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Old 07-29-2011, 06:30 AM
 
Location: Midwest transplant
2,011 posts, read 4,978,348 times
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My parents moved away from our family "home" (where my brother and I were raised) before I was married. They decided upon retirement (1985) that they were going back "home" to their friends and family after being away for 30+ years (my Dad was transferred several times during his employment). They waited until the family dog died, sold their home in two hours and never looked back. I would visit 2 or 3 times a year (I had gone to college in the same state and all of my relatives were still there).

My brother and I married and each of us moved out of state from our childhood "home". So, we never go "home" unless it's for high school class reunion.

When people ask me where "home" is I have to explain that I'm a gypsy (just kidding). I really don't have any one place that I would call "home". Growing up I lived in 3 states, as an adult I've lived and worked in 2 different states. My husband and I are approaching retirement and are looking at moving to the same town my parents were from and retired to, because that's where my family (cousins, aunts, college roommate) still lives. Go figure...only goes to show you never know how life may pan out for you.
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Old 07-29-2011, 03:05 PM
 
Location: North Dakota
7,667 posts, read 8,958,791 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fallingwater View Post
Complaining about going home seems to be a trend on here lately. Count me in on getting tired of going home. We moved to our new state 3 yrs ago and I swear we haven't seen much of it due to anytime we have available time, its spent going home. I personally hate it but my son gets homesick. He misses all the get togethers that we use to attend. The thing is my in-laws have been very meddlesome in my marriage and it was a relief to me moving away from them. I hated those get togethers. I never bad mouthed my in-laws to my son because they treat him like gold. It is not fair for me to discuss such matters, but he doesn't know about my secret anguish. My husband finally gets it and says that I should spend time with my family and he will deal with his (he hates going home also) but we spend the time apart and its not much of a vacation. At some point I have to figure out a better plan because I'm tired of it.
Your best bet is to go visit home every other year. We went to see both parents' families almost every year for vacation. We would go there and not do anything and the ride home was hell because my parents would be in a bad mood that they spent their vacations not doing anything but sitting around relatives' houses. These were people who were capable of coming to visit us. We have been away from Iowa for 20 years and I can count on one hand the number of times certain relatives came to visit. Now that I am in Wyoming and 8 hours away from my parents, I don't mind going up for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the Fourth of July and other times in the summer when I can. However, we have an understanding that I do like to travel other places besides Montana. The Iowa relatives know that I will only go there every other year. Have these kinds of conversations and set ground work. It is difficult but you will be glad you did.
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Old 07-29-2011, 08:42 PM
 
5,703 posts, read 16,132,579 times
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Originally Posted by WyoEagle View Post
Your best bet is to go visit home every other year. We went to see both parents' families almost every year for vacation. We would go there and not do anything and the ride home was hell because my parents would be in a bad mood that they spent their vacations not doing anything but sitting around relatives' houses. These were people who were capable of coming to visit us. We have been away from Iowa for 20 years and I can count on one hand the number of times certain relatives came to visit. Now that I am in Wyoming and 8 hours away from my parents, I don't mind going up for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the Fourth of July and other times in the summer when I can. However, we have an understanding that I do like to travel other places besides Montana. The Iowa relatives know that I will only go there every other year. Have these kinds of conversations and set ground work. It is difficult but you will be glad you did.
Thanks for the advice. This is actually one of my concerns as my son will look back on the trips "home" and think about how cranky his parents were the whole time. We try to play it up that we are happy about going home but neither his father nor I will be winning any oscars. Last year we went home several times. I think the once a year visit is a good rule.
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Old 07-31-2011, 11:57 AM
 
Location: North Dakota
7,667 posts, read 8,958,791 times
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In a week I am going to be visiting my Iowa relatives and applying my rule. Be glad if you can put on a happy face for your son. I'm sure my parents tried but they just weren't good actors. I am glad that they are willing to come and see me as well since they also got tired of going to Iowa. They have also taken my advice and not gone as often as they used to. I must be a bad influence.
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Old 07-31-2011, 08:55 PM
 
Location: Mountain girl trapped on the beach
588 posts, read 687,699 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WyoEagle View Post
I always get asked every summer if I am going "home" to visit. While I do make it back on the 4th of July every year, I don't always get back other than that time. I also go back for Thanksgiving and Christmas since I am only 8 hours away. My question is, how many of you get asked if you are going "home" whenever you are taking any vacation? It seems that people I work with think I don't want to go anywhere else but my parents' houses when I have time off. Just curious how many other people hear this constantly. This is not meant to be a rant in any way.
I get this question a lot, but I live in Miami. Many of the people I know moved here from another country and several of them do not intend to stay in the US for their entire career. Their family still lives in their home country, and they tend to be close-knit Latin families, so for them vacation is synonymous with "going home." I'm not sure it has occurred to them that they could go somewhere else if they wanted to.

When they find out I haven't seen any of my family in 2-1/2 years they think we must not be close but that's not true; we are just all busy and are scattered around the country. Like Teachbeach, my parents no longer live in the house we grew up in (actually, they live in a different state now) so in a way, there's no "home" to go back to.
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