U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > General Moving Issues
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-20-2011, 05:33 PM
 
290 posts, read 462,027 times
Reputation: 291

Advertisements

This is a prime example of why people should not be buying homes as much as they are. Even after the housing crash, it looks like you bought again. When you are moving because you are chasing a job, do not buy a house until you are sure you are going to be there for a while. What is the stigma against renting? I do not get it. The days are long over where you could buy a house be guaranteed to sell the house quickly and at least break even. That'd one. Home ownership is the biggest thing to restricting freedom anymore.

Can you rent out your current house? Will the rent come close to covering the mortgage? That might be an option as long as you do not buy at the new location. I am getting close to moving back to family so I think you should find a way to do it. There's always a way. Family is very big in my book and you need to enjoy your loved ones while they are still around. You don't want to have regrets down the road.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-20-2011, 07:09 PM
 
Location: Outer Space
1,524 posts, read 3,450,083 times
Reputation: 1796
Quote:
Originally Posted by queenswake View Post
This is a prime example of why people should not be buying homes as much as they are.
+1. Why buy another house when you haven't even sold the first one? Why buy a house far away from your family when you know being close to your family is something important to you? Odd.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-20-2011, 08:26 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 3,989,947 times
Reputation: 1903
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonnenwende View Post
+1. Why buy another house when you haven't even sold the first one? Why buy a house far away from your family when you know being close to your family is something important to you? Odd.
Let me first say that we did rent this house prior to selling our previous home. So, I am sorry that I didn't relay all of the details to the situation. We then were able to rent our previous home and were approved for the mortgage for this home. The owner of this home from whom we were first renting from, wanted to sell & we were not willing to up and move yet again , move our children to a potentially different elementary school if we couldn't find something in the same area,etc.....
but no, we didn't just up & move and buy another home. We just bought this home after renting it for 18 months first.

We do not live near our family because FOURTEEN years ago, my husband wasn't able to find a job in our home town after being laid off from Kodak.
So, he found one , unfortunately, away from home.
Many people move away from their families because their jobs dictate they do so. Unfortunately, if you don't have a job, it means you can't pay for a home, apartment, whatever it may be.... so, you move where there is work. Right? yes.

This possible opportunity presented itself and he pursued it because we would have regretted not doing so. He was very upfront with them from the beginning that his decision if an offer were to be made, would be based highly on what type of relo was offered and he explained we had just gone through this 2 years previous. So, they knew ahead of time what he was looking for in order for him to accept.

We are still awaiting some answers to questions but right now, we don't feel it is financially a sound decision to make.

I do appreciate your questions and your opinion though.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-20-2011, 08:29 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 3,989,947 times
Reputation: 1903
Quote:
Originally Posted by queenswake View Post
This is a prime example of why people should not be buying homes as much as they are. Even after the housing crash, it looks like you bought again. When you are moving because you are chasing a job, do not buy a house until you are sure you are going to be there for a while. What is the stigma against renting? I do not get it. The days are long over where you could buy a house be guaranteed to sell the house quickly and at least break even. That'd one. Home ownership is the biggest thing to restricting freedom anymore.

Can you rent out your current house? Will the rent come close to covering the mortgage? That might be an option as long as you do not buy at the new location. I am getting close to moving back to family so I think you should find a way to do it. There's always a way. Family is very big in my book and you need to enjoy your loved ones while they are still around. You don't want to have regrets down the road.
? we did rent this home for 18 months having just recently purchased it.
We were able to rent our previous home and then eventually sell it.
We don't have anything against renting and yes, we could possibly rent this home out. However, it still doesn't help with the fact that homes that currently sold, have sold for less than we paid for this home. We are not in a position to lose more money. This is one of the conflicts which we are dealing with.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2011, 01:19 PM
 
5,703 posts, read 16,124,906 times
Reputation: 8557
I will give you my perspective although it might not relate but take from it what you can.

We relocated away from family 3 yrs ago. After struggling in our hometown we finally realized we had to go someplace else. It was pretty tough and my child had a hard time adjusting. The family was kind of pissed as most of them never relocated before so I don't think really understood what a huge decision and change it was for us. Some actually tried to make us feel like failures because we couldn't make it in our town. Our move has been a good thing overall. Although at times I miss the family especially when we hear about a bq or some other get together that went on, that we normally would have attended. Or when I get photos from family and realize the children are growing up so fast they are almost unrecognizable to me now. But then every once in a while some sort of tiff will happen and I realize I don't miss being that close to family. I like the distance.

Another thing I noticed is that each area has its own little culture. My son had a hard time adjusting to our new locale. The things that interested him are not popular here. So he had a hard time fitting in at first. If your children are used to being where they are now and you move back home, your kids might have a hard time adjusting to that new culture. When I go home to visit, it feels foreign to me now. Change happens but for some reason I didnt expect it to. I go home to visit and I feel like a 3 yr old. "what is that? when did that place close? when did they build that? when did the neighbor die? Ma, you never told me you got new carpet?' It almost seems like a whole different place and some of the changes I have seen are not good either. Due to the economy and my hometown being hit rather hard, the amount of foreclosures stunned me and the crime has really increased since I left. Even my son who suffered severe homesickness says that he sometimes feels a little lost. He missed home so badly but its not the same as he remembered it. In a way, I think the frequent visits home, actually helped him adjust better to where we live now.

My husband had an older brother (I never met, he passed away before I married into the family) went through what you are now. It was during the 70's and after he graduated from HS he went into the military. After that he was offered a job in TX. He met a woman, got married and had a couple of kids. But he always wanted to move back home. He convinced his wife to give it a shot. They left a home and good jobs. The economy at that time was pretty terrible and it took them months to find employment. Since the family had always whined about wanting him to move back home, they missed him so much, blah blah, he really felt it was the best thing over all. But after the first two days, the party was over. Everyone went on with their lives and my brother n law was hurt. He thought how great it would be to be close to his family again after so many years. The family did not fully understand what he gave up. He mentioned how he thought everyone should spend more time together and was shocked when the family lost their patience and pretty much said they have their own lives now. Even my husband at the time didnt really understand the need his brother had. It simply wasn't the same as he remembered.

Your family member's snide comment about hearing you complain made me think of the story that I just wrote above. I personally like not being so close to family. Less drama but I realize not everyone feels that way. Financially you will recover. It may take a while but its up to you on how important it is to be by family. Just remember it will be different and not as you remembered. Good luck in whatever decision you make.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2011, 05:11 PM
 
Location: Nebraska
4,179 posts, read 9,387,002 times
Reputation: 9551
We were married for 25 years before we moved away from family... while we were there, we were 'expected' to take care of our elderly parents, as well as our brothers' and sisters' kids, since we were "the most stable" - we were the "most stable" because we didn't change partners and relationships like underwear, we worked hard for what we got, and we didn't do anything frivolous with our money. We actually kept cars until we couldn't find parts for them any more! We stayed in the same house for 20 years. We invested well, and worked hard. When the last child graduated college, we sold everything, including our portfolio and moved 1700 miles from our family and hometown, to a farm in the middle of nowhere, NE - our dream. We caught holy heck for it, too - our family expected us to stay put and take care of them, put up with their little dramas, for the rest of our and their lives. It took us two years to sell the 'old' house, and we rented it out until we did. We saw a hefty profit from it, too - because we waited and had planned for the double payments (on which the rent helped).

Even though I am not going thru what you are - I won't leave this property until I'm carried off, cold and hard - the point is that we waited, thought, planned, and plotted very carefully before we moved. We had worked darned hard to get where we were, and to have what we had. No one and nothing was worth giving up the dream for which we had worked and planned and plotted - including three years of scoping out property that suited our dream. Our plans and our lives are for US, no one else; not our neighbors, not our friends, not our families.

What do you REALLY want? Are you reasonably happy where you are? Do you have happy memories of the wonderful family time - or are you exaggerating them to yourselves because you felt guilty for moving away? Are you doing better or worse than you were 'back home'? Do you feel good or do you feel guilty about that, too? As a previous poster said, make a list of the pros and cons of moving. Most importantly, be completely honest with yourselves and each other, not just about the financial and other challeges, but about your feelings - when you first thought about moving away from 'home' were you heartbroken? Excited? Did you love your new home at first, but have circumstances there changed your mind? Is it really such a bad place to live? Or did the rough time you had trying to sell your old house, and get adjusted to your new place, make you sad and bitter and wish for the comfort of just staying put? Do you feel that you are needed back home, or do you need that comfort?

When we first moved, our families and friends kept saying how awful it was that we left, how much they missed us, how much they needed us, when were we moving back, weren't we going to visit? After 3 years, they have for the most part moved on with their lives - without us, just as we moved on with our lives without them. Going back now would not only interfere with the life we have built, and destroy the dream we had for 25 years - it would also disrupt their lives, their dynamics, their pushme-pullyou syncronicity. Dealing with that would be very stressful - and, to us, simply not worth it. So sit down, not just for one night, but for a week or so, and figure out where you are going, what you really want - 5, 10, even 20 years from now - and work toward that. If it includes moving back home, plan for that. If it doesn't, you'll know - and be happy in the resolution.
JMHO.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-24-2011, 10:01 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 3,989,947 times
Reputation: 1903
Unfortunately, when a company offers a job, they don't give you "weeks" to make your decision. This is a BIG decision to make and we have to make in a VERY short period of time. We have already asked for an extension because we are trying to weigh the pros, the cons, our feelings,their feelings, our financial situation,etc... they want an answer by tomorrow now though.....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-24-2011, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Cumming, Georgia
808 posts, read 2,900,903 times
Reputation: 334
I moved from Michigan to Atlanta GA back in December. My wife and 4 kids are selling the house. I Skype with them every day and fly home once every 3-4 weeks. We've been doing it for 4 months now. I decided to take the job in ATL because it offers much more opportunity.

It will have to be the right move career wise for me to go back to Michigan. Yes, we are leaving both sets of grandparents in Michigan but we plan on coming back once a year for the holidays and my wife (stay home mom) will bring the kids to Lake Michigan for about a month each summer.

Are there opportunities for your husband to grow with the current company? What about in the area you currently live? You mentioned that you are 7 hours away from the hometown...can you visit several times a year? From ATL, I'm 12 hours away by car but 2 hours away by plane.

If I were in your shoes, I'd stay put for now. Good luck in your decision!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-31-2011, 08:20 AM
 
5,244 posts, read 4,284,609 times
Reputation: 1840
I can't wait to hear your decision. SInce you haven't been on here, are you busy packing boxes?

In all your writings, I always heard this little voice behind me saying, "you have to think of the daily life you will live and will it be comfortable? Yes, your family will call every other day, or even every two days or see them every other day but on the odd day you don't see them, are you comfortable being there, financially, with the kids, etc?"
Hope you let us know what you decided...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-31-2011, 06:53 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 3,989,947 times
Reputation: 1903
Quote:
Originally Posted by therewego View Post
I can't wait to hear your decision. SInce you haven't been on here, are you busy packing boxes?

In all your writings, I always heard this little voice behind me saying, "you have to think of the daily life you will live and will it be comfortable? Yes, your family will call every other day, or even every two days or see them every other day but on the odd day you don't see them, are you comfortable being there, financially, with the kids, etc?"
Hope you let us know what you decided...
no, not packing boxes, unfortunately....

After many,many hours (days) of looking at our best options and discussing things with the relo company, our financial advisor and waiting for a CMA from the Realtor, we have decided that we are not moving.
It was a difficult decision to say the least, as this is what I have waited for.
Unfortunately, having just been through what we went through with this last relo, it doesn't make financial sense.
We spoke with our families and we hope that they understand. They have never been in this position, so we know they can't fully comprehend all that was behind this.

I will move forward and be content and focus on the positives in which we have in our area.
Thank you all for your honest input & advice, I truly appreciate it!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > General Moving Issues
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 09:59 PM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top