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Old 07-10-2013, 10:42 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,674,546 times
Reputation: 19409

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I am with the "finish it" crowd! Finish it for YOU! Hey, it might just be taking them a while to process the information. I would imagine that they're probably feeling betrayed by someone who didn't have their facts straight and you being an inlaw/outlaw, revealed the untruth to their family.

Hopefully, they'll bring the subject up to someone else and that person will have a similar story to tell. Perhaps, if they find more people who've been in their shoes, they'll soften a bit.

I always thought my dad had pulled my leg, as a child, by telling me that my 5th G.grandfather came to America in a wine cask. Yeah....hahaha...that was pretty funny dad! Um, as I started doing my geneological research...OMG...it was TRUE!!! Yeah....so some are true, some are not. With any luck....you'll actually find the truth. You did and you should be very proud of that. Keep diggin!
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Old 07-10-2013, 02:55 PM
 
Location: La-La Land
217 posts, read 302,936 times
Reputation: 268
Thank you for all your comments and encouragement.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TribalCat View Post
Finish it for yourself... And you'll the satisfaction of having completed a monumental task.
Thank you- I am going to finish It would probably gnaw endlessly at the mind not to do so. And thanks for reminding me what a huge undertaking this has been. I'd gotten a few comments from both sisters-in-law, when they've asked about progress, (before The Legend happened) that have been some variation of: "Wow, that's great...and you haven't even done XXX yet!".

Quote:
Originally Posted by willow wind View Post
I'd also include a cover letter explaining that research can uncover many unexpected things, like skeletons in the closet or family myths that turn out to be just that- myths with no basis in fact.
This is a great suggestion, thank you. I am going to add this to the introduction or title page. Also, as you say, send it to the grandma and FIL, and let it rest.

Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran View Post
And, may I say, Well Done!
Thank you so much for the compliment. It was greatly needed

Quote:
Originally Posted by PA2UK View Post
it sounds like the husband is just trying to be conscious of the money currently being spent... that he wants her to make a decision on whether she'll continue to use it or not
Yes, precisely. You're right, maybe it's not unfair of him. I didn't plan for the initial pause to turn into total doubt and draw out for 6 weeks. It may be finished within 2 more months, if it's worked on a few hours a day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnirene View Post
However, I don't see the point of trying to force your in-laws to take an interest. It's sounds as if they only wanted to know about ancestors that would impress themselves and others.
Thank you No kids, but I had thought others might be interested later on, or wish to fact-check, which is why half the writing time was spent on source citations (in-line citations)- so others can easily pick up where it's left off.

I don't know that they're being forced to become interested, because they usually inquire if they want an update. I only initiated one letter to try and quell the hysterical SIL. I'm sure grandmother must have genuinely wanted to know initially- why else would someone ask for it to be looked into?

From the beginning, younger relatives only asked about famed ancestors- they're obvious. But the grandmother is really confusing to me. The aunt, I think, was upset because she'd told her daughter she could be a member of DAR, and the cousin hoped to soon have another debutant ball and buy a new gown on that basis.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kevxu View Post
Finish the project, but do not bring it up again with your in-laws. Your sister-in-law's response defies allowable characterization on C-D.

As the results come from public records there is nothing that is not proper for you to publish or use. Donate the results to the appropriate local historical society and have done with it. I did that with a family tree that two of my cousins were infuriated about. After their hysterical hullabaloo, I simply donated it to the appropriate local historical society with no comment to the society about my cousins' silliness, and I said nothing to the two cousins.
Agreed, and THANK you for the idea of donating it to a historical society!!
A great Idea, I will do this, along with other suggestions about letting it rest. Thank you!
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Old 07-10-2013, 03:01 PM
 
Location: La-La Land
217 posts, read 302,936 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nitram View Post
I agree with all of the above. Make copies for yourself and save them to a CD and file it in a safe place. Sometime in the future others will be interested and will want the truth.
I've run into people from the past who embellished their history, but like you discovered the true details that are written in the past and recorded for all time.
If you have disbelievers tell them to do their own research to disprove yours. Some people can't handle the truth and we just have to live with it.
I agree.

But one question ...in the summary portions, do I include other "skeletons" or other myths that have been discovered? I'm now hesitant to mention them, since the reaction about the first Legend, in the event someone actually does read it.
Or, proceed from a totally academic/ unemotional/ facts only POV? Especially now, with the new idea of donating it to a Historical Society? When beginning, I'd envisioned the finished product as an in-the-raw facts-only academic paper... until I started finding skeletons.

Some of the skeletons are pretty ugly, heavy, and are contrary to other, bigger "legends" that their cultural identities rest upon. When I re-read drafts with just the rosy or uneventful info, the summaries do not feel honest to me. But then when I reread drafts that include everything in the raw, I KNOW they won't want to know.

All the writing so far has included in-line citations for each fact (takes up half the time at least) specifically because of anticipated skepticism, denial and fact-checking, and for others in the future to easily pick up where it's left, if interested.
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Old 07-10-2013, 03:19 PM
 
Location: Out there somewhere...
38,702 posts, read 45,106,074 times
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^^^ Yes I would. But I'd make it an Edited Addendum, separate pages stating that there have been rumors, myths or unproven stories or incidents and list them separately in case later years someone wants to take over from where you leave off. This way it shows there is no cover-up or one sided opinion by you.
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Old 07-10-2013, 03:31 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,674,546 times
Reputation: 19409
Quote:
Originally Posted by 5pyg1a55 View Post
I agree.

But one question ...in the summary portions, do I include other "skeletons" or other myths that have been discovered? I'm now hesitant to mention them, since the reaction about the first Legend, in the event someone actually does read it.
Or, proceed from a totally academic/ unemotional/ facts only POV? Especially now, with the new idea of donating it to a Historical Society? When beginning, I'd envisioned the finished product as an in-the-raw facts-only academic paper... until I started finding skeletons.

Some of the skeletons are pretty ugly, heavy, and are contrary to other, bigger "legends" that their cultural identities rest upon. When I re-read drafts with just the rosy or uneventful info, the summaries do not feel honest to me. But then when I reread drafts that include everything in the raw, I KNOW they won't want to know.

All the writing so far has included in-line citations for each fact (takes up half the time at least) specifically because of anticipated skepticism, denial and fact-checking, and for others in the future to easily pick up where it's left, if interested.
As hideous as some of those skeletons are, please know that uncovering them, no matter how awful, can help to identify genetic predispositions, tendencies, gifts and talents, skills. Another fun thing about skeletons? When elder members in the family says, "I don't know what's become of people these days. It used to be, a person would NEVER think of doing such a thing." You can say, "Really? How about Uncle Samuel? or Aunt Saphronia? or maybe we should re-explore the shenanigans of GGG grampa (?)"

Look, the least we can do, for those coming after us, is provide them some accurate history of their ancestors. Yes, some will want to forget the past, but personally, I feel it's best to learn from it. Congratulations to you for all your hard work. I've been there and done it, LOL. I'm quite sure that my husband was MORE than exasperated with the time I spent doing research and was often irritated with my enthusiastic chatter about something he wasn't interested in.
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Old 07-10-2013, 03:31 PM
 
Location: La-La Land
217 posts, read 302,936 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
So did you know insanity ran in your husband's family when you married him? I cannot imagine why a child would cry about finding out she wasn't descended from someone she never knew (or rather, I cannot imagine a parent who would whip their child up into such a frenzy over the family tree). I'm sorry a fun project turned into such a burden, but if you're mostly through, I'd push on to the end. Who knows? Maybe they'll deal with the trauma and take an interest again.


SIL is a long story, but could be described as a "hot mess", or the family nere'do'ell.

The outburst before The Legend was accusing the maid of stealing her kid's medication, later finding the meds in the daughter's purse (i assume the kid was playing "pocketbook"), then STILL accusing the maid of putting the meds in the kid's purse, saying "NO one should ever touch my kids medication!!"
No insight. She "babysits" her kid- MIL has custody, since birth.

The girl's teacher instructed the class to find out if they were related to someone famous. Both MIL and SIL whipped up the frenzy. The girl bragged at school, so was upset that she had told her class something untrue. Strange, but it seems my MIL had been the most vocal about the Legend over the years, along with the grandma. She claimed to have evidence, but then later said she didn't
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Old 07-10-2013, 05:56 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,657 posts, read 7,008,861 times
Reputation: 4295
Quote:
Originally Posted by 5pyg1a55 View Post
I agree.

But one question ...in the summary portions, do I include other "skeletons" or other myths that have been discovered? I'm now hesitant to mention them, since the reaction about the first Legend, in the event someone actually does read it.
Or, proceed from a totally academic/ unemotional/ facts only POV? Especially now, with the new idea of donating it to a Historical Society? When beginning, I'd envisioned the finished product as an in-the-raw facts-only academic paper... until I started finding skeletons.

Some of the skeletons are pretty ugly, heavy, and are contrary to other, bigger "legends" that their cultural identities rest upon. When I re-read drafts with just the rosy or uneventful info, the summaries do not feel honest to me. But then when I reread drafts that include everything in the raw, I KNOW they won't want to know.

All the writing so far has included in-line citations for each fact (takes up half the time at least) specifically because of anticipated skepticism, denial and fact-checking, and for others in the future to easily pick up where it's left, if interested.
Dealing with "skeletons" can take discretion. Murderers, rapists, child molesters? I've encountered some of that. The news clippings and criminal records are tucked away; not broadcast. People who were general ne'er do wells? The older folks in my family got into a high dudgeon about them, we younger folks laughed. One of my lines is descended from Prussian nobility. There are books and a Society devoted to them. My siblings and I are upright folks, but cousins, also descended from that line, get into minor scrapes with the law quite regularly. Whenever I hear about that, I'll jocularly message them on FB "you aren't keeping up with the nobility of our <surname> line!"

It's all in the attitude. Your current generation family sounds like they can be drama llamas, not realizing that if an event is recorded, someone will find out about it sooner or later. Later generations may be more lenient and recognize that it is history and has no bearing on them. They'll probably be grateful that someone took the time to do the research.
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Old 07-10-2013, 06:01 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,657 posts, read 7,008,861 times
Reputation: 4295
Quote:
Originally Posted by 5pyg1a55 View Post
.

She demanded to know where I got my info, and so I told her about censuses, maps, vital records, etc... and the Latter Day Saints Family History Library, where I got a lot of these things. She discounted the information's validity on the basis that she wasn't Mormon, so the Mormon Church could not possibly have information on her family.
Actually .... genealogy is a big, big thing among the LDS. You might show her the site: familysearch.org and plug in a few of your family names. Then tell her about the baptism-by-proxy procedure https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baptism_for_the_dead
She may well find that members of your family have been noted and taken through that procedure. That rite is one of the reasons for the LDS interest in family connections.
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Old 07-11-2013, 12:39 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
9,871 posts, read 8,021,943 times
Reputation: 11232
I am a direct descendant of John Mohr McIntosh!!! Do you even know who that is? Do you care? That and $3, will get me a cup of coffee in Darien GA, where he settled, the first McIntosh in America. It took me 2 hours to chase that one down.

Life belongs to the living, no?
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Old 07-11-2013, 05:32 PM
bjh
Status: "Glad it's November." (set 1 day ago)
 
Location: Memphis - home of the king
26,184 posts, read 22,807,257 times
Reputation: 119748
Quote:
Originally Posted by 5pyg1a55 View Post
Hello,
...
I don't want to have put so much work into a project and not finish it, or have wasted this much time, or have promised something and not deliver it. But now I suspect few people, if any, will want to read it.

Should I finish the writing or give up, or what?
Would would those here do?

I would add:

1. Whatever you deliver, let it be copies only. Keep your work for yourself (and for the library or historical society, as someone suggested ) If you give them all records, someone with a chip on their shoulder will destroy them.

2. The in-laws who have a beef with the truth are behaving in a way that is shallow and not too bright. There I said it. Because this kind of thing can happen with people stuck on what they WANT to believe and not interested in reality.
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