"These can't be your ancestors because they're MINE" (LOL) (grandmother, surname)

[saralee]

I almost posted this in response to Marylee's thread but it would have hijacked it considerably.

Originally Posted by duster1979

How do you know your ancestors didn't lead double lives?

Actually, it's very, very funny you mention that. I don't concern myself over other people's trees. I mean, really, who cares? But then again I am very glad I did keep going back to one particular tree that just, I don't know, "spoke" to me? Why would it? While the surname was one I identify with (not particularly common but not exceptionally uncommon either), nothing else about these people was familiar.

One day I send a note to the tree owner, we get to talking and what do you know? My great-great-grandfather "married" another woman while married to my great-great grandmother! The "other" woman (considerably younger than my great-great grandparents) apparently left their hometown possibly either after she got pregnant, or when her first child was very young. She moved to another southern state but maintained a relationship with her "husband" and went onto have more children with him.

What can I say? Poppa was a rollin' stone and all that jazz. I have to admit, I was quite humored by it all. And to some extent, delighted by an "exciting" event and really would have liked a relationship with this family. They, on the other hand, were resistant and eventually ceased communication with me. I don't believe their life with this man was a very happy existence. I have NO clue if they knew about my family prior to my contact with them. But their ancestor, his "wife", lived largely as a single mother - and life was hard. So there was resentment that remains to this day.

Great-great grandfather traveled between the states to visit "his" relatives (I'm not positive but I believe he actually relocated this woman near a brother of his - which legitimized his travel - but I've been unable to confirm) and what can I say? There was no FaceBook profile where he listed his relationship status as "It's Complicated". My great-great grandmother could not reach out to him repeatedly by cell. She would bid him farewell, he'd get on the train, and he would return at his convenience I suppose.

My great-grandmother, and her sister, who is living today, have fond memories of their father. My grandmother had good memories of her grandfather. They were both initially reluctant to accept this family's version of things but ultimately, shortly before my grandmother died, she admitted that "everyone" knew her grandfather was a "friendly" man. She asked if I were in touch with this family, or if I had pictures, and I had to tell her no. But eventually, she chuckled about it and said, "Grandmother should have bopped him in the head with a frying pan for tipping out on her. Everyone knew." While "everyone knew", it's not the vision of him that had been previously painted for me, or any of his descendants. So frequently our ancestors are presented in a very sanitized version - and it's so unnecessary. I prefer my ancestors be presented as "human". I'd be very OK with my descendants knowing that I am a very flawed individual.

[ArkansasSlim]

saralee, I like I'm sure many of US could relate a similar story without getting bent out of shape over it. Thanks.

[Padgett2]

While visiting a cemetery in a nearby town, we came across an ornate tomb for two people. A man and his mistress. It was erected "in loving memory" to honor them by their children. The relationship was spelled out quite plainly as to what it was.

Next to this fancy tomb was a small head stone of his wife. If I remember correctly, she died about the same time that he did. But if anyone cared, the spot in the graveyard didn't show it.