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I dont know if this is where this belongs but my sister has this co worker and she started digging into her family background and found out some things about her family and her mother was upset and did not want to talk about it . Now this happened well over 25 years ago , and the co worker told all the girls in the office that her mother was upset . My question is why would you want to keep digging especially when your mother was very upset over this ? I think some things are better left in the past especially when it does not concern health or wealth , what do the rest of you say ?
I think that knowledge is meant to be shared. Unfortunately, no matter how shameful or embarrassing events are, they can't always be buried forever. It can be uncomfortable for some people to have to relive those events, as they've had some time to dissect details over the years. Shame can be an incredible motivator, for keeping things hidden.
Like others, I'd dig harder, but I would be very darn careful what I shared with my mother. Please remember too though...that if she hasn't talked about it in 25 years, a little prodding just might do her some good. Sometimes.....unburdening yourself by talking about an old pain, can make the soul lighter and relieve that weight! The truth is OUT. The past is past! Phew....no more secrets to carry!
If the 25 year ago family history is upsetting to the person still alive -- take that off the table. Leave it alone and don't discuss it. Go back a little farther and find out other stuff and people to talk about.
If it's just big to family, there might be other people willing to discuss it, other than mom. And if it's really big, there should be other ways to find out information.
Poking around in the past is fine if the relatives are dead. Living people have a right to privacy. There may be something too painful/shameful that the living person has chosen to keep to themselves, and that should be respected. I wonder how the person doing the research would feel if their own lives were subject to such scrutiny.
Not everyone has the same concept of what denotes family history.
I asked an elderly relative on my spouse's side to please write down a family history so I could add it to my research. She wrote a detail of everything that she considered bad that her two living niece and nephew had done. Beginning with how the niece had run off with a family employee at age 14 and had to be pulled out of a hotel room by...you guessed it her the heroine. It was a long list of similar things that I did not consider to be family history and the niece and nephew would be horrified and hurt to see in print. Not to mention that they dote on this aunt and would be crushed to see their confidences and indiscretions exposed.
So if it is something like that one member of a family insists is family history, then I say it is a private matter not a detail of family history. If the persons involved wish to write a tell-all that is one thing but for a confidante to is another entirely.
Not everyone has the same concept of what denotes family history.
I asked an elderly relative on my spouse's side to please write down a family history so I could add it to my research. She wrote a detail of everything that she considered bad that her two living niece and nephew had done. Beginning with how the niece had run off with a family employee at age 14 and had to be pulled out of a hotel room by...you guessed it her the heroine. It was a long list of similar things that I did not consider to be family history and the niece and nephew would be horrified and hurt to see in print. Not to mention that they dote on this aunt and would be crushed to see their confidences and indiscretions exposed.
So if it is something like that one member of a family insists is family history, then I say it is a private matter not a detail of family history. If the persons involved wish to write a tell-all that is one thing but for a confidante to is another entirely.
It's sad that this woman would consider this information important enough to include in her family history. Hmmmm was she deflecting? ....redirecting attention, because SHE had done bad things which could be seen as bad? How odd that she wouldn't talk about her early life, parents, grandparents..etc.
I have no idea. I just wanted OP to realize not everyone is on same page with definition of what is family history.
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....redirecting attention, because SHE had done bad things which could be seen as bad? How odd that she wouldn't talk about her early life, parents, grandparents..etc.
