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Old 11-19-2011, 11:51 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
3,269 posts, read 2,653,591 times
Reputation: 2788
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ticatica View Post
The word is no. No, I won't stay here for you guys. No, I won't do all the visiting/driving. No, you don't come before my husband and children. I understand being afraid of the repercussions but it's better to know where everyone stands and live your life comfortably (just like they do ) rather than live under their thumbs.
Right on! The visiting/driving issue has been huge with some member of my extended family.
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Old 11-20-2011, 01:13 AM
 
Location: Due North of Potemkin City Limits
1,237 posts, read 742,684 times
Reputation: 1096
Quote:
Originally Posted by lemondrop123 View Post
When I told my parents that we put a offer in on a house in PA, my mom started crying and my dad didn't really speak, they were like "this is so sudden" and you "haven't mentioned this before".
Your parents are being ridiculous. Tell them to suck it up and quit complaining. You're moving one state away. I just moved across the country from my clingy Pennsylvania family. It was the best thing I've ever done. They can visit me anytime they wish.....that's what airplanes are for. Thus far I haven't had any visitors, yet they do like to whine on the phone about how far away I am.
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Old 11-20-2011, 06:54 AM
 
4,070 posts, read 7,093,988 times
Reputation: 4324
Our kids moved away after college, one four hours away, the other in the military. We raised our children to be independent adults. We drove, flew and visited for quite a few years. When we retired we moved within 30 miles of one and see them once a week on the average. We have our life, they have theirs. We enjoy spending time with the grandchildren, taking them places but we still travel quite a bit. Basically what I'm trying to say is you have your life, with your husband and children, and that should be your priority. They need their own life, less dependent upon your life.
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Old 11-26-2011, 01:38 PM
 
7,953 posts, read 6,055,856 times
Reputation: 8220
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thejumpsuitman View Post
I know what you are talking about. My wife and I are going through the same thing with my parents. We live in NC and are moving to Arizona and my parents hate it. They have been in denial and my Mom has been trying to poo poo the plan, but we are undaunted.

I have figured out that parents will always see their children as little kids and sometimes it takes moving away to make them see you as the adult you are.

Don't get nasty with them like "Stillkit" says, who said to tell your parents "screw off"... What incredibly stupid and horrible advice. Honor your parents by respecting the way they feel, but don't let the way they are acting change your plans.

Just remember they are hurting over this, but they need to understand you are out from under their wing. That's a big part of the reason we are moving so far away.

Marc
I agree, you can be independent, without being cruel. You will always need your parents, I don't care how faraway you move, part of your heart will still be there. I speak from experience, I moved at 30, and I have had so many times that I regret not having been there. My Mom has been gone for 10 years, my Grandmother about 14. My regrets revolve around not visiting enough, I was poor, and I had moved 2000 miles away.
Make sure that you do visit, do spend time w/ them so that your children know the unconditional love of a Grandparent. If I were you I would take my Mom by the hand, tell her how much you love and respect her, but that you are trying now to make your life w/ your family. She may cry, she may do all the things that you describe, face it....validate her feelings, she has a right to cry at "losing" her Daughter. But, she will come around, if you keep communication open, and share the moving experience, ask advice....let her continue to express caring....and she will eventually come around in her support. There is nothing more precious in this world than a parents love. Another thing to consider is, my guess here....they were retiring so that they could be spending more time as Grandparents now. Just throwing that out there. RegardlessTreasure this time, it may soon be gone. Best to you

Last edited by JanND; 11-26-2011 at 01:56 PM..
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Old 11-27-2011, 12:43 PM
 
Location: Vermont
4,552 posts, read 8,307,976 times
Reputation: 1769
i am sorry you are going through this stress. we are in a similar situation. We want to move to live where we are happier, a more laid back, quiet place with cleaner air, access to outdoors, etc and finally the option for me to change my job which i loathe, sooner than later (due to us being able to live on much less money).

we have already purchased a place and its about 5 hours away. When we start to talk about selling our NJ house with our family, my mother looks like she is about to cry and everyone starts giving us the guilt trip. we have 15 immediate family members within an hour of where we are now, many within a 5 minute drive, and we see them all the time. we have nephews and nieces that would grow up with our son. we love them and all, but they can't change our living and working conditions. We would come to visit often and we might even move back... but we need to at least give it a try. i think you should give it a try too. you can also move back.
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Old 11-27-2011, 09:22 PM
 
5,101 posts, read 1,978,374 times
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I would also leave; moving four hours away is nothing compared to moving cross-country or several states away.
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Old 12-04-2011, 02:18 PM
 
Location: Harbor Springs, Michigan *again*
1,110 posts, read 550,811 times
Reputation: 1660
You need to follow your dreams and be independant in this world. 4 hours is nothing, its a mornings ride and you can point out to your parents that it means they will have somewhere new to visit
Also remember that Skype is your friend, if they don't already have a pc get them one and introduce them to email and skype, its a great way of keeping in touch.

My family are 6,000 miles and 9 timezones away and sometimes the only way we can keep up with each other is email, facebook and skype.

Good luck with your move
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Old 12-10-2011, 06:24 AM
 
Location: Midwest transplant
1,411 posts, read 2,597,359 times
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Four hours is not that big of a trip~long enough to make the break and short enough to go home for a weekend or a few days at a time. My husband and I moved 4 hours away from his folks, and they would visit often and came to love the area. When they became too old to travel, we could still get to them when necessary. This nice thing about 4 hours is that it's too far to "just drop in" but close enough for one person to make the drive either way if they are craving a visit.

On another note~my parents moved 700 miles away from me when they retired! Talk about an opposite situation-they moved back "home" after being away for 33 years. No one from their immediate family had ever moved and my parents had always gone back for visits, weddings, class reunions, and had kept close ties with friends, former classmates and college alumni events. They never planned to stay in the last house they were in, and where my brother and I were raised. Everyone adjusts, everyone finds their new status, we stayed in touch with phone calls, letters and in the end (of their lives) with the internet.

Don't let them hold you back with emotional guilt trips...
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Old 12-11-2011, 09:36 AM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
9,186 posts, read 3,939,517 times
Reputation: 7865
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sealtite View Post
Your parents are being ridiculous. Tell them to suck it up and quit complaining. You're moving one state away. I just moved across the country from my clingy Pennsylvania family. It was the best thing I've ever done. They can visit me anytime they wish.....that's what airplanes are for. Thus far I haven't had any visitors, yet they do like to whine on the phone about how far away I am.
We must be from the same family! Much whining and gnashing of teeth when I announced the move - yet little time to spend with us the summer before we left. And NO time to offer any assistance, shoulder to lean on; or just a friendly ear. Nope, Nothin.

THEN, after we move ~ no phone calls; no visits; dropped like a hot potato.

Return home for a visit and again the crying about how far away we are and how much we are missed. (??)

There ARE ways to stay close if the extended family wants to. Mine just like me catering to their whims . . which include ME running home for every holiday, birthday, whatever. Whilst I drag my son, 90 year old father in tow AND stay at a hotel AND pay $$$$ to board my dogs.

Guess what? We won't be going home for Christmas but will extend a gracious invitation for everyone to visit us.

I won't hold my breath.

Sorry for the Vent! Sometimes family drives me insane!
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Old 01-09-2012, 06:23 PM
 
2 posts, read 5,122 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by lemondrop123 View Post
I am very close to my parents and have been working for them for the last 8 years doing their bookkeeping for their business, they were considering selling their business and even had a potential buyer. The deal fell through and they are not selling anymore. During the time that they were in the process of selling my husband and I had talked about moving further North where it's not so hot and humid during the summer and the cost of living is so much cheaper. I can stay home with the kids and I can figure out what I want to do with my life.

I would mention moving to my parents and they would clam up or change the subject, basically they didn't want to hear anything I was saying. When we found out the deal with the business fell through we started looking a little closer to home so I could keep working for them but still be farther North. We have a couple friends who live in PA (we live in MD) that are about 3-4 hours away so we went and looked at houses in that area and actually found a house that we both fell in love with.

When I told my parents that we put a offer in on a house in PA, my mom started crying and my dad didn't really speak, they were like "this is so sudden" and you "haven't mentioned this before". There has been a lot of tension between my husband and my parents for the past 6 months and now they think he is trying to take me away and I am not going to be happy, even when I tell them this is what I want to do.

Everytime I mention my move to anyone and my dad is around he tells them I am breaking my mother's heart and he doesn't believe the cost of living is any diffrerent other than the cost of a house, he doesn't understand why we can't just stay here. It's something I want to do and they are just not being in any way supportive. They have lived here all of their life and I want to go try something new. I am 32 years old, we have a 17 month old daughter and I am 3 months pregnant, I can't take anymore stress! It is causing problems in my marriage and I am getting frustrated and resentful towards my parents. My husband and I have agreed to stay in the area until the baby is born, which will put us in a financial bind if we are not careful but we want our family around and I don't want to have to switch doctors and hospitals. Any suggestions on how to deal with this kind of situation? Should I just move asap or stick it out until the baby is born? I have been to a counselor but with the holidays coming up I can't get another appt for a month.

We are moving in March, I am going to have the baby in PA, I cant take the stress. My husband and parents arent speaking, my parents are so unhappy about it, they say i am being brainwashed by my husband. They wonder why i would want to move away from everyone, they say they wont come visit because my husband doesnt talk to them. They dont ask about me moving or what all i have planned for my new house, what kind of area is it, nothing. I love my parents but i really just want to tell them to go sit in time out and when you have gotten all this out of your system, call me.
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