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I left my kids for a year, to go to graduate school, I don't really even think that they missed me much. I left in August, came home for Christmas, Spring Break, did my internship in the summer, was back by end of August, and increased my salary earnings by double, if not more. It was one short year. Most Mom's would not have done that...but I had the opportunity, and did it. It was the best choice I ever made for myself. My youngest was 2 at the time. It was a blip in a lifetime. They don't really even remember it now, my oldest son was 10, he just remembers being with the babysitter more, and that his Father did not know how to make macaroni and cheese, and he had to teach him.
As I recall now, I did not really agonize over it, I knew it was a good decision to do, I did it, my family completely supported me, and thought that I was great for doing it. No one said I was a rotten Mother or anything. I probably beat myself up more than they did.
Last edited by jasper12; 07-18-2011 at 05:07 PM..
Reason: edit
Oh, I have looked at it from all possible angles. Job, no job, living situations, everything. After the Great Depression, my grandfather & his brother packed up & moved from Mississippi to Chicago. They had no job, no unemployment coming in(unlike myself), no real education. They had determination & will. I'm one of those who despises handouts & I NEVER ask for anything. I've been w/o a home, car, money.. That's nothing new to me. I also keep it real. If it doesn't work out, I'll drive back to Chicago, tail between legs & admit my failure...and start right back again.
I had several questions I was going to ask you, after reading your initial post. As I moved along through the thread, you answered many of them and now that you've posted this last one, I'll say you have the right idea. Why stay in a place where you have no job and you want to leave, anyway? Since you'll receive UI benefits, that problem is taken care of, too. You have friends and relatives in the area you are heading to, so you will probably have temporary housing, if you need it.
About your mom. Of course, she doesn't want you to go. Mainly, because you are her child and she'll miss you. Unfortunately, a lot of parents want to keep their kids close because they are afraid of losing them. Although a lovely sentiment, it's a little selfish. Again, understandable because she loves you. About your friend. Probably just envious because she wishes she could be brave enough to do what you're about to do.
Still, you are in a great position right now. You have no job so how much worse could it be if you stay where you are? I say go for it and all the best to you in your new adventure. BTW, you have the right idea about people who lived during the The Great Depression. Many of them lived hand to mouth until an opportunity finally came their way. Remember this ... When you have nothing, you have nothing to lose by taking the risk. So I repeat ... Go for it!!!
And don't worry about the heat. They have air conditioning in Texas
For the record, you will fail only if you believe you will.
Very important when moving and collecting unemployment insurance. Establish a address before you move (PO boxes are very handy). EDD will ask you how long it took to move and subtract benefits for days unavailable to work. At the least you can claim one day of moving.
what i seem to be missing here is why you can't just decide to take 2 weeks, make the trip to houston, and put 100% into finding a job. apply everywhere and leave no stone unturned.
if you find a job then you move with your child- if you don't then you don't move (at least to houston).
what i seem to be missing here is why you can't just decide to take 2 weeks, make the trip to houston, and put 100% into finding a job. apply everywhere and leave no stone unturned.
if you find a job then you move with your child- if you don't then you don't move (at least to houston).
is there something i am missing with this plan?
I agree 100 percent. If she were homeless, or needing chemo in another state etc I would get it. But you don't just leave your kid with relatives while you traipse off in life and start anew..... intending to send for him later. You deal with living with your mom WITH your son and look for a job in the new area though resumes or a trip as you suggested. As i said. Never met a parent who did what she wants to do without a good reason, (homeless etc) when it was not because she wanted to stop dealing with parenting for awhile.
what i seem to be missing here is why you can't just decide to take 2 weeks, make the trip to houston, and put 100% into finding a job. apply everywhere and leave no stone unturned.
if you find a job then you move with your child- if you don't then you don't move (at least to houston).
is there something i am missing with this plan?
I've done that earlier this year and the universal comment was,'when you move down here, contact us again.'
As for moving with my son, at first I thought about bringing him until I talked with ly mom and his dad and they brought up the idea of moving first then coming to get him. His dad is in the middle east and doesn't return till August and wanted more time to spend with him(long story).
Very important when moving and collecting unemployment insurance. Establish a address before you move (PO boxes are very handy). EDD will ask you how long it took to move and subtract benefits for days unavailable to work. At the least you can claim one day of moving.
Thanks. I was going to make the drive on the weekend and my friend has been letting me use her address for job search purposes and to give IDES. I figure I I move on a Friday, I can subtract that from the benefits.
I agree 100 percent. If she were homeless, or needing chemo in another state etc I would get it. But you don't just leave your kid with relatives while you traipse off in life and start anew..... intending to send for him later. You deal with living with your mom WITH your son and look for a job in the new area though resumes or a trip as you suggested. As i said. Never met a parent who did what she wants to do without a good reason, (homeless etc) when it was not because she wanted to stop dealing with parenting for awhile.
'Trapeze off and start anew..' your opinion but its not the case. As I've stated before to you, if i did not want my child, he would not be here. You assume wrong but then again, you aren't in ly shoes and such. Quick family info for you. My aunts mother did the same thing 50 years ago.. not because she wanted a break from parenting but due to the fact that she was suffering and needed help. You judge and make assiumptions and basically try to call me a bad parent. If I was not thinking and striving for better for my child and I, it would be different.
Since you don't know me personally and are going by your personal experience and the info I've presented, I will state this to you. My first priority has and always will be my son. If I could find work in Chicago I'd stay. But I cannot. And so, I'm moving where there is a possibility for growth in our lives. I would be an unfit parent to have my child staying in a motel or extended stay by himself while I pound the pavement looking for work. I'm no Casey Anthony and I'm not living no beautiful life. Life is not without choices and I'm really tired of people who think that everything is simple. It's not. I'm never away from my child and if I am, its no longer than a few days.. and that's for charity work. So, do refrain from standing on your soapbox assuming everyone who doesn't do what you think is right is unfit.
Funny how a reader interprets a comment. Nowhere in your posts, Diva, did I get the impression you are abandoning your child. From everything I've read, you are trying to secure employment and make a life for you and your son.
We're in very shaky times right now in this country and a lot of people have had to make decisions that they wouldn't normally do. By your words, it's clear that you love your son very much and you've also experienced some things (where you currently live) that aren't pleasant.
You are still very young and that's a bonus for you. Starting over in a new place can be a breath of fresh air. Further, it's not like you're just dropping out of sight altogether. I see nothing wrong in your son staying with your parents until you secure a job and a place to live. Your little guy will transition better if he moves once instead of bouncing from place to place while you try to get settled. Even though he's young, he has the capacity to understand, as long as you keep him in the loop. Call him as often as you can and update him on how things are going. He will love that. Children are very perceptive. Tell him you are doing this for both of you and that you will do everything in your power to make this work out. As long as he knows he's included in this move (even if he doesn't go with you now), he will be okay with staying with his grandparents.
The fact that you have friends there is a huge benefit. It's so much harder making a move like this when you have no one on the other end to greet you. Take it from someone who probably has shoes older than you, make your move now and don't wait until you can't remember what day of the week it is.
Funny how a reader interprets a comment. Nowhere in your posts, Diva, did I get the impression you are abandoning your child. From everything I've read, you are trying to secure employment and make a life for you and your son.
We're in very shaky times right now in this country and a lot of people have had to make decisions that they wouldn't normally do. By your words, it's clear that you love your son very much and you've also experienced some things (where you currently live) that aren't pleasant.
You are still very young and that's a bonus for you. Starting over in a new place can be a breath of fresh air. Further, it's not like you're just dropping out of sight altogether. I see nothing wrong in your son staying with your parents until you secure a job and a place to live. Your little guy will transition better if he moves once instead of bouncing from place to place while you try to get settled. Even though he's young, he has the capacity to understand, as long as you keep him in the loop. Call him as often as you can and update him on how things are going. He will love that. Children are very perceptive. Tell him you are doing this for both of you and that you will do everything in your power to make this work out. As long as he knows he's included in this move (even if he doesn't go with you now), he will be okay with staying with his grandparents.
The fact that you have friends there is a huge benefit. It's so much harder making a move like this when you have no one on the other end to greet you. Take it from someone who probably has shoes older than you, make your move now and don't wait until you can't remember what day of the week it is.
I wasn't referring to you and thank you for your previous post
I got him one of those prepaid phones so we can call eachother. When I had to take care of my father' s business in Tulsa, we talked everyday. we talk about the move and he asks questions about everything. And you are right about children being perceptive. He sees how it affects me and asks me all the time when is our situation going to change. But in all honesty, I do feel this is a good move for us.
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