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Old 11-30-2009, 05:33 PM
 
975 posts, read 1,543,370 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by taurus430 View Post
I'm a male and I don't agree with these statements. I also am from the old school of "it's our money." I really don't know how couples work things today,
I'm a male too and my wife doesn't work but I agree with you. IMO, the only reason for seperate finances is because you don't really trust the other person. Other will probably agrue it's about independence. I'd argue marriage isn't about being independant.

To the OP, clearly you knew this before you got married. Either your looking for a excuse or you made a mistake, but obviously you have different views about money and how you want to live. Not good.
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Old 11-30-2009, 06:38 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,706 posts, read 21,760,954 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Traderx View Post
I'm a male too and my wife doesn't work but I agree with you. IMO, the only reason for seperate finances is because you don't really trust the other person. Other will probably agrue it's about independence. I'd argue marriage isn't about being independant.

To the OP, clearly you knew this before you got married. Either your looking for a excuse or you made a mistake, but obviously you have different views about money and how you want to live. Not good.
Not good, but in my experience, expected. It seems that there is always one who is thrifty and one who likes to spend. I am the thrifty one in my partnership. We've hit a wall a couple of times and he's asked me, where is it and how much do we have?

His family struggled, so now he enjoys the finer things in life. My family was poor, struggled, so I save. If my grocery receipt indicates that I've saved $15 on store sales and coupons, that is how much goes into the "other" account. Most of the time we don't miss it. When we've needed it, it's been a blessing. He has his strengths and I have mine.
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Old 12-01-2009, 11:05 AM
 
5,610 posts, read 6,482,099 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerania View Post
Not good, but in my experience, expected. It seems that there is always one who is thrifty and one who likes to spend. I am the thrifty one in my partnership. We've hit a wall a couple of times and he's asked me, where is it and how much do we have?

His family struggled, so now he enjoys the finer things in life. My family was poor, struggled, so I save. If my grocery receipt indicates that I've saved $15 on store sales and coupons, that is how much goes into the "other" account. Most of the time we don't miss it. When we've needed it, it's been a blessing. He has his strengths and I have mine.
Somebody actually uses those "you saved X dollars" as part of their budget? You didn't really save that much unless you were extremely careful to only buy things you would have bought anyway.
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Old 12-02-2009, 01:04 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,706 posts, read 21,760,954 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ferrarisnowday View Post
Somebody actually uses those "you saved X dollars" as part of their budget? You didn't really save that much unless you were extremely careful to only buy things you would have bought anyway.
That was an oversimplification...or maybe I was being too specific. X amount of dollars I saved is not part of my budget. If I come in under budget at the end of the month, then I can do something else with that money.
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Old 12-02-2009, 03:04 PM
 
Location: where the moss is taking over the villages
2,178 posts, read 4,711,294 times
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Maybe he's enjoying every penny of his indulgence! Just love him & enjoy him! You'll become adjusted... someday.

***Just think. If he wasn't there anymore, you'd miss seeing him enjoy his pleasures. Right?***
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Old 12-08-2009, 07:43 PM
 
Location: roaming gnome
12,391 posts, read 23,771,085 times
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have a joint account he puts money into to pay bills, let him do what he wants. Jobs like accountant are stressful and you get paid well to enjoy the time you have. I don't see an issue with it. If you have it, spend it... If you die the money will still be there, but you won't be there to spend it. Now if he was making 12k salary, then, you might need to be frugal. Otherwise have at it.

If you really want to get more into it, have you both put 20% of your salaries, whatever they may be into an account. then spend the rest like you want, simple, no arguments. or you just pick an amount, and put that in.. if he is making 80k and u are only making 12k, i see no reason why he should use the other 68k to do whatever he wants in assuming you are both saving the same amount.

Would you be mad on the other side if he was easily putting 20% in and still spending and you were struggling, but it was "more fair"?

Quote:
Originally Posted by dazzleman View Post
You need to realize that people in higher paying jobs often have more work-related stress, and need to treat themselves to some luxuries to make it worthwhile to put up with their jobs. There is no comparison, qualitatively, between a lower paying job and a higher paying one in terms of stress and demands. Many people don't realize that.
this...they don't just shell out the money for long unless you produce, which is often stressful and the perks are you work hard, and get to play hard.

3 glasses of wine for 27 bucks is nothing, I usually drop around 100 on a friday/saturday out at restaurant and bars + parking, taxi etc..not sure how sometimes, but at the end of the night and my wallet is empty, that 100 from the atm went bye bye. for me though thats like 1-2 hours of work to recoup, for you it can be a whole days work. big difference.

I guess if you haven't worked in both, you wouldn't understand though.

also you are only making 12k a year? thats 5.75 an hour??? local/state min wage here is 8-10. national is $7.25, 15,080 a year assuming 40 hours a week so you must only work 31.8 hours a week on average...

Last edited by grapico; 12-08-2009 at 07:57 PM..
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Old 12-20-2009, 05:48 PM
 
Location: Norfolk
1,574 posts, read 1,978,911 times
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Thanks for the many responses. To answer the question about my income, I'm a writer/author and I work way more than 40 hours a week, but just don't make much money. And it comes in waves. At Christmas time, income goes up. The rest of the year, it's way down. Lawyers, it turns out, make a lot more than writers (which doesn't seem right). However, I love what I do and my books are reference books that'll be around 50 years after I'm dead and buried.

Yes, his job is stressful and it's hard work and he has lots of responsibility. If he does something wrong, a client could end up paying out millions of dollars. That's a lot of stress, and that's why he buys $9 glasses of wine at dinner, three at a time.

If I were him, I'd live like a pauper and retire in a year or two. He just doesn't see it that way. He'd prefer to enjoy life more day by day.

Thanks again for the many responses.
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Old 12-28-2009, 06:58 AM
RHB
 
1,096 posts, read 1,831,339 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RosemaryT View Post
If I were him, I'd live like a pauper and retire in a year or two. He just doesn't see it that way. He'd prefer to enjoy life more day by day.
Ah, but you are not him.

I saw this phrase in the op, and am surprised that it wasn't mentioned in the replies.

Why live like a pauper?

I never considered frugal as living like a pauper. I see it as having the money to do what is important to you.

The simple answer, at least to the wine question, is go out less often. If the wine is being drank as a part of a dinner out, eat at home more often. If it's a social activity, invite people to your house, and drink there.
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Old 12-28-2009, 03:53 PM
 
Location: Seattle
1,362 posts, read 2,846,253 times
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Well the easiest way to resolve it is to talk about it. But that's fairly obvious.

There are many degrees of frugal and many different ways to look at saving/spending money. People who make higher incomes and work really hard doing something that isn't always pleasant generally need a release, and some kind of gratification to reward them for a job well done. This is healthy, and normal, IMO, as long as it's not endangering any kind of financial future or stability, which it seems it is not in this case. It is difficult to continue justifying a high stress, high income career if you never get to feel the fruit of your labor. To most people watching numbers in a savings/investment career increase doesn't really qualify as "enjoying" the fruits of one's labor.

I think of my wife and I as reasonably frugal, but we make pretty solid incomes and work quite hard. That said, we would never consider dumping the data plans on the cell phones, the cable, the nice car, etc. What we try to do is find luxury for less, we try to efficiently spend, save, and reduce the tax bill. I think a similar stance is the best way to approach this. Understand it could hurt his career success and enjoyment if you completely try to cut off his spending (career motivated people really need releases, usually involves spending). I think there's a strong probability he won't listen to you and it will create a rift in your relationship if you try to push the spending thing too much, but from reading your prior posts I think you're aware of this.

Here's a couple practical tips...instead of paying full price for the nice restaurant, check out something like restaurant.com where you can print out coupons for nice restaurants. Instead of paying full price for that Marriot when you take a weekend trip, use priceline.com and bid for it and get a big discount. Shop at Nordstrom Rack instead of the full price stores, etc. Use things like bing.com, ebates, fatwallet to get cashback on the same stuff he buys - make sure he's getting cash back credit cards, 4% interest on checking accounts, etc. If you buy something online check retailmenot.com to see if there's a coupon for that web site. Basically don't attempt to deny him the luxuries he enjoys, but serve the role in helping him (and you!) get those same luxuries or something similar for less money. I think that will go a long way to making you comfortable with his financial habits, and give you both more money in the bank at the end of each month/year.
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Old 12-30-2009, 10:31 AM
 
1,807 posts, read 2,328,560 times
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Something that we often forget is the fact that in many cases opposites attract, especially in the area of personal finance. One spouse's job is often to make sure that the two of you don't end up in the poor house. The other spouse's function is to make sure that the two of you live a little along the way. When both spouses appreciate what the other one brings to the table, the two can actually enhances each other's quality of life. When one (or both) spouses try to make their partner just like them, conflict is inevitable for everyone.

Personally, my view of money probably aligns more with your husband, while your view is more similar to my wife's. If it weren't for me, I think she would live her life like a pauper, then leave everything to family members who would promptly go out and enjoy the very things she denied herself all heer life. That just doesn't make sense to me. On the other hand, she has really chaneged my view of money (although I will probably never be as frugal as she is). As other posters have said, its important to have a balance. Just remember, that neither one of you are right or wrong. You're just different - and that truly is the spice of life.
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