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Old 11-05-2010, 09:40 PM
Location: Austin, Texas
538 posts, read 1,655,376 times
Reputation: 354


I think the best thing to do is set a goal for yourself. If it is really that much easier to get a job in Texas then you shouldn't have a problem working for a few months to save money to move back to Oregon, or pay off some bills. If there are not any jobs then you didn't do your homework the first time around and need to ask yourself why you really wanted to move.

Once you get a job, SAVE, SAVE, SAVE. This will allow to go back to OR, if you choose, without having to borrow money. Meanwhile, keep looking for employment in OR and stay in touch with all your friends there. Tell everyone this is a temporary situation just to get back on your feet.

As far as your parents, I would think they would support your desire to be independent and not have to live with them any longer than necessary. If they don't that's a whole other issue. They should take pride in the fact that they raised an independent person who is willing to learn from their mistakes.
Let's face it, sometimes we don't appreciate what we have until it's gone. Look at this a a lesson learned. There's a reason it happened, learn from it and move on.
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Old 11-05-2010, 11:25 PM
Location: West Michigan
654 posts, read 3,100,305 times
Reputation: 567
Originally Posted by spiritof68 View Post
If you can't sell it, can't you rent it out? You can still deduct the interest or if it's paid for then it's cash in your pocket.

I've always wanted to visit the UP.

Same here with the UP....read its beautiful country up there.

As far as the house, I am going to try to sell it first, that way it will be easier for me to look into another home once ready. I may look into the rent option but will wait and see if it will sell first. Knowing the housing market anything can happen.
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Old 11-06-2010, 01:41 AM
15 posts, read 23,141 times
Reputation: 23
Wow, it is crazy to read someone's story and have it be sooo similar to your own story! I moved to Colorado almost 2 months ago from Long Island, NY (where I lived my WHOLE life). I was completely on my own in NY and I moved to Colorado to be with family (they lived in CO for 14 years). I never really "wanted" to move, however I felt like I needed to as far as being 26 and getting my life together. A month after being here (and after some family drama & HUGE life style changes) I have realized that I appreciate so much more back home in NY then I have ever imagined!

I told my mom (who is my best friend) that I think it is inevitable I was going back to NY, however she did not think it would be this soon! Of course it hurt her and it still hurts her every day which KILLS me inside so I am in the same boat as in "do I live my life to make myself happy? Or do I stick it out because my family who I love does not think I gave it enough time? Did I truly give it a fair try or am I just convincing myself I did? Am I just homesick?...etc etc etc" My mind has been a complete mess!

However, I have to make a decision and I have to make a decision FAST considering I drove here from NY so if I was to go back soon, it would HAVE to be right after thanksgiving (weather wise) or I would have to wait until Spring. On top of that, trying to find a FULL time job has been quite harder then I ever imagined. I have a stinky part time job but I still have bills to pay every month and being on my own for sooooo long, I do not depend on other people to support me. I am truly responsible. Bills are also a factor on if I leave sooner or not.

Just know that you are NOT alone, I am in a very similar and very tough situation as well and I have a major decision to make! If you need to talk, PM me
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Old 11-06-2010, 07:52 AM
5,818 posts, read 13,262,628 times
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Originally Posted by sinister sugar View Post
You guys have been really helpful; thank you. I'm still feeling like I made a mistake moving here, and I don't know if could last six months, especially since I know my heart is in Oregon and I doubt I'll ever like Texas as much. Now my major problem is going to be breaking it to the folks. Guess it'll be like pulling off a band-aid. I feel like I'm always disappointing them in some way. I turn 24 in a few weeks, I need to learn to stand my ground with them though. This is what I want.
Follow your dream. Your parents will adjust eventually, although they might put a guilt trip on you. Don't be concerned with disappointing them, don't disappoint yourself. Speaking from being a parent of two grown children, although I wouldn't necessarily make the same choices they did, they certainly didn't disappoint me. I raised them to be independent and make their own decisions.
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Old 11-07-2010, 06:53 AM
3,048 posts, read 6,549,202 times
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I guess my concern is what is the OP supposed to do without money or savings? Relocating costs money,living on her own since right now she is at her parents costs money,so on. I agree that as an adult she has to do what she feels is best but also she has to do financially what makes sense.
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Old 11-07-2010, 05:24 PM
43 posts, read 109,519 times
Reputation: 62
Hey everyone,

Here is a letter that I just penned explaining my decision to my folks. Thoughts, edits appreciated. Names are cut out.

Dear Mom & Dad,
After a lot of agonizing and careful thought, I feel that moving here was a mistake. I am very unhappy living in Texas, and I am missing my life back in Oregon terribly. I honestly do not see myself ever really being happy living in Houston—there is very little about it that I like, and when I try to think of its good points I can barely come up with anything. I love you guys very much, and I am so very grateful that you helped me move and allowed me to live here rent-free. However, I have given this a great deal of consideration, weighing pros and cons on both sides, and I have decided to move back to Oregon.
At the point during the summer when I had reluctantly made the decision to move to Texas to get myself “back on my feet,” I was in a very bad place mentally. I was bored with my job, tired of the monotonous routines of life. But I feel, in retrospect, that I took a lot about my life there for granted. As dull as my job was, I HAD a job. I had an apartment of my own, I had friends, a boyfriend, and a life that really wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be. I miss my independence. It fills me with anxiety to think that I will be living here in **** indefinitely until I find a job, save up enough money, and can move into an apartment in Houston, an enormous city in which I really have no desire to reside. Particularly since neither of you have ever really warmed to the place. I know that you will probably think that I haven’t given this enough of a chance. But it’s not like this is my first time here. I have been living in Texas off and on since we originally moved here five years ago. And every time I returned to Oregon I was happy to leave Texas behind—not YOU guys, Texas. I am miserable living in such an unfriendly place, and miss the things about Oregon that I was ignoring while I was in my mental rut.
I hope you can understand that I need to do what I feel is right for me. I love you both, and am more appreciative than I can express for what you have done for me. I wish that you lived closer to me. But I truly do not want to live here, and now that I have gotten this perspective from the past month, I know that I belong in Oregon. I miss my boyfriend, ****, who has been a great source of support to me during this past year, and whom I feel lost without. I miss my good friends, who also were consistently there for me. And I need to go back to taking care of myself, financially and otherwise, because I feel myself regressing emotionally while I remain in limbo here.
I have covered all of my bases on this. The ****** (boyfriend's parents) have generously offered to let me live at their house with ****, rent-free until we both save up enough to move out and into our own place. I have made some calls and have been networking there, and I would already have jobs waiting for me when I returned. ****** said I was guaranteed a job working at the daycare/child care center she works at, a friend who is a manager of a restaurant said he’d hire me on the spot to do hostessing/waitressing, and I have told pretty much everyone I know back in ***** that I am looking for work. They would be menial jobs for the time being, but they would be paychecks and frankly, I just need the work and the work experience right now. I also am intent on changing my mindset about work, that I can’t expect to get all of my life’s fulfillment out of having a successful career but to find happiness in everything I do, the people I’m with, hobbies, etc. I’m trying to shift my values since I seem to find a lot of disappointment with the expectations I have formerly held. I have set goals for myself upon my return there—move into an apartment by the end of April at the latest, finish my CLEP at the end of January, pay off my last two debts by May, and save, save, save. I do not plan on staying in ******; instead I have returned to the original goal of mine when I first moved to Oregon, which was to end up in Portland. Portland is a manageable city in size, and I have visited it enough times to know that I would love living there. This is my major goal to hopefully be reached by the end of next year—find a better job in Portland and move there, once the economy has evened out a little better. I also haven’t ruled out Seattle. I just want to be back in the Pacific Northwest.
I know that moving me down here was expensive and a hassle, and again, I am grateful. I know that I am in your debt. But I also know that you guys want me to be happy, and in my time here I have realized that there was a lot that made me happy there—I just allowed the negative to dominate my thoughts. I know that when I return I will see everything in a different light, and appreciate what I loved about Oregon more. The weather is not a big deal to me; I prefer it to the heat and humidity, and everything else I complained about is easily ignored when I focus on the things that I DID have there. I thought that moving here was the best route for me to get ahead in life, but I can’t ignore my gut and my gut tells me that I belong in Oregon, where I left behind a pretty decent life. I don’t expect you to ship my stuff back or spend a dime getting me back to Oregon. I plan on packing two big suitcases with clothes and necessities, leaving the rest behind, and when I return to visit gather up more to bring back with me each time. I will ship anything I really think I’ll need myself. I don’t have any furniture and, relatively speaking, really not that much stuff. I just need my clothes and a few personal effects. Obviously I won’t be able to bring (young cat) back, as much as it pains me, and I hope that you are willing to take good care of him. If you want, I will send money back when I get a steady job for his care.
Please do not try to change my mind on this. I need you to support me in this, in fact I need your support more than ever right now, and I’m doing what will make me happy. I promise to visit twice a year and will keep in better touch than I did before. I plan on returning to Oregon in January, and I will buy the ticket. I just need the ride to the airport.
I love you both.


I don't know if I should give them a letter, sit them down and tell them...ugh. I hate that I still feel so meek around them. I just end up feeling guilty when I'm assertive.
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Old 11-07-2010, 07:02 PM
Location: Raleigh, NC
10,389 posts, read 19,336,061 times
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Well, you have my sympathies. But a lot of that (as I recall) is simply the "real world syndrome" felt by almost any new college grad. College is an amazing, wonderful experience like you will never, ever again have in your life. Never again will you be around so many interesting people your age, with so many opportunities to learn something new, meet someone new, and you in most ways get to "start over" every semester.

That is a depressing environment to leave behind for everyone. the summer after I graduated from college was unquestionably the most depressing summer of my life. I think a lot of your unease might be there no matter where you lived.

However, it's magnified by coming back under "Mama's roof" and, no matter how independent and self-assured a person is, generally we all revert back to being a kid, when we're around our parents, especially in their house and when you don't feel "on your feet" yet. That, too, is naturally, understandable, and probably more of your classmates are going through it than not. And in your case, it doesn't help that you're in a state you never lived in, with a much different "vibe' from the one you left behind. Anyone would get nostalgic and spend their time thinking of the place they just left, as you are.

I do think 3 months is a little short to "know" for sure where you want to go next. I do think there is nothing wrong with returning to OR, but bear in mind, if things don't work out and you do need your parents' help, having "rejected" it this time may make it more awkward the next time. Of course, I hope you won't ever need to do that! But since the holidays are coming, and it IS nicer weather in Houston in the winter than in OR, I might suggest sticking it out until spring, during which time you live cheaply, make a little money, and lay out a plan to return.

I do think you should "have the talk" with your parents in person, rather than by note. That would "prove" to them you're "grown up now" more than the more passive approach.

Good luck! But do be aware that the limbo you're in is experienced by almost every college graduate, everywhere!!
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Old 11-07-2010, 07:14 PM
433 posts, read 988,391 times
Reputation: 389
There's nothing wrong with the letter, but I suggest you tell them in person. In my opinion, telling them of your decision by letter seems a little cold. Yes, getting started talking will be difficult, but once you begin it'll be easier. Good luck to you!
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Old 11-07-2010, 08:38 PM
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 29,952,931 times
Reputation: 32382
Since you have friends and a boyfriend in OR, I suggest you use one of their addresses on your resume and start looking for a job in OR. This time in your life can be a very difficult transition. I remember it well. You have your whole life ahead of you. Go where you are happy!
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Old 11-08-2010, 03:52 AM
3,048 posts, read 6,549,202 times
Reputation: 2052
I can relate to the guilt etc you are feeling and your parents not wanting you to go. I'm older then you but with my parents I said that in life parents and adult children do disagree and that is ok but hopefully the parent of the adult child can still be supportive. If it were to be something that would put you in danger it would be a different story. I agree talking to your parents is more responsible then in a letter that is sent. If you have a hard time explaining what you want to say then maybe read them the letter in person. I hope what ever happens you find happiness.
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