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So we are very serious about moving to NC, we can transfer jobs with our companies. We have 4 kids ages 18, 13, 13 and 10. The oldest has just graduated and is going to be a fireman. He has worked very hard and has made a lot of connections with 2 fd in our area. He has been offered positions at both since he has been very active in the cadet programs. He doesn't want to move and I don't want to force him and take all his opportunities away. My parents have agreed the he can stay with them until he finishes training so its not like I'm leaving him to fend for himself and will send money to cover expenses. That being said I'm comfortable leaving him now BUT am struggling with the idea of living 13 hours away when he is married and has children. He doesn't think he'll ever want to move out of Illinois but part of me thinks he's young and things change. I feel like I would leave with the hope he would eventually move closer but not sure I can deal with the reality that he may not. On the other hand the move would be great for my husband and I and our other 3 children who are very excited about the move, most importantly we NEED to get out of our current school district. Oh woe is me...any thoughts?
TIA!
Oh beck6 - I feel your pain. With that said - Make the move. So much can and will happen in his life - there is no guarantee that he won't want to join you in NC. The fact that he can stay with his grandparents is such a plus.
I just moved a three day drive away from my daughter and granddaughter - was it hard? YES absolutely - but with cell phones, email, facebook and Skype - they aren't that far away.
I joined the USAF at 19 and figured I would be back home in 4 years. 27 years later - do I miss my mother and sisters? YES - but with visits and a shared summer vacation (or 2) - I am as close to them as if I had never left.
Hi there... just wanted to say I understand how you feel. My husband and I are getting ready to move in December and for the first time I will be away from my son... he is 26. I know he will be fine, and all that -- BUT like you I have these pangs of despair thinking of how much I will miss him, and how much I might miss out on when life goes on with me being far away... thankfully he isn't ready to have kids or that thought would really drive me crazy.
I've been talking to others about this, and it's been reassuring. At some point it's healthy to let go, and in this day and age staying in touch is much easier. I plan to make trips to see my son, and to also have him visit us. I figure quality visits will keep us close.
Something else... I think when a parent moves, it encourages the kids to go out and explore too. It doesn't tie them to a certain area. I see posts on this forum from lots of young people who really want to move but the parents try to guilt them into staying for the sake of the parents and what they want, rather than encouraging the kids to spread their wings. I don't think that is right.
Enjoy NC, and keep in mind your son will also get to experience NC when he visits you. Who knows someday he might want to move to that area himself
Oh beck6 - I feel your pain. With that said - Make the move. So much can and will happen in his life - there is no guarantee that he won't want to join you in NC. The fact that he can stay with his grandparents is such a plus.
I just moved a three day drive away from my daughter and granddaughter - was it hard? YES absolutely - but with cell phones, email, facebook and Skype - they aren't that far away.
I joined the USAF at 19 and figured I would be back home in 4 years. 27 years later - do I miss my mother and sisters? YES - but with visits and a shared summer vacation (or 2) - I am as close to them as if I had never left.
He is begin his Post HS life. He has a safety net where you are now with his grandparents, (I guessing he has a good relationship with them.) I would not worry about Your 18yo son (future wife & kids alot can happen in the years to come). You can visit, he can come down to NC and visit, a 13hr drive is not that bad, and he might bring the grandparent along to NC with him when he comes. 13hr is a long drive for the 'grandparents' but not for a 18yo. So the GP have a shared way of get down to visit you and the other 3 grandkids.
One note: Have a sit down with Him & his Grandparent (its been a long time since they have had a teenager in the house) and set up the grounds rules for living there, put them in writing. Thinks like responsibility around there house, friends/guest of his, (Overnight visits?) Friends/guest departure times. Sound levels at night, At what point he should to get his own apt. Things like that.
Have good move, and your son will be begin his adult adventure.
I totally understand where you are coming from. My 26 year old son is moving from Arizona to Boise, ID next month and it's killing me! He has lived 2 hours away from us for the past 3 years but I always knew if he needed me I could be there quickly. Now it will be about 15 hours away, so not so easy.
I feel all the same things. What about if he gets married and has kids? I just keep hoping that maybe things won't be so great away from family and he will want to come back one day.
The biggest thing I have to remind myself is that he is an adult and makes his own choices. I might not agree with all of his choices, like buying a pet snake or moving away, but I have to keep my mouth closed and bite my tongue A LOT! They need to make their own mistakes sometimes and we just have to hope they learn from their mistakes. At least my son did with the pet snake!
Hang in there and be reassured that at least the grandparents will be there for him. You need to do what is right for you and your family and now that your son is an adult, he needs to do what is right for him.
He basically has decided to stay for reaons of his future as he sees it and you need to encourage him.Also realise that you are more likely facing this in coming times witht eh other children. Don't hold them back by guilt from doig what they want and see as their future. In this case afteralll its your future you are trying to impose on him;he isn't moving. Its naturally what happnes and you need to move on with your life .
So we are very serious about moving to NC, we can transfer jobs with our companies. We have 4 kids ages 18, 13, 13 and 10. The oldest has just graduated and is going to be a fireman. He has worked very hard and has made a lot of connections with 2 fd in our area. He has been offered positions at both since he has been very active in the cadet programs. He doesn't want to move and I don't want to force him and take all his opportunities away. My parents have agreed the he can stay with them until he finishes training so its not like I'm leaving him to fend for himself and will send money to cover expenses. That being said I'm comfortable leaving him now BUT am struggling with the idea of living 13 hours away when he is married and has children. He doesn't think he'll ever want to move out of Illinois but part of me thinks he's young and things change. I feel like I would leave with the hope he would eventually move closer but not sure I can deal with the reality that he may not. On the other hand the move would be great for my husband and I and our other 3 children who are very excited about the move, most importantly we NEED to get out of our current school district. Oh woe is me...any thoughts?
TIA!
No matter what, your son will always be your son. Be glad that he is doing something positive, helping others and following his passion.
Let him spread his wings and fly. I can promise he will always come back to you when the time allows. I left home at 18 and I have always managed to "fly back".
Plus, these days it's so much easier to stay in touch via computer, phone, skype, etc.
As hard as it is, give yourself a pat on the back! You raised a son who wishes to be independent and pursue his dreams. I know not very fun for mom or dad at times but you did everything a parent should. Once he starts a family he may realize the IL school district is not something he wants for his children either and may move closer to you.
I am 19 so i am around your sons age. I live with roomates and work part time while attending a local community college. Moved out a year ago and was very nervous! I love how you are such a great parent and really want to make sure your sons okay! So since we are around the same age i can tell you alot of changes will happen after he graduates! Once you leave high school its uncomfortable and you feel alone. What do you need at that time? Most would think family but nope, you need friends, job, schooling etc. At that age you want to be independent and if parents are there to "hold your hand" you feel like a baby! Now not all high school grads. feel this way but your son seems like he is striving for independence....doing well in his job! So dont worry you are doing the right thing just be by the phone if he calls to help him through the homesickness he MAY feel at some points during his first year "away" from your family. You covering his expenses is a luxury not all people have (my parents said you want out, you pay all expenses then) so he is lucky for you doing that! The hardest part i think will be for you to let go off your first child in a sense! He is the first to "leave the nest" you said you dont want to miss the birth of his child etc. As long as you keep a good realtionship with him he will inform you months before he has a baby and you can visit! Basically you seem like a outstanding mother, and its time to let go off one bird ( your son). You are doing the right thing, which ever way you go
Best of luck moved out this year at 19 and loving it!
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but you did everything a parent should. Once he starts a family he may realize the IL school district is not something he wants for his children either and may move closer to you.
Great Parent
