U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Economics > Frugal Living
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-21-2009, 08:23 AM
 
Location: Norfolk
1,574 posts, read 1,977,317 times
Reputation: 5058

Advertisements

My husband is an attorney and I'm a writer. Before I met him, I'd been single for almost six years and I'd lived on $12,000 a year or less. I lived a pretty decent lifestyle. I had no debt, I didn't have television or cable tv, and I watched every dollar. I had health insurance with a $10,000 deductible and that suited me just fine.

And by this time, my kids had grown and flown the coop, so there were no kid expenses. Honestly, it wasn't hard to live a good life on $12,000 a year, but then again, I'm a really frugal person.

Here's my question: I'm now (recently) married to a guy who also believes in "no debt" but he spends a lot of money on a lot of stuff. I'd rather live like a pauper and save for our upcoming retirement but he says he'd rather "enjoy the moment" and live each day. Fortunately, he's got a decent income so we can still save, even with his "bon vivant" spending.

But - it's annoying to watch him spend $27 in one night on three glasses of Pinot Noir (at $9 a pop). Anyone else in my boat? How did you resolve it?

He makes all the money. My income is still quite modest.

Rose
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-21-2009, 10:08 AM
 
Location: UK
296 posts, read 716,206 times
Reputation: 316
Well, if he is spending his own income I guess there is not much you can do about it.

I would get him to support me and then I would bank all of my salary.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-21-2009, 10:11 AM
 
784 posts, read 2,468,879 times
Reputation: 441
Quote:
Originally Posted by Plain Jane 3953 View Post
Well, if he is spending his own income I guess there is not much you can do about it.

I would get him to support me and then I would bank all of my salary.
Um no. Your husband is not an ATM.

To the OP: It's his money, he can do with it what he wants.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-21-2009, 10:24 AM
 
Location: Texas
42,203 posts, read 49,740,662 times
Reputation: 66975
Look, it may seem strange to you, but if he's piling a bunch away in savings before he spends whatever's left, what's the big deal?

I don't think there is any reason not to spend money if you can afford it. He is still saving for your retirement, from what you're telling me.

I have never understood the idea of being frugal just for the sake of being frugal.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-21-2009, 11:05 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,426 posts, read 35,696,560 times
Reputation: 38829
He has the money and he is saving.
$9 for a glass wine is not over the top....

Sounds like you need to loosen up a bit!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-21-2009, 02:05 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,432 posts, read 24,199,022 times
Reputation: 24745
It's tough because the two of you didn't 'grow up' together financially. Yes, it would drive me crazy to see someone spend $30 on 3 glasses of wine. But he has a lot more discretionary income than you do. As long as he is debt free and saves a considerable amount of money, learn to enjoy it.

In some ways, he is right. You do have to live in the moment. If all you do is scrimp and save for that glorious retirement, you will miss what should have been some of the best times of your life. You can't always live for the future. We all have to find balance.

I know too many people who didn't do much but save for retirement. No fun, no vacations. When that magic moment came, they either got sick or died without enjoying much of it. Balance. You live for today and tomorrow. Neither today nor tomorrow will be perfect but you get to enjoy both of them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-21-2009, 02:30 PM
 
3,583 posts, read 10,239,620 times
Reputation: 5096
Being an accountant (retired now) I have always watched and accounted for every penny earned and spent. DH on the other hand is an impulse shopper and is addicted to gadgets (I keep him away from late night infomercials whenever possible) So...how does it work? We accept each other for the good things we love and understand that we can still be individuals as well as a couple. Yes, DH's spending irritates me at times and my "obsession with numbers to the Nth degree" has him gritting his teeth but we deal with it because our marriage and relationship is more important than money. You have to decide, is he a good man? If so, is it worth it to fight over $30.00 in wine that gives him pleasure? Especially when you are still saving. As for me and DH.... I still run my spreadsheets and forecast our expenses to the penny and he still orders and collects the gadgets that give him such a kick. Luckily - we have the space to store them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-21-2009, 03:04 PM
 
Location: NJ
2,111 posts, read 7,122,715 times
Reputation: 989
Quote:
Originally Posted by Plain Jane 3953 View Post
Well, if he is spending his own income I guess there is not much you can do about it.

I would get him to support me and then I would bank all of my salary.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYCAnalyst View Post
Um no. Your husband is not an ATM.

To the OP: It's his money, he can do with it what he wants.
I'm a male and I don't agree with these statements. I also am from the old school of "it's our money." I really don't know how couples work things today, if they pool their money together and one manages it to pay the bills. You each keep some spending money. To me , this is how it should be. Every spouse has to have limits on spending or how else will you be able to save for a house, car, vacation etc.

When one spouse is a big spender, he/she is spending "our" money!!! I'm more frugal than DW and a better saver. I too can have that addiction to gadgets, lol, but I know this so I don't shop or when I do, some of it goes back......lol. I also am the main breadwinner so I have more to say. She knows that, that's why we have everything we need, and nice things. Frugal is not being cheap!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-21-2009, 03:07 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
8,354 posts, read 12,054,277 times
Reputation: 8029
Quote:
Originally Posted by Va-Cat View Post
Being an accountant (retired now) I have always watched and accounted for every penny earned and spent. DH on the other hand is an impulse shopper and is addicted to gadgets (I keep him away from late night infomercials whenever possible) So...how does it work? We accept each other for the good things we love and understand that we can still be individuals as well as a couple. Yes, DH's spending irritates me at times and my "obsession with numbers to the Nth degree" has him gritting his teeth but we deal with it because our marriage and relationship is more important than money. You have to decide, is he a good man? If so, is it worth it to fight over $30.00 in wine that gives him pleasure? Especially when you are still saving. As for me and DH.... I still run my spreadsheets and forecast our expenses to the penny and he still orders and collects the gadgets that give him such a kick. Luckily - we have the space to store them.

You sound just like me and my husband. I was a finance major, though. ;-) I have all of our investments and our budget on a spreadsheet which I update 4 times a year. He loves to go out and buy cell phones, GPSs, tools, etc. We've come to a decent agreement on it. I still keep track of everything and he's "supposed" to discuss any purchases over $50. Sometimes he forgets, though. What I do is self-automate our retirement and college spending so whatever is left over he can spend as he wishes, and I don't have to worry that the big things aren't getting covered.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-21-2009, 03:25 PM
 
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
2,221 posts, read 4,651,296 times
Reputation: 1681
DW and I always looked at it from a contingency point of view...what if something happened and I couldn't work (medical issues, job loss, economy etc)--being ahead of the curve is always a good thing when disaster strikes. And on the flip-side, we figured that if I did get to work straight through without a serious financial emergency, that meant getting to the retirement goal line much earlier (I got there at age 48).

I think that it's much better to save aggressively up-front and reap the fruits of your labors worry-free and young enough to enjoy them. Maybe putting it into that context might shift his behavior a little...or not. For us, extreme saving worked. We still had fun along the way, just without debt and without spending on luxury cars, big houses, expensive vacations, jewelry, regular eating-out etc. I wouldn't trade what we have now for any of those things.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Economics > Frugal Living
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top