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Old 11-15-2011, 05:23 PM
 
701 posts, read 1,523,692 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TempNest View Post

I want to say that after a LOT of talking, thinking, journaling, back-and-forthing, and exploring, we have made a decision. We have decided to move back to DFW...after some time.

I guess I have realized that this doesn't mean that I am somehow rejecting the notion of family...not at all. We will enjoy visits for sure...use Skype...visits...phone calls...mail...and stay in touch.
Congratulations on coming to a decision that feels right.

We decided, for a variety of reason, not to live near our families while raising our kids. My only regret is that we spent every vacation visiting family. We would add a zoo or a museum in here and there, but basically, twice a year we hauled out the old credit card and either flew or drove back to the West Coast in an attempt to nurture relationships with grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles.

Looking back, my only regret is that we didn't spend more of our vacation time and money on other endeavors. After the photos were taken, our parents had little interest in our kids. My husband and I would spend the remainder of our vacation time on their home maintenance projects while the kids read or watched tv.

One uncle enjoyed spending time with our kids and our son ended up sailing in Mexico with him several times and they still keep in touch. The others were busy with their own lives and could have cared less whether we visited or not. Same with the cousins.

Guess it depends on your family. Just wish we had gone on more adventures with just our kids.

Good luck with your move and hope you find the life you are looking for.
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Old 11-16-2011, 04:01 AM
 
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The visits did help us build a bond with two of our nieces. Our best time is when our two families met in the middle for a joint ski vacation. Wish we had done that more often.
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Old 11-16-2011, 02:23 PM
 
Location: NH/MA
113 posts, read 397,354 times
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i think you've made an excellent decision. there's not much you can do about living in a place you despise, whereas there are plenty of ways to make up for living far from family. in addition to technology you can use every day to connect, florida and texas are not far from each other and you'll have plenty of opportunity to visit them and vice versa. i lived across the country from my family for a year, and the hassle of buying tickets, two plane rides, and all that time and money spent was stressful - but if they had been only a few states away, it would have made an incredible difference. you might even find that you prefer the distance, since you'll get the best out of your family when you don't see them as often (in my case, everyone was on their best behavior and wanted to spoil me. ) also, if for some reason you ever want to move away from texas again, well, florida is not going anywhere. i'm happy you've made a decision you feel good about, and as a total stranger looking at this objectively, i think it's the right choice. best of luck to you and your family!
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Old 11-19-2011, 12:43 AM
 
5,703 posts, read 16,088,074 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ringo1 View Post
I'm not familiar with either area.

But I am familiar with moving back home 'to be close to family'. It's a mixed bag if it is not where you want to be. I felt like I gave up a LOT to be closer to my family and perhaps that made my expectations of them a little too high.

They enticed me back by telling me how my son needed to grow up with extended family ~ then promptly forgot us when we moved back. (Except for Grandma and Grandad - they were wonderful).
The bolded part is so true! I moved away from family and have no desire to move back (although I wouldn't mind moving from here to someplace else). Family tell us all the time to move back. When I visit, my mom, sister and I will do things together and its really nice. I start to get homesick and think about what it would be like if it was all the time. Then I snap myself back into reality. My mother and sister actually don't get along all that well and three us never did things together when I lived there. In some odd way I think moving away from my hometown made me closer to my family. I spent my whole life up until 3 yrs ago within a mile or two of my family. I think I see them more now since I moved away. I would prefer quality vs quantity. I got spoiled too. The cost of living is cheaper where I live and I have a decent sized home. For me to move back means giving up 2000 sft of living space back to 800 sft with higher taxes than what I pay now. A friend of mine moved away from family and decided to move back after the birth of her child. She said pretty much everyone forgot about her after the first month. She started to regret the move as loved California. I say move where you are happiest.
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Old 11-19-2011, 08:52 AM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC... for now
68 posts, read 194,375 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fallingwater View Post
The bolded part is so true! I moved away from family and have no desire to move back (although I wouldn't mind moving from here to someplace else). Family tell us all the time to move back. When I visit, my mom, sister and I will do things together and its really nice. I start to get homesick and think about what it would be like if it was all the time. Then I snap myself back into reality. My mother and sister actually don't get along all that well and three us never did things together when I lived there. In some odd way I think moving away from my hometown made me closer to my family. I spent my whole life up until 3 yrs ago within a mile or two of my family. I think I see them more now since I moved away. I would prefer quality vs quantity. I got spoiled too. The cost of living is cheaper where I live and I have a decent sized home. For me to move back means giving up 2000 sft of living space back to 800 sft with higher taxes than what I pay now. A friend of mine moved away from family and decided to move back after the birth of her child. She said pretty much everyone forgot about her after the first month. She started to regret the move as loved California. I say move where you are happiest.
Your story is consistent to what I have observed. My brother gave up a high paying job in CA to move back to NC because his wife wanted to move back to be near family. They have been tremendously disappointed with the results, finding that the "newness" wore off quickly. He lost his great job, his new one didn't last long, and now they are looking at moving back to the west again.
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Old 11-19-2011, 09:06 AM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,847 posts, read 30,209,048 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TempNest View Post
Hi,
I don't usually post on forums like this, but I need as much advice as possible during this time. Thank you in advance for your time and advice!

My husband and I recently moved from Plano, TX, a city just north of Dallas, to the Tampa-St. Pete area. We are in our early thirties and we both work remotely, and we moved to this area because we wanted to live close to family while we begin our own family. (Neither of us have family in Dallas, but my husband's company is located there and he works remotely.)

We sold our house and packed up and moved recently to Tampa-St. Pete. I thought I would be able to adjust fairly quickly, but the more I see of this area, the more bummed I feel about finding an area anything like Plano. What we loved about Plano is that it has 250,000 or so people, top-notch schools, only 30 minutes from a major city, nice parks and fantastic libraries, is very clean and pretty city, diverse, very safe, and part of a thriving metropolis. It has consistently been rated a best place to live and raise kids, and I think for good reason.

I am thrilled to be near family, and I value them more than anything else, but I can't shake the feeling that I might have given up many, many things for this alone, when I could just make a better priority of visiting them. I don't mean to pit externals against family, but I need help sorting these issues out. Am I misguided in even considering moving back, away from family, when we are about to start having kids, or do you think many other factors could outweigh the living-near-family factor?

Has anyone else made this difficult choice--either to live in a place less desirable (to them) to be close to family, or else to move (back?) to a place they loved and settle for visits to see family? Has anyone else here ever moved from DFW to Tampa/St. Pete, and if so, what do you think and/or advise? Is there anything like Plano or the Dallas suburbs here (large population, close to city, great schools, nice housing)?

Please chime in with your thoughts--any help is so appreciated!!!

--Unsure and Needing to Re-Nest NOW
I don't think you have given your current location enough time. As time goes by, you will find things about the Tampa area that you will love and eventually, you will wonder why you ever thought Plano was so great. It is a huge life-changing event to move and it takes TIME, TIME, TIME to become fully adjusted to the new area.

Personally, being near family would be very much more important. I guarantee that you will find everything in Tampa that you had in Plano if you will bother to look. Plus you will have the added benefit of being close to family.

20yrsinBranson
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Old 11-19-2011, 09:45 AM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC... for now
68 posts, read 194,375 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
I don't think you have given your current location enough time. As time goes by, you will find things about the Tampa area that you will love and eventually, you will wonder why you ever thought Plano was so great. It is a huge life-changing event to move and it takes TIME, TIME, TIME to become fully adjusted to the new area.

Personally, being near family would be very much more important. I guarantee that you will find everything in Tampa that you had in Plano if you will bother to look. Plus you will have the added benefit of being close to family.

20yrsinBranson
I have to respectfully disagree. I have lived where I am currently living for 22 years and have never liked it. Just because you can get used to an area doesn't mean you should stay. I'm sure I could eventually get used to living in Barrow, Alaska, but...

My biggest regret is not moving away sooner than I am. Some people just aren't cut out for certain areas. i.e. If you love the Beach, then Kansas probably isn't for you. And if you love the mountains, you will hate Florida.

I think you are making the right choice.

Marc
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Old 12-24-2011, 10:41 AM
 
93 posts, read 166,095 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
I don't think you have given your current location enough time. As time goes by, you will find things about the Tampa area that you will love and eventually, you will wonder why you ever thought Plano was so great. It is a huge life-changing event to move and it takes TIME, TIME, TIME to become fully adjusted to the new area.

Personally, being near family would be very much more important. I guarantee that you will find everything in Tampa that you had in Plano if you will bother to look. Plus you will have the added benefit of being close to family.

20yrsinBranson

Thanks for your thoughts, but actually, you are not correct in my case. When I moved to Dallas/Plano from NC, I had no problem at all adjusting, for one. So it isn't like it's some kind of universal rule that you need a set amount of time to see if you like a place. The longer I have been here in St. Pete and explored Tampa Bay in general, the less I like it as a place I'd like to settle down, actually. After a wrenching and intense period of trying to adjust to this area as a new home, it feels like a huge relief to finally be able to admit that, hey, this isn't for me, without feeling guilty and obligated to try to feel a certain way. Secondly, it isn't that if I go searching long enough, I cannot find the "same things" here. I can. It's just that the things I am looking for, such as good schools, great areas, etc., seem to be fewer and farther between. In the Dallas suburbs, it is hard to avoid exemplary school districts coupled with very affordable housing and safe neighborhoods. Plano is nationally-recognized (and yes, I know it's far from perfect, and like everywhere else they have faced problems, but it is objectively good when comparing it to national public school standards). But Plano is far from the only Dallas or Fort Worth suburb that is like this. Even the minor things, like the quality of restaurants, food, and service, is less in my experience than it was in DFW. Sorry, but it is, and I wish it weren't. An exception to this is the fantastic Cuban cuisine and Cuban-American cultural roots. Top that off with the addition of much of what I DO NOT like, such as overabundance of strip clubs, struggling neighborhoods, etc, that are much more common here and harder to avoid....it is a very, very, VERY different place to be. I can objectively say that these two places are very different, and if you want me to be more specific, let me know. And btw, I don't intend to bash Tampa/St. Pete. To each his own. I was born and raised here until age 12, so this isn't totally foreign...just not what I was expecting upon return...it's got the beaches and the beautiful ocean view crossing the bridges (though both have an abundance of sunny days). I can understand why it would be the right place for some people (assuming they are lucky enough to have a choice, like I am). Unlike myself, I know that many people value year-round access to beaches and boating, etc. I can settle for doing these things on a vacation. I am not a beach fiend. I prefer access to a huge metropolis like Dallas/Fort Worth, with easy access to Dallas and everything it has to offer. I prefer DFW for all of the reasons I listed here. I'm not here to debate the better city, but I did want to respond to the idea that I need a set amount of time and that somehow I am not giving this area a chance.

Last edited by TempNest; 12-24-2011 at 11:10 AM..
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Old 12-24-2011, 06:58 PM
 
18,856 posts, read 31,535,279 times
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I moved one time to Vegas to be near family. I felt like my sacrifice was not appreciated, and I was living in a gravel pit filled with dust, bars, and casinos. I left. Found a much better job. After all, my family was not supporting me. Plus, my family is rather toxic, I thought they would be nicer or something, wrong.
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Old 12-24-2011, 08:55 PM
 
5,703 posts, read 16,088,074 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
I moved one time to Vegas to be near family. I felt like my sacrifice was not appreciated, and I was living in a gravel pit filled with dust, bars, and casinos. I left. Found a much better job. After all, my family was not supporting me. Plus, my family is rather toxic, I thought they would be nicer or something, wrong.
Yep. My husband and I have moments we call the homesickness distortion. Tonight is Christmas eve and we both started to feel a small pang of homesickness. My husband and I had a serious talk about going home for the holidays this year but last week we nixed the plans when my husband became ill. So tonight my husband decides to call his family to wish them a good holiday. He said the background noise was too loud and he could barely hear a conversation however he did end up hearing his BIL. When my husband's sister handed the phone to her husband, the BIL could be heard saying "what does he want?" "I don't want to talk to him". Funny how the BIL called earlier this summer kissing my husband's ass asking about season tickets, which my husband gave him. My husband said he is glad we didnt drive a few hundred miles to get the crap in person.
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