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Old 10-29-2010, 06:55 PM
 
43 posts, read 109,838 times
Reputation: 62

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Hello,

This is my first post here, and I'm posting this because I'm agonizing a lot about my recent move and need some opinions/personal experiences.

I moved to a suburb of Houston from my college town in Oregon. I am 23 and moved back in with my parents, after much convincing on their part that it was the right thing to do...so I could "get my head straight," not have to to pay bills for a while, find a decent job (I graduated from college recently and haven't had a ton of luck finding anything), and start the next chapter of my life. When I made the decision to move down here I was in a pretty rough spot--I was having trouble staying afloat financially, I was frustrated with my situation in Oregon and the people I had to deal with, and my mother said that every time she heard from me I only had negative things to say. So, I was convinced that moving to Houston, where the job market is better and where I could stop worrying about bills while I stayed with my folks for a bit, would be a good idea.

Well, I haven't even been here three weeks and I'm already really regretting the move. I want to move back. I forgot how much I truly dislike Texas. My parents moved here after I moved to Oregon to go to school (we're from California originally), so it's never actually been home to me. Every time I visited for holidays I was always relieved to leave. It's ridiculously hot and humid here (even now, at the end of October!), it's ugly and flat, the people seem very Stepford-y and unfriendly, and I'm just missing Oregon terribly. I left a boyfriend behind, good friends behind, and a town that I knew very well and finally felt at home in behind. For what? Better opportunities? I'm not happy and I honestly can't see myself ever really being happy in Houston. The goal is for me to find a job in Houston and move out once I have enough money saved, into the actual city itself. Now I find that idea just...unbearable. Houston is enormous, which I did know before moving down, but realizing just how long it takes to drive everywhere is making me nervous, and the multi-lane highways freak me out.

I want to move back. But there's a small part of me that thinks I haven't given it enough of a chance. I know I can't expect everything to happen instantly, but the not knowing how long it will be until I feel settled and have friends and my own place again makes me very depressed and frightened. I miss my boyfriend terribly and I miss the comforts I had back in Oregon. I miss the rain and the fresh smell of it and how green it is.
I don't know what to do. I know I will be disappointing my parents if I decide to just turn around and go back, and the hassle of moving back kind of overwhelms me (although all I would bring is clothes and personal effects, I don't have furniture), but I can just picture my feeling of relief if I were to move back. I sold my car while I was up there and I would have to find a job pretty quickly but I know I have people that could help me out until I got that done.

I don't know though. I just feel so miserable, and angry at myself for moving when I should have appreciated the things I loved about Oregon and just ignored the annoyances. Because everywhere you go there will be stupid people and annoyances, you just have to find the place where you can handle them because everything else cancels them out. Does anyone have advice, or a similar experience? I just feel so torn. It's been hard to transition to the adult phase of realizing that I can't do what necessarily makes my parents happy, I have to do what makes ME happy, because I have constantly sought their approval. God, this situation sucks.

Thanks for any advice or words of wisdom.
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Old 10-29-2010, 07:30 PM
 
Location: 60630
12,245 posts, read 17,982,982 times
Reputation: 11674
Quote:
Originally Posted by sinister sugar View Post
Hello,

This is my first post here, and I'm posting this because I'm agonizing a lot about my recent move and need some opinions/personal experiences.

I moved to a suburb of Houston from my college town in Oregon. I am 23 and moved back in with my parents, after much convincing on their part that it was the right thing to do...so I could "get my head straight," not have to to pay bills for a while, find a decent job (I graduated from college recently and haven't had a ton of luck finding anything), and start the next chapter of my life. When I made the decision to move down here I was in a pretty rough spot--I was having trouble staying afloat financially, I was frustrated with my situation in Oregon and the people I had to deal with, and my mother said that every time she heard from me I only had negative things to say. So, I was convinced that moving to Houston, where the job market is better and where I could stop worrying about bills while I stayed with my folks for a bit, would be a good idea.

Well, I haven't even been here three weeks and I'm already really regretting the move. I want to move back. I forgot how much I truly dislike Texas. My parents moved here after I moved to Oregon to go to school (we're from California originally), so it's never actually been home to me. Every time I visited for holidays I was always relieved to leave. It's ridiculously hot and humid here (even now, at the end of October!), it's ugly and flat, the people seem very Stepford-y and unfriendly, and I'm just missing Oregon terribly. I left a boyfriend behind, good friends behind, and a town that I knew very well and finally felt at home in behind. For what? Better opportunities? I'm not happy and I honestly can't see myself ever really being happy in Houston. The goal is for me to find a job in Houston and move out once I have enough money saved, into the actual city itself. Now I find that idea just...unbearable. Houston is enormous, which I did know before moving down, but realizing just how long it takes to drive everywhere is making me nervous, and the multi-lane highways freak me out.

I want to move back. But there's a small part of me that thinks I haven't given it enough of a chance. I know I can't expect everything to happen instantly, but the not knowing how long it will be until I feel settled and have friends and my own place again makes me very depressed and frightened. I miss my boyfriend terribly and I miss the comforts I had back in Oregon. I miss the rain and the fresh smell of it and how green it is.
I don't know what to do. I know I will be disappointing my parents if I decide to just turn around and go back, and the hassle of moving back kind of overwhelms me (although all I would bring is clothes and personal effects, I don't have furniture), but I can just picture my feeling of relief if I were to move back. I sold my car while I was up there and I would have to find a job pretty quickly but I know I have people that could help me out until I got that done.

I don't know though. I just feel so miserable, and angry at myself for moving when I should have appreciated the things I loved about Oregon and just ignored the annoyances. Because everywhere you go there will be stupid people and annoyances, you just have to find the place where you can handle them because everything else cancels them out. Does anyone have advice, or a similar experience? I just feel so torn. It's been hard to transition to the adult phase of realizing that I can't do what necessarily makes my parents happy, I have to do what makes ME happy, because I have constantly sought their approval. God, this situation sucks.

Thanks for any advice or words of wisdom.
You are 23 years old. What stops you from moving back?It is your life, and you need to be happy. I would start looking for jobs if I were you, in Oregon.
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Old 10-29-2010, 07:39 PM
 
4,628 posts, read 9,270,056 times
Reputation: 4238
Sinister, I have just two words for you: Go home. And i mean that as gently as possible
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Old 10-29-2010, 07:44 PM
 
3,573 posts, read 5,638,824 times
Reputation: 3438
I also say Go back to Oregon. Life is too short to be miserable.
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Old 10-29-2010, 09:20 PM
 
Location: Between Seattle and Portland
1,266 posts, read 2,841,736 times
Reputation: 1496
Indeed, follow your heart and you'll never regret it. You're an adult and are young enough to bounce back immediately. Your parents will understand, especially if you can keep your calls to them optimistic about the good things (like your boyfriend and other friends) in your life. (Your relief at getting home again will show in your voice.)

You could make your own job as a stopgap measure to where you'd really like to be employed by acting as a dog sitter/walker, babysitter, elder care visitor (for reading and conversation), house-sitting, or taking a minimum-wage job that would at least give you tips (wait-person/barista).

Good luck to you. I grew up in Eugene, and have lived in Grants Pass and Salem, and the WORST NEIGHBORHOOD in any of those places would seem more like home to me than any place in Texas. (Just a personal observation, folks, so take it easy if you love Houston.)
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Old 10-29-2010, 09:22 PM
 
Location: On the sunny side of a mountain
3,184 posts, read 7,056,621 times
Reputation: 6571
I once moved from Colorado to a suburb of Houston and I understand all your complaints about the area. If Oregon is where your heart is then you should go back.

The Holidays are coming up maybe you can find a retail job for the season to get some cash and buy some time to find a better job.

If you are unhappy living at home eventually everyone will be unhappy in the house. Let your parents know you love them and appreciate their help but you want to try making it on your own even if you have to struggle.
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Old 10-29-2010, 09:49 PM
 
18,852 posts, read 31,694,472 times
Reputation: 26111
Before you do anything, think..how much money do you have? Where are you going to live in Oregon? Are you expecting your parents to "help" you out financially? Are you expecting to have your boyfirend help you out?

Sorry, but you are now grown up...and the, I just want to move and live where I want is fine...the issue is, who is going to pay for this want? Can you pay for a plane ticket, and your living expenses for at least three months?

If you are able to pay for all of the things I listed above, and can pay your rent in Oregon, and find a job there, go ahead and move. But if you are expecting other people to pay for you to do what you want...forget about it. Those days are over.

Make a plan, now...are you considering graduate school? Even if you hate where you live, maybe that is a good idea to stay at home, and go to grad school, it is better to get more education when you are young.

Well, if you want to move back to Oregon, go ahead. But you are grown up now, so you need to support yourself. Make some mature choices, regarding your life. The party is over. You probably should stay home, work, and save money, that would be the most responsible thing to do....

Last edited by jasper12; 10-29-2010 at 10:06 PM.. Reason: edit
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Old 10-29-2010, 10:54 PM
 
Location: US Empire, Pac NW
5,008 posts, read 10,788,165 times
Reputation: 4125
If you truly dislike TX, then move back. Live with a friend and make an arrangement to pay for rent, or rent out a room while working something, ANYTHING, even a bartender or server at a restaurant.

Opportunities will come back, but it may be a VERY long time before that happens.

Then again, you've only been in Texas for three weeks. Give it about 6 months. Then you'll be able to make a more informed decision. I lived in St. Louis for two years when I got hired by my employer right out of college. I made friends, yes, but I hated St. Louis. I moved first chance I got to Seattle.
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Old 10-29-2010, 11:23 PM
 
43 posts, read 109,838 times
Reputation: 62
jasper12--I'm not really sure where I gave off the impression that I thought my life was some "party," that I could just do what I pleased carelessly and expect others to foot the bill. Because I certainly don't think that at all. I've been taking care of myself for the past five years, independent of my parents', or anyone's help. I have paid all my bills and bought myself a car, all on my own, while also graduating college. It's just been in the past year that I have been struggling to find a paying job, and have had to do a lot of random, under the counter, or tips-based jobs to get by, like many other recent college grads in this economy. I've already talked to my BF, and he knows of a part-time job or two that I could do once I returned, and I'm certainly not averse to seasonal holiday retail work, or anything else to earn my keep. I have a very strong sense of personal responsibility and independence, and honestly, as much as I appreciate my parents helping me out right now, I feel very uncomfortable not working and paying for myself. And in regards to grad school, I already have a ton of loans to pay back for undergrad. I'm not really sure adding to that debt with grad school is the wisest choice right now. I haven't ruled grad school out, but it's not something I plan on doing right now. Especially in this economic environment, I feel like work experience has more value than education anyway these days.

eskercurve--I truly dislike Texas. But that's what I'm concerned about--that I'm not giving it enough of a chance. All I can think about is returning to Oregon though, and how much I miss it. I feel like I won't even give TX a chance because I'll just be looking for reasons to hate it and go back.

But what a lot of you said is kind of how I feel--I'm fairly young, I don't have kids, I don't have obligations to anybody. Anybody but myself. And a lot of me feels like the only reason I would continue to stay here was to make other people happy, to make my parents think I was truly trying to "make something of myself." Which I of course want to do. I just don't know if I can do it here and be all that content.
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Old 10-29-2010, 11:45 PM
 
Location: West Michigan
654 posts, read 3,106,770 times
Reputation: 567
Sinister,

I can definitely empathize with you here. I am 10 years older than you, but your situation is very similar to mine, though under different situations.

I had lived in Michigan for several years, and I love it there. I have made many friends and I was able to enjoy life being there on my own. I grew up in the Houston area and over time I have came to not care for living here. Of course, my mom wanted all her kids to stay near her--didn't have a problem with us visiting other states, but not to move there. In fact, she is still trying to talk me out of leaving to go back to MI. But I have to do what's best for me, not her or anyone else. If you are always living based on what others always want, you will always cheat yourself out of what you could have.

Never been to OR but heard it was beautiful, hope to visit there someday.

Back in 2007 I moved back here to Texas, thinking maybe things would have been different. I was wrong. I have been here for 3 years now and I am yearning to return to Michigan. Each time I went up there I didn't want to leave. I truly regretted in making that move, but what's done is done. Most of my family lives here which is always nice to see them, but afterward I am ready to go back to my own place. Plus I love the change of the seasons as of course you know doesn't really exist in Texas.

Like you, I have no kids, single, and nothing to tie me down. Though I do have a house I have to sell, I can still move while that's in progress.

So by December, I am working now on packing my things to move back to MI. And once I get back there I am not leaving there again. Go what your heart feels and don't feel you have to live for the approval of everyone else, even if its your own family. Its your life and you have to do what makes you happy. That's what I am doing now. Each time I think of myself being there, I feel excitement and motivated to get what I need to get done.

I lived in Texas most of my life (born in Ohio though), and there's just nothing here that would really want to make me stay. I may be here physically for now, but my heart is in MI.

Good luck to you in your journey!
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