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Old 10-09-2011, 11:11 AM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
29,735 posts, read 16,475,984 times
Reputation: 22337

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Quote:
Originally Posted by TempNest View Post
Ringo1--how old was your son when you moved away?
He started his sophomore year in our new state. It was a tough decision; but we visited here several times before we made our decision.

He wangled himself an invite with the local swim team here and swam with the team once before we moved. He liked it.

Bottom line ~ HE was ready to try something new or I would not have moved.

He will tell me that he does miss his old friends ~ but also that he is getting a better education here and has grown as a person.

Good Luck!
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Old 10-09-2011, 01:41 PM
 
274 posts, read 508,074 times
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With so many means of communication living away from family is not the same as it was. With skyre the family can see and communicate with you and the children all the time. Airline tickets are not that expensive a few times a year. What I am picking up between the lines is things back home were not as great as you remembered. Old friends moved, changed, whatever the case. Make sure the samething has not happened in Tx in your absence. The saying about you can't go home is a good one. I would go to Tx for a week, spend time with your friends there are things the same as you remember them being there or not. Then make up your mind. How is husband's relationship with the in laws, and when you ask for the really truth about how he feels be woman enough to hear his complete answer.
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Old 10-09-2011, 06:58 PM
 
25 posts, read 63,319 times
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I have nothing to offer but sympathy. We are about to make our 3rd move with my husband's company, and we debated mightily about whether to take an offer closer to family or hold out for an area that was more geographically appealing to us. We have lived within a 7 hr drive of home for the past 5 years, so the kids have spent time with family, but now will be much closer. We hated the place we lived these past 3 years, loved the place we were in for 2 years before that.

I'm just praying we made the right decision, because the past few years living someplace that none of us like was very hard. But I fear that living in a town we all love but that is 2 or 3 flights from home would also be hard.

The only thing I can tell you with CERTAINTY is that it's much harder for both parents to work when you have to rely on a rotating crew of paid caregivers (sitters, pre-school ,aftercare, etc) instead of grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. I am so jealous of my coworkers that can call Mom to pick up the kids from school, or go eat dinner with their parents when their husband is out of town. We are on our 4th sitter now (in 3 years) and I have come near having a nervous breakdown so many times. Perhaps it would be easier if you had a non-family support system in place before you had kids - but I find it hard to believe that anyone other than a blood relative would be willing to care for a 2 year old with the stomach flu. And believe me, that stomach flu will happen the week your husband is at a conference in Phoenix, the dog just learned how to escape the back fence, and one of your co-workers is on vacation.

One more factor to consider, given a limited number of vacation days, is how much of your vacation time you can commit to visiting family. This has always been a conflict for my husband and myself, because he always wants to take a "real" vacation, and I always feel the need to take the kids home to visit. So I end up taking them by myself most of the time. Also consider that high volume travel times (ie when you and the kids are both free from work/school) are also the most nightmarish and expensive times to travel home. And unfortunately I know from experience that the schools frown upon you taking kids out of school outside of the scheduled breaks, when it would be easier/cheaper to travel.

Best of luck, and please tell me if you ever find the magic solution!

Last edited by slfountain; 10-09-2011 at 07:07 PM.. Reason: more info
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Old 10-10-2011, 08:42 AM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
29,735 posts, read 16,475,984 times
Reputation: 22337
Quote:
Originally Posted by slfountain View Post
I have nothing to offer but sympathy. We are about to make our 3rd move with my husband's company, and we debated mightily about whether to take an offer closer to family or hold out for an area that was more geographically appealing to us. We have lived within a 7 hr drive of home for the past 5 years, so the kids have spent time with family, but now will be much closer. We hated the place we lived these past 3 years, loved the place we were in for 2 years before that.

I'm just praying we made the right decision, because the past few years living someplace that none of us like was very hard. But I fear that living in a town we all love but that is 2 or 3 flights from home would also be hard.

The only thing I can tell you with CERTAINTY is that it's much harder for both parents to work when you have to rely on a rotating crew of paid caregivers (sitters, pre-school ,aftercare, etc) instead of grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. I am so jealous of my coworkers that can call Mom to pick up the kids from school, or go eat dinner with their parents when their husband is out of town. We are on our 4th sitter now (in 3 years) and I have come near having a nervous breakdown so many times. Perhaps it would be easier if you had a non-family support system in place before you had kids - but I find it hard to believe that anyone other than a blood relative would be willing to care for a 2 year old with the stomach flu. And believe me, that stomach flu will happen the week your husband is at a conference in Phoenix, the dog just learned how to escape the back fence, and one of your co-workers is on vacation.

One more factor to consider, given a limited number of vacation days, is how much of your vacation time you can commit to visiting family. This has always been a conflict for my husband and myself, because he always wants to take a "real" vacation, and I always feel the need to take the kids home to visit. So I end up taking them by myself most of the time. Also consider that high volume travel times (ie when you and the kids are both free from work/school) are also the most nightmarish and expensive times to travel home. And unfortunately I know from experience that the schools frown upon you taking kids out of school outside of the scheduled breaks, when it would be easier/cheaper to travel.

Best of luck, and please tell me if you ever find the magic solution!
This part is so true; especially if your kids are young. When my Mom was alive ~ she helped me soo much with my son and working full time. He still went to daycare, but if he was sick ~ she came over. If he really didn't want to go to Daycare that day - then he went to Grandma's. If I had an overnite meeting - Grandma again.
So ~ Grandma did make a HUGE difference in our lives. But without her - my extended family was just not that much help. When she died, I knew that I probably would not be in my hometown forever.

I will say - moving here last year - was one of the hardest things I have ever done. No family; fulltime job (in an office, I previously worked at home). No swim team carpool; I had to leave work early EVERY DAY to get my son to swim practice and back. Try explaining that to your boss. So it was HARD.

But . . . we eventually found a carpool and made some friends with the other swim Mom's. And things got a little easier . . . AND my son got his driver's license so he can now transport himself to/from practice. Even better.

At the end of the day, by the time I left my home state - my Mom had died - my Father was in his late 80's (he moved with us) and any help at all that I got (single Mom) came from my friends and NOT my extended family. The swim mom's were fantastic - we helped each other.

You can make friends that are as close to you as family. Well, except for the stomach flu thing! Only Grandma is gonna do that! And not all Grandma's.

Tough decision - best of luck again!
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Old 10-10-2011, 09:07 AM
 
93 posts, read 166,560 times
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slfountain--thank you for your post! I completely agree with the advantages of living close to extended family. That is the main reason we moved here before starting our own family. I feel for you in your situation and know it is trying. I've worked with chilldren for over a decade as a nanny, tutor, and then classroom teacher, and I have seen from the outside the advantages of living near extended family. This besides just missing them. As I think I mentioned, none of my extended family can afford to visit, and some are not in good enough health to, so it has fallen on us alone to visit them.

My husband and I have a unique set of circumstances at this point: we both work remotely now. So we can settle down wherever we want. As a result, we can stay in FL, or we can go back to Dallas. If we stay in FL, we will be close to family, which is wonderful for us, but we don't feel that the Tampa area is as dynamic as Dallas, and the schools are pretty pitiable when you compare them to the Dallas suburbs. Sure, you can find a good school here, but it seems to be much more a challenge to do so. I kind of feel like we had it all back in Plano...a nice house, nationally-recognized schools, and you see the little kids out playing by themselves and you know they are SAFE. It is clean and well-organized and there are so many opportunities, being outside Dallas.

So I am stymied...but I want to thank everyone for posting with your thoughts...it really helps me at this time to be able to log on and read others' thoughts about this.
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Old 10-10-2011, 09:13 AM
 
93 posts, read 166,560 times
Reputation: 39
Thank you, Ringo1. It sounds like you have manage to sort of give your son the best of both worlds, respectively, at the appropriate times in his life. How nice that you made him a part of the big decision to move, too!

I grew up here in FL surrounded by both sets of Grandparents. Would I trade that for having grown up in a fancier city, away from them?...no...Then again, we would not have been able to afford to visit them had we lived far away...just a different set of circumstances. In any case, thanks again for divulging your story. It is good to hear.

I wonder if anyone who has lived or currently lives in the Tampa area can point me toward a nice area? Does anyone know any details about Safety Harbor? Thanks again...

Last edited by TempNest; 10-10-2011 at 09:30 AM..
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Old 10-10-2011, 10:33 AM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,136 posts, read 8,659,414 times
Reputation: 6103
Smile Close to family or ..... ?

It's so hard today, isn't it?

My parents, now gone, never really planned to have all their children and grandchildren within 10-15 minutes of them but it turned out that way.

Someday, I'd like to write a book about this very subject.

One thing that I have seen about this economic downturn is that families seem to be turning to each other again. Instead, they are reaching out to each other.

My parents always wanted everyone together and it seems the family gravitated toward that. Since I had 2 cousins I barely knew and still barely know, I personally wanted my children to really know their cousins and be involved in their lives. They are. The only one that lives far away is our daughter but everyone else lives here. She visits a lot though. (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter) - as our children start their families, this is important to them (I hope).

This is what I see as a parent - when all the cousins (age 20 to 27 - 12 of them) see each other, they just love hanging around each other and feel that connection. I guess my dad was like that and I hope to continue that.

I feel for the OP in this b/c it's so hard to consider other locations. You could always move and they would follow. I know I could not leave family but others don't always feel the same way.
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Old 10-11-2011, 11:37 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 3,990,674 times
Reputation: 1903
My husband & I moved away from family due to job relos a couple years after getting married.
The move at the time as difficult for me, I am close to my family and also extended family ( cousins,etc)' but we had to go to where the jobs were.
I thought it would be short term, but here we are 15 years later ( and many,many moves later) and we are still not home...
We have children now and I think for me, it is difficult not having family around, it especially was when they were babies.
We have only had 1 opportunity in these past 15 years to move back to our hometown, unfortunately, after many , very difficult weeks of weighing the pros & cons, we felt it was best to not go back.
There were more con's ( the biggest being the financial loss we would have taken) to the move.
I was heart broken to not be able to take the opportunity , but we did what we felt was best for our family at the time.

I still wish we were closer, but we are only about 6.5 hours away and it is not a terrible weekend trip for us. We are able to get home for most holidays and I spend a few weeks during the Summer there with our kids. I am grateful for that as I know we won't always be able to do that when the kids are older and I return to work.

You have to do what you feel is best for you and your family. Think everything through, even if means not with your heart always.... If I only thought our decision through with my emotions, we would have done it, my husband made me see the sensible side and I know that what we did was best...
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Old 10-14-2011, 09:12 AM
 
1,003 posts, read 1,324,764 times
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I currently live in Dallas and have also lived in Florida. I know this will offend people, but I couldn't stand Florida and couldn't wait to leave. I picked living in Texas over Florida. Fly and visit your family as often as you like, but live where it gives you happiness and pleasure.
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Old 10-16-2011, 07:21 AM
 
5,820 posts, read 13,274,889 times
Reputation: 9279
You should live where you will be the happiest. Set your priorities, i.e. family or location, and take it from there. FL and TX are like apples and oranges, like HI and AK. You were happy in TX, and nothing in FL is equal to that. Many, many years ago I chose family versus moving 3000 miles away. I was sorry I didn't make that choice.
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