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Old 10-20-2011, 04:56 PM
 
Location: Sunrise, FL
23 posts, read 90,727 times
Reputation: 33

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DH is absolutely dead set on owning land by the acre, in some far off state we both have never lived in, like Kentucky, Tennessee or Wyoming. (Because we could afford to buy in cash next year.)

He tells me his dream is to retire 'on land he owns and can do whatever he wants with'. We talk about being semi-self sufficient and homesteading a lot. I've gotten into container gardening and successfully care for a few indoor and outdoor plants.

Sometime next year, we will be lucky enough to have enough money saved to consider buying a home (or land). I've done the leg work and found out with our chunky down we've saved, we will qualify for up to $200,000, enough to buy a decent sized home on a decent sized lot.

I suggested to him we look around in places we know, like here in West Broward of South Florida, in suburban Boulder / Denver (where he lived for two years & we love the local culture) or in Ohio (where I spent most of my summers growing up).

I understand for a man who has worked since he was 15 to dream of an early retirement on own his terms, I really do. But buying possibly useless land in the middle of nowhere in the hopes 30+ years down the road we'll know what to do with it, seems like a huge gamble to me. I'm more concerned about our rent cost that's going up right now. We could actually save ourselves $500+ a month with a mortgage (even with taxes and insurance).

The greatest factor would definitely be to have no HOas, lax city codes or rural geared zonings that would allow us to homestead like we want. My main concerns NOW are to find a place in a good school district, in a community that values what we do (geared towards green homes & urban farming), with a local culture we approve of. But he is stuck on 'owning acres of land' "Even if that means putting a double wide on it."

I have no problem living in a trailer and off the grid, but this is a man who in South Florida complains when I set the thermostat warmer than 74 in our home. He couldn't survive without ac. I'm a realist, and even though all my ancestors where farmers, I don't expect to be able to farm a few acres without the slightest clue how.

He hasn't budged and anytime I bring up or show him homes I think he would approve of (one was .20 Acre, the biggest I'd seen) he just nods and repeats the "I have a dream..." Am I too nearsighted or is he thinking to far ahead?
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Old 10-20-2011, 05:47 PM
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
28,490 posts, read 62,136,122 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Torrential_Downpours View Post
DH is absolutely dead set on owning land by the acre, in some far off state we both have never lived in...
...he just nods and repeats the "I have a dream..."
This sounds more like a mid-life crisis than any sort of life planning.
I suggest therapy. (Seriously)
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Old 10-20-2011, 05:57 PM
 
13,815 posts, read 14,648,253 times
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can't you try to do both? I doubt your husband is going to change his mind until he "experiences" some of the realities for himself. the places you mentioned is there not acreage there to buy? going somewhere where you don't know anyone is tough on everyone. he is seeking privacy and someplace no one will tell him what to do. sounds like too, in a neighborhood even if it is on a big lot he will always feel hemmed in.

he needs a getaway that he can go to. what about finding some land where you can put a trailer on it and work the property until you can go there full time. much like people have vacation homes in the snow.

you could also buy the house more in the neighborhood areas on as large a lot as you can find. then in 5 years or so, sell it and move to the land.
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Old 10-20-2011, 06:26 PM
 
Location: outer space
484 posts, read 844,508 times
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1. Growing a few houseplants/small garden puts you nowhere near the experience to become mostly self-sufficient. Gardening for food consistently is hard work.
2. Your husband should go camping for an extended stay, like at least a month. That will give some perspective.
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Old 10-20-2011, 06:54 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,847 posts, read 30,353,340 times
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I suggest that, before either of you make any hard, fast, decisions that you spend some TIME in Kentucky, Tennesse and Wyoming. Both during tornado season and in the dead of winter to see if you actually *like* living there before you plunk down a fortune and find out you don't.

Secondly, you have to ask yourself if "winning" is worth having an unhappy husband for the next 10 or 15 or 20 years. Or if being a supportive wife, offering to HELP him realize his dream and working tirelessly toward that goal, might be a more beneficial and productive role.

In the ensuing years, you both can learn how to become fully sustainable. There are endless courses offered all over the country on how to do this. Growing a garden, planting an orchard, learning how to preserve food, raising small livestock is not rocket science. Learning these skills can be very emotionally rewarding and, yes, FUN, if you decide to enjoy the process.

As a person who grew up in the city and who has since moved to acres of land out in the middle of nowhere I can tell you that living far away from the "madding crowd" is probably the best decision I ever made. Until you wake up in the morning, coffee mug in hand and sit out on your deck watching deer grazing in your yard, listening to song birds or perhaps and breathing the clean air, you really have no idea what an incredible joy it is. I completely understand your husband's desire to be close to nature and enjoy what it has to offer.

But that is just my point of view.

20yrsinBranson
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Old 10-20-2011, 06:54 PM
 
Location: Sunrise, FL
23 posts, read 90,727 times
Reputation: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrRational View Post
This sounds more like a mid-life crisis than any sort of life planning.
I suggest therapy. (Seriously)
ROFL You made me laugh so hard, thank you!

@ robabeatle

There are more easily properties in Ohio or Colorado with lot size that he might like, but here in Florida your lucky if it's above .15 acre. Growing here is tough and I've already made up my mind I would need a greenhouse. Privacy is a big problem here too because most places do not allow fences of any kind.

I've asked him again and again about a family trip camping, but he just brushes me off. Wow... It does sound like a mid-life crisis.
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Old 10-20-2011, 07:20 PM
 
Location: Between Seattle and Portland
1,266 posts, read 2,842,796 times
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Was it Mark Twain who said, "Buy land -- it's the only thing they're not making any more of" ???

20yrsinBranson captured why I believe you should whole-heartedly support your husband in this dream. Do your research, visit, peruse the individual state forums here on C-D, and where you should relocate should start to take form. Then determine if you have enough savings to see you through the time it takes to become employed or find other income.

On acreage, you can have a garden, small livestock, a small pond, some timber (firewood), and maybe already established fruit and nut trees and berry and grape vines that produce. You can learn together how to be more self-sufficient in this horrible economy and have the priceless peace of mind that goes with not being wholly dependent on "the system." You can get to know your neighbors and become part of the community through trading and bartering goods and services.

And you'll have a contented husband to enjoy your life with, instead of a frustrated man who might be plagued with bitter regrets.

I speak from experience in offering my support to your husband's dream because my father wanted to homestead on acreage in Alaska. He almost gave up the dream to stay in the city -- until Mom offered a compromise she could live with: relocation to Oregon on a hobby farm where she could still go shopping and get her hair done weekly. Dad got to live out his homesteading fantasy -- and we kids got to learn how to be self-sufficient and have a wonderful childhood in the country.
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Old 10-20-2011, 07:24 PM
 
Location: On the sunny side of a mountain
3,185 posts, read 7,061,671 times
Reputation: 6571
Water rights are big issues in Colorado and Wyoming, you may be able to buy acreage, but not irrigate it. Rural school systems can be hit or miss in Colorado, I understand that Wyoming is better funded, but if you have children that are not home schooled it is something to consider.

I understand your husband's desire for space and privacy, but he needs to take into account the welfare of everyone involved since he has a family to look out for. He also needs to try some family camping trips. He needs to learn compromise and prove to you why his way is a better way of life for your family and not just a ends to a mean for a teenage dream.

Sorry for all the "he needs" but marriage is compromise, he shouldn't be blowing you off.
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Old 10-20-2011, 08:21 PM
 
Location: Sunrise, FL
23 posts, read 90,727 times
Reputation: 33
@Dogmama50
That's exactly how I feel.

He is putting undue pressure on me to learn these skills we would need out there, while I feel he would still sit back and 'bring home the bacon' for me to I fry it for him. He entrusts me with the family finances so it's my duty to make what he wants a reality. To him it's retirement, to me I see a lifestyle I would be solely responsible for without real help from him.

If we could just pick up and visit these States, we would. DH works 50 hours a week, can only take 2 days off in a row otherwise there's no one to cover his shifts. Our son is in school full time and so am I. Our son is gregarious and I don't see him doing well in a homeschool setting.

That's why I suggested Ohio or Colorado, places we KNOW and have been. My grandparents had barely 1.5 acres in Ohio and grew plenty to where she was canning, cooking, baking and giving half away every season. Homesteading is a dream of mine, but within reason, because our son trumps every decision. I support DH no matter what, through his many hobbies despite being somewhat of a drain on our expenses: his mechanic's dream of a garage, Yamaha R1, and the 1965 Ford Falcon Ranchero. But I think he is just hating the 50 mile commute to and from work five days a week.

Last year we moved to the last western street of civilization in Broward County. Just Google Salerno Cir Weston, FL and you'll see what I'm taking about. It's been amazing to experience the wildlife and open spaces every afternoon, watch my son catch lizards, without the whiz of a jumbo jet above our heads. Where I grew up there was more concrete than grass, so to me it's enough. I could be just as happy in a similar setting elsewhere with a place we owned, a solar panel on the roof, a fenced in yard and space for a small garden.
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Old 10-20-2011, 09:35 PM
 
Location: On the sunny side of a mountain
3,185 posts, read 7,061,671 times
Reputation: 6571
It's difficult to have all the toys, put a child through school, have a mortgage and an early retirement.

We prioritize what we want and what we need with an eye on the big picture. It's not always fun but it allows us more freedom when we really need it.

We have moved all over this country and a couple others to further my husband's career. I have always respected his choices for growth, and he has always respected my choices that there are some places I refuse to live. We have always made joint decisions, we're partners and know that the longevity of our marriage is based on compromise. I hope you guys find a common ground, you all deserve to be happy.
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