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Old 04-07-2012, 03:43 PM
 
14,752 posts, read 27,513,384 times
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With Facebook and other sites, such as those sponsored by the Mormons, as well as alumni magazines, you can see that some friends you grew up have died. They have died at a fairly young age, and some have young(er) families. On FB, they have memorial pages for said people.

Needless to say, this leaves one perplexed as to what happened. Without contacting the family and asking, is there a not very circuitous and inexpensive way to find "cause of death?" With about a handful of classmates, I'm wondering what happened. No need for criticism, I'm just seeking information.
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Old 04-07-2012, 04:12 PM
 
Location: OH>IL>CO>CT
4,747 posts, read 7,491,873 times
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In a few cases I have found info by checking newspaper archives around the time and place. Mostly works if they were victim of crime or accident enough to make the news.

Otherwise, there are not too many places online to find recent death certificates, for free anyway. Some pay services purport to get records like this.
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Old 04-08-2012, 10:07 PM
 
Location: Pacific NW
6,415 posts, read 10,033,388 times
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Smaller-towned newspapers might say. But since AIDS came to be, obituaries often don't give a cause of death. Depends on the newspaper's policy. I know our local paper doesn't put that it.
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Old 04-09-2012, 04:49 AM
bjh
 
Location: Memphis - home of the king
26,041 posts, read 22,775,493 times
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Sometimes a funeral home will provide a copy of a DC. Some states or counties will, too. It varies.
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Old 04-09-2012, 09:16 AM
 
358 posts, read 710,967 times
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I've always assumed, if the newspaper doesn't say and the person is very young (<30) it was likely suicide. Accidental deaths are usually reported on, at least where I am.
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Old 04-09-2012, 12:16 PM
 
Location: Pacific NW
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Young people do die of illnesses. Suicide doesn't seem a fair assumption.
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Old 04-09-2012, 12:25 PM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 7 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,191 posts, read 50,480,930 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
With Facebook and other sites, such as those sponsored by the Mormons, as well as alumni magazines, you can see that some friends you grew up have died. They have died at a fairly young age, and some have young(er) families. On FB, they have memorial pages for said people.

Needless to say, this leaves one perplexed as to what happened. Without contacting the family and asking, is there a not very circuitous and inexpensive way to find "cause of death?" With about a handful of classmates, I'm wondering what happened. No need for criticism, I'm just seeking information.
Sometimes you can guess by the type of charity, if there is one, that's listed to give donations to.

I too wish they would state what the cause of death is. Not that it's any of my business, but I want to know!
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Old 04-09-2012, 12:27 PM
 
9,454 posts, read 15,010,253 times
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If the family wanted you to know, they would include the cause of death. Otherwise consider it NOYB!

When my father died, (at age 73, of natural causes), I was appalled at the number of people who asked if they did an autopsy.What kind of question is that for a grieving family? To have to field such questions over and over while trying to lay my father to rest was simply out of line, to say the least! When my mother died, i held a private funeral, then notified "friends" and family later via mail, to side step such questions.

How on earth to answer such a question!

Yes, they did an autopsy---then they expect the details

No, they didn't do an autopsy---then they want to know why not


Either way, the results, details, etc of an autopsy are NOT suitable conversation for a funeral!

I would never again hold an "open" funeral for a loved one. I guess many figure that's the last time they will see you, so why bother being tactful when they can gather some gossip to discuss?
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Old 04-09-2012, 12:38 PM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 7 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,191 posts, read 50,480,930 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
If the family wanted you to know, they would include the cause of death. Otherwise consider it NOYB!

When my father died, (at age 73, of natural causes), I was appalled at the number of people who asked if they did an autopsy.What kind of question is that for a grieving family? To have to field such questions over and over while trying to lay my father to rest was simply out of line, to say the least! When my mother died, i held a private funeral, then notified "friends" and family later via mail, to side step such questions.

How on earth to answer such a question!

Yes, they did an autopsy---then they expect the details

No, they didn't do an autopsy---then they want to know why not


Either way, the results, details, etc of an autopsy are NOT suitable conversation for a funeral!

I would never again hold an "open" funeral for a loved one. I guess many figure that's the last time they will see you, so why bother being tactful when they can gather some gossip to discuss?
That's a bizarre question. I would never in a million years ask anyone that. I wouldn't ask them WHAT their family member died of, either. As I said, I often want to know for my own curiosity, especially if they were around my age, but life isn't ruined because I didn't find out.

Gossip can be harmful, though. I remember reading one story where a mother lost her college-age daughter to a brain tumor. Months later, a visiting "friend" told her, "Oh, Mary, everyone 'knows' your daughter died of a drug overdose. You can be honest with me." The woman had no idea that this was the rumor being spread, and that fact that it took some doing to persuade her friend she was wrong pretty much ended the friendship.

Heck, look at how many doofuses out there still believe Cass Elliott choked to death on a ham sandwich instead of dying of a heart attack.

I did get my curiosity satisfied once, though, but it took many years. In first grade, the mother of a classmate died. That was shocking and horrifying--the very idea that your mother could DIE. We had to talk about it, and when our classmate returned to school, we always kept it in mind that she lived with her grandma now and that grandma was the woman picking her up after school and coming to the school events. But, I always wondered through the years what happened to "Sue's" mom, since she could have only have been in her thirties at the most.

Forty years later, Sue's best friend had a daughter in the same class as my daughter. We were talking one day and the friend mentioned something about Sue's grandmother making cookies for them after school or something, and I seized the moment to find out what Sue's mother died of. She'd choked to death on a piece of food. Company was at her house, and she went into another room to get something and I guess had taken something to eat from the food that was out for her friends and then choked on it and no one went looking for her until it was too late.

So, the moral of the story is just wait. If you're meant to find out, you will!

Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 04-09-2012 at 12:46 PM..
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Old 04-09-2012, 12:54 PM
 
358 posts, read 710,967 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EnricoV View Post
Young people do die of illnesses. Suicide doesn't seem a fair assumption.
yeah, but when it's someone you went to school with, if they had cancer, etc, there's a nearly 100% chance you'd hear about it. I was under the impression the OP was talking about when nobody mentions/talks about how the person died.

And I don't know how many ppl in your social circle are on FB, but nearly 100% of my high school classmates are on, and even though I don't talk to a single one of them, nearly all of them have requested being friends (I don't seek out ppl I don't talk to). Therefore I can say with some certainty that if it were an illness/accidental, I'd hear about it. ppl put everything on social media anymore, I actually find it quite sad. No privacy...
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