Project A Mess- Abandon or Continue? (find, search, family tree, Mormon)

[5pyg1a55]

Hello,
My grandmother-n-law asked if I would research her dead husband's family. I agreed. The scope was to be lineal ancestry, starting at my husband's great-grand parents, back as far as it will go, and limited to research online and at my local library only (which is a GEN repository and subscribes to FHL). No travel or record-purchasing. I did buy a subscription to Ancestry.com.

I've been at in now for a long while and have exhausted the lines of evidence within the project scope. For each Family Group, I'm doing a 4 generation flow chart, and 2-3 pages on just the FG, with bullet timeline, summary/stories, and source citations. About half of the 40 FGSs are done (but evidence for all has been gathered and analyzed).

Here's the problem/point: Ever since I revealed to the grandma-in-law and others a couple months ago that one of their family legends did not pan out, the family now doesn't seem very interested in knowing anymore.
...
Detail:
They had a legend that they were descended from a prominent military figure with a famous pedigree.
Hours were wasted on searches which failed to yield connections, until I finally found a DNA bank. Known relatives with the surname did not match. Game over. It was a letdown for me, having wasted time. But I didn't tell anyone except my husband because it didn't seem like a huge deal, and I wanted to get on with the project. I continued researching and writing for a few months... Then 2 months ago my father in law emailed to ask about the legend, so I told him. He didn't care too much.

But the next day, my sister-in-law called me in full histrionics, screaming; her kid was crying at "the news". She demanded I explain myself, and explain why the legend wasn't true, why her grandma would lie to her all her life. I tried to explain the evidence trail of her true ancestors, but she didn't have the comprehension to follow along.

She demanded to know where I got my info, and so I told her about censuses, maps, vital records, etc... and the Latter Day Saints Family History Library, where I got a lot of these things. She discounted the information's validity on the basis that she wasn't Mormon, so the Mormon Church could not possibly have information on her family. She then put her daughter on the phone, so I could to explain to a crying, 10 yr old why she wasn't related to The General. It was bizarre. I mailed SIL a long letter detailing the evidence I found. She hasn't spoken to me since.

2 weeks later, grandmother-in-law and aunt-in-law visited and wanted to know about the legend. I told them. They were tactful, but suspicious. They did not want to see any of the evidence (actual records) I'd found, or hear about other findings. They didn't even want to look at any charts or summaries on the other families I'd already made. It hurt because I put in a huge effort and so much time. I doubt any in the family will read the reports now, even though the history is really interesting.

...
So, I'm half way done with finishing the writing, citations and flowcharts, but have not done any more work for the last month and 1/2 since grandma and aunt visited and I became hesitant. The evidence is already gathered and analyzed on the FGs within the scope. All that's left is to make the charts, write the summaries, and list the citations (which does take time). My husband is leaning on me now with the ancestry.com subscription; since I haven't used it in 6 weeks he thinks I'm wasting it.

I don't want to have put so much work into a project and not finish it, or have wasted this much time, or have promised something and not deliver it. But now I suspect few people, if any, will want to read it.

Should I finish the writing or give up, or what?
Would would those here do?

[TribalCat]

Finish it for yourself. Maybe someday someone in the family will really want that information, and they'll have you to thank for it and appreciate your hard work. And you'll the satisfaction of having completed a monumental task.

[willow wind]

Finish it- both for yourself and your family.

I'd send a copy to every family member who had originally expected one. I'd also include a cover letter explaining that research can uncover many unexpected things, like skeletons in the closet or family myths that turn out to be just that- myths with no basis in fact.

Then let it rest. You did what you were asked to do. Perhaps somewhere down the line, one of the relatives will accept and be interested in the info you found. You were.

[silibran]

I'm with willow wind. Finish it, give to the family, but keep a copy for any future generations of this family who might be interested.

And tell hubby to get off your case. You were doing his family a favor.

And, may I say, Well Done!

[wit-nit]

I agree with all of the above. Make copies for yourself and save them to a CD and file it in a safe place. Sometime in the future others will be interested and will want the truth.
I've run into people from the past who embellished their history, but like you discovered the true details that are written in the past and recorded for all time.
If you have disbelievers tell them to do their own research to disprove yours. Some people can't handle the truth and we just have to live with it.

[bjh]

Agree. You can't please everyone, but others will appreciate your efforts.

[PA2UK]

I would finish it - you never know who might take up an interest in the future.

And tell hubby to get off your case. You were doing his family a favor.

I think that's a little unfair - it sounds like the husband is just trying to be conscious of the money currently being spent on something that isn't being used. Ancestry.com subscriptions aren't cheap and it's understandable that he wants her to make a decision on whether she'll continue to use it or not - he didn't seem to have problem with it when she was using it. The fact that it was a favor for his family isn't really the issue.

[kevxu]

Finish the project, but do not bring it up again with your in-laws. Your sister-in-law's response defies allowable characterization on C-D.

As the results come from public records there is nothing that is not proper for you to publish or use. Donate the results to the appropriate local historical society and have done with it. I did that with a family tree that two of my cousins were infuriated about. After their hysterical hullabaloo, I simply donated it to the appropriate local historical society with no comment to the society about my cousins' silliness, and I said nothing to the two cousins.

[cdnirene]

Do you and your husband have any children? If so, consider if they might like to know about their ancestors one day.

However, I don't see the point of trying to force your in-laws to take an interest. It's sounds as if they only wanted to know about ancestors that would impress themselves and others. I suggest just tidying up and organizing the information you have for now and filing away in a box.

I'm sorry your project turned out this way.

[JrzDefector]

So did you know insanity ran in your husband's family when you married him? I cannot imagine why a child would cry about finding out she wasn't descended from someone she never knew (or rather, I cannot imagine a parent who would whip their child up into such a frenzy over the family tree). I'm sorry a fun project turned into such a burden, but if you're mostly through, I'd push on to the end. Who knows? Maybe they'll deal with the trauma and take an interest again.