealth.
bek he is a cutie you probably figure you can change him. women are very confident in this area. they like a challenge.
Neither will 99.5% of the population before they die, either naturally or prematurely. I guess we should all just eat PB&J, live in a trailer, and play with our selves and save everything we earn.
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