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Old 10-16-2011, 07:23 AM
 
93 posts, read 167,097 times
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You were sorry you didn't make what choice? Which did you choose? Why were you sorry?....
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Old 10-16-2011, 08:34 AM
 
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TempNest - I grew up probably 5 hrs from either set of grandparents and probably saw them on holidays. And that was fine for our family. I'm not any worse off for it.

Look at it this way - if you and your husband weren't able to work remotely, would you have tried to find jobs in Tampa? I think probably not - so while your jobs are flexible that doesn't necessarily mean you should move away from them.

Personally, I would rather live where I wanted to so I could be happy and have a good environment for my kids - giving them a good education and a safe place to grow up instead of silently resenting giving up a place you loved just to be close to family. You need to do what's right for your immediate family.
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Old 10-16-2011, 10:39 AM
 
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well, 30 years in the military, two children raised all over the world; and my Dad has passed away. We always came home on leave so my children knew home and family.

I would give anything to be back with my family and have children grow up knowing family. Family is substantial, constant, and long term. So I am not so taken with the idea of living in a particular area.

I did the best I could, but we all missed out on so much.

So just set your priorities, discuss it with your husband and your family and you will be fine.

BTW, I like DFW over Tampa myself. But again, I am for home first.
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Old 10-16-2011, 11:54 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
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Proximity to family is a much discussed topic in the Retirement Forum, and while it's from the point of view of the older generation, the general theme is so very similar to the OP here. So often, though, it's a question of younger couples who want to move away for a variety of reasons (better jobs, don't care for the area where they are, etc.) but are getting the heavy pressure from their parents to stick around.

One important thing is the quality of family relationships. Do people in your family share a close and caring relationship that is not controlling or toxic? Is there a lot of family "drama" (which is usually not healthy for children to be immersed in)? So the psychological health of the extended family relationships is something to consider. How much did you miss family when you lived in Texas? If you enjoyed your life greatly there, you must not have missed them too terribly.

I would say give it a few more weeks or a few more months. Time may allow your conflicting thoughts and emotions to gel into coming down to feeling that one choice or the other is the "right" choice for you. But you must take into account your husband's feelings also in order that it not turn into a tug-of-war which can create a lot of bitterness in the long run.
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Old 10-16-2011, 12:55 PM
 
Location: In the Pearl of the Purchase, Ky
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Don't know how old your parents are but my wife and I kind of had that discussion. My parents are in their upper 80s and still living in their own house. Daddy still drives anywhere they need to go around town. When my wife and I moved together (that's another long story. lol) we were trying to decide to live where I lived, where she lived, or near my parents where we could help them when they needed it (or would admit they needed it!). We decided against moving where they live, mainly because of their age. At 88 and 89, they won't be with us a whole lot longer. Not meaning that to sound morbid, but just facing facts. Then we'll be further away from the rest of our families. I know we're not in a long distance discussion like you are, but you need to look to the future. Right now we live 50 miles from my parents and can be there in an hour if we needed to. You need to put you and your family first. Your parents know you love them but you have your own family to take care of. If you were happier in Texas than Florida (How 'bout them Rangers?), then I'd go back! Good luck with whatever you decide.
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Old 10-18-2011, 05:02 PM
 
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We relocated back to our hometown 20 years ago so that our kids could be raised near family. However, now that our oldest is 19 he has expressed disappointment that we don't live in an area where he could actually come back to after college, get a job in his chosen field and raise his own family. And my husband & I are counting down the days until our youngest is in college and old enough for us to pull up stakes and get out of dodge, lol! So even though it has been 20 years since we moved back, the result is the same: we are all planning our eventual escape. If I had it to do over I would have chosen to live in an area that would have been a better fit for our family, and spent vacations taking the kids to visit family back in the old hometown.
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Old 11-04-2011, 12:43 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, NC, formerly DC and Phila
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Don't underestimate the helpfulness of having family around when you have children. I lived 3 hours away from my parents and siblings when my 3 children were born. It was very hard. I didn't have any support - physical support or emotional support. The first few months or even years of having a new child can be very draining. While I could call my mom or sister and ask advice or cry when I wasn't getting any sleep, my mom couldn't stop by and watch the baby while I took a nap or give me a much needed break or pep talk when things were hard (talking on the phone is not the same as a hug).

The early years of my kids were really hard on me. What made it harder was that I worked up until the time I had children so I didn't have any "mom" friends who I could rely on either. It took awhile to build up those relationships.

I don't think everyone needs the support I did (my 1st child was a terrible sleeper and was sick early on), but becoming a mother without help can be hard. That help could come in the form of friends, church members, or family. But is often a big need that should not be taken lightly.

Are there other places in Florida where you can live and still be relatively close to family that you might like better and that has better schools? Best of luck to you!
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Old 11-13-2011, 08:00 AM
 
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Talking Decision!

Thank you so much, everyone, for your thoughtful and very helpful replies! I have never posted on a site like this before, and I've been pleasantly overwhelmed with the generous level of help I have received.

I want to say that after a LOT of talking, thinking, journaling, back-and-forthing, and exploring, we have made a decision. We have decided to move back to DFW...after some time. Family will always be of utmost importance, but this does not always necessarily mean living right near them. Many other factors obviously come into play, and we knew that regardless of what we decided, there would be big pros and big cons.

My husband feels that there is much more in the way of career growth opportunities and network opportunities in Dallas (at least in his line of work). We hadn't realized how strong our roots had grown while living in Texas. We feel better about the schools, the overall culture, the resources, and the opportunities....and hey, we kind of miss the idea of the light snowfall around Christmas (and my husband doesn't care for the humidity here)..though this wasn't actually a decision-making factor.

I guess I have realized that this doesn't mean that I am somehow rejecting the notion of family...not at all. We will enjoy visits for sure...use Skype...visits...phone calls...mail...and stay in touch. I guess you can't make a big decision based on only one factor, even if that factor is major. Sometimes many other factors add up to make a difference. We definitely considered the challenge of raising kids away from extended family. In the end, it boiled down to many things, and we realized that we cannot "have it all", and needed to decide what best fit our nuclear family.

Thank you so much again. I feel like I made it through a VERY difficult period, and this post and its replies helped me get through it!!! You all rock.
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Old 11-13-2011, 12:16 PM
 
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Good luck!
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Old 11-13-2011, 12:22 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC... for now
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My wife and I are about to move from NC to Arizona, away from family to where we have no family at all. Unlike you, we do not have any kids and we are over 40, but I can identify with the way you feel torn.

The truth is that your lifestyle and personalities may not be compatible with those of your family in FL. It is not easy assimilating to East coast life. The pace of life, attitudes, and overall mentality is so different from the mid-west and west. And Florida contains so many Northerners that it can feel like an annex of the Northeast in it's cultural feel and pace of life.

We thought about moving to Florida ourselves, but realized we would be compromising with ourselves and against what we really want, which is the more laid back lifestyle and wide-open feel of the West.

If you do decide to stay in Florida, you might want to look inland quite a bit. Tampa/St. Pete sprawls so far inland that it takes a while it's metro influence. You might want to have a look at Lakeland or Winter-Haven. We were considering both of those places at one time.

As far as family goes, that is a tough call. It's difficult when they don't feel the way you do about an area and you will probably not understand why you do not feel like them. I have lived in NC all these years because my family moved here when I was still in H.S. But while the rest of my family loves it here, I have never liked it or gotten used to it and am looking forward to leaving.

All the best.
Marc
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