What's more important? Friends and Fun, or Money and Stability? (relocate, quality of life) - moving companies, movers, relocation, self-storage, transport, packing... - Page 4 - City-Data Forum

frugalsl2012 · 03-21-2012, 11:38 PM

ooooooooooooooooooooooo I'm not alone it is such a great comfort to read that other people around the world have experienced having a great social life but accepting a great pay cut or no social life and having job stability in a city that depresses you I want to thank all of you for typing your opinions and comments about this subject this is a daily struggle for me thus I have missed my social life in the south verses nonexistent by choice in the north I miss the weather and the friendly people in the south verses the north but i don't miss the lower paychecks my next plan is to attempt to stay focused and rebuild up a nice hefty nest egg pay off my truck and go back to the south and try again but the sad part comes into play as to my length of time i'll have to live up north before I can move back to the south and then this time around hopefully the economy will be better so that I won't have to accept a pay cut fear in the unknown my response to that is you will never know if you can succeed until you try so be scared but do it anyway research research research hope for the best and prepare for the worst

paulamom · 04-13-2012, 01:16 PM

Hello again.

I am the OP. Just wanted to finish the story.

We decided to stay in NJ. It was a struggle to make that choice, and it probably would have gone the other way had my DH not made a discovery right before we needed to make that choice. The Austin company did make him an offer, and it was at the top of the pay scale. Then my husband decided that maybe he would google some of the people's names, just for the heck of it. Well, amazingly, that turned up a site that basically said the company hires and fires without very good cause, and that people are very unhappy in such a hostile work environment.

We were pretty much ready to go for it, but with that discovery we decided that the risk was just too great. We could not afford to take the chance that the place would be stomach-churning stress, and possibly a terrible fit with bosses that may or may not like you enough to keep you around for very long.

Thank you all for your input. I still want to move, but not if we could end up homeless!

oc2nyc · 04-13-2012, 09:06 PM

Thank you for the follow up. I always wonder what happens to the OP after posting their initial dilemma.

Let me just say, we live in a town that has a strong knit community. My husband grew up here and knows everyone and after living in the same neighborhood for 15 years we have established many friendships. That said, we had a huge financial set back two years ago and our quality of life changed drastically. Ironically, the people we thought of as "close friends" were not nearly as helpful as people we considered just "friends". Does that make sense?

It's not easy when you have friends to do things with but you can't afford to do anything with them. It's heart wrenching when your friends can provide extras for their kids and you are struggling to provide for basic needs. Simply put, knowing what I know now, and after being in a situation with no financial security, I would choose a stable job and being able to vacation with my husband and kids over hanging out with friends.

I know it is difficult when people around you have family they are close to but that doesn't mean you can't extend an invitation to cook them dinner. And if you are really missing your friends from Austin take some of your discretionary income and fly them out for a visit.

In this economy I think you made the right choice. Obviously your husband finding out that information was meant to be. At least for now...

gabby r · 06-15-2012, 11:26 AM

What a good question? You know what; you can have both. Make friends and have fun and be financially stable. Making friends is not a complex task. Sometimes, you just have to reach out to people in your neighborhood or in your community in order to make one. And since you have a stable job in NJ, why do you have to move? If you’re going to do that, you’ll start all over again. And who knows what will happen next, maybe you’ll find yourself scrambling for cash because of the bills, repair of cars and rent of your house. In here, you don’t need to get any payday loans to help you pay these overwhelming expenses. I hope it helps you decide.Think twice! Act wise! Goodluck!

allenk893 · 06-15-2012, 12:23 PM

What's wrong with having it all? I personally couldn't do the whole money-and-stability-while-I'm-suffering-in-this-hell-hole thing. I've been through so many hell holes in my past that I just cannot stand it. If I had to, I would save up the money to move elsewhere. I'm not about to stay any place I don't like. Contrary to popular belief, you CAN have it all.

jasper12 · 06-15-2012, 02:17 PM

Every person is individual, and every situation is different. I have moved, with nothing...for a job...and it worked out great. But, everything I own, fits in my car, and my cat has a carrier...no kids, no spouse, no house, no stuff...

Maybe you can move when another opportunity comes up...there are always jobs out there...

ja1myn · 06-15-2012, 06:42 PM

Money.

silibran · 06-15-2012, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by paulamom

I could also say, is your psychological well-being worth that much of a pay cut?

The dilemma: after spending 7 years in South Jersey I feel that we have given it a fair chance. Neither my husband or I have developed any truly close friends. We still feel like odd-balls here. BUT, we make good money and he has great job security.

A job in Austin, TX has presented itself. It would mean taking a risk, a large paycut, and maybe it is not so secure (who knows what might happen in the future with any job really).

We fit in in Austin. We used to live in Austin. We know that we could re-establish a network of friends (something we are lacking here). We know that our daughters might actually have playmates (people are generally friendlier and more open to letting you into their lives).

But to leave knowing that we will have to pinch every penny makes us feel stressed out. We could plan a trip to Disney this year if we stay in NJ. We might never get to Disney if we move, but I could take the girls to any of a zillion parks and festivals for free.

How do you overcome the fear of the unknown? How do you decide which things are more important? Social support? Sunshine? The ability to walk into a grocery store and not panic about how much things are going to cost? or worry about how you will pay for new tires?

Does anyone have a great way to evaluate these things?

I am thinking, "Do you know what it costs to move cross country?" I read posts from people who decide to get rid of everything and "start fresh." Do you know how much doing that costs? I am going through a move right this very minute, and it has been extremely stressful. Just getting the sale of the house done has been hard, but deciding what to do with my possessions has been hard too.

If you've lived long enough to get a few nice things, you have to plan how to transport them. Selling your house might be harder than you think. And moving is expensive. So, unless you can get the firm in Austin to pay your relocation costs, then please factor in your moving expenses when you think about moving.

In other words, moving to Austin has to be really worth it to put yourselves through selling and moving cross country.

Saritaschihuahua · 06-15-2012, 10:13 PM

Have you moved around a lot?

Quote:

Originally Posted by allenk893

What's wrong with having it all? I personally couldn't do the whole money-and-stability-while-I'm-suffering-in-this-hell-hole thing. I've been through so many hell holes in my past that I just cannot stand it. If I had to, I would save up the money to move elsewhere. I'm not about to stay any place I don't like. Contrary to popular belief, you CAN have it all.

LIGuy1202 · 06-16-2012, 07:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by paulamom

I could also say, is your psychological well-being worth that much of a pay cut?

The dilemma: after spending 7 years in South Jersey I feel that we have given it a fair chance. Neither my husband or I have developed any truly close friends. We still feel like odd-balls here. BUT, we make good money and he has great job security.

A job in Austin, TX has presented itself. It would mean taking a risk, a large paycut, and maybe it is not so secure (who knows what might happen in the future with any job really).

We fit in in Austin. We used to live in Austin. We know that we could re-establish a network of friends (something we are lacking here). We know that our daughters might actually have playmates (people are generally friendlier and more open to letting you into their lives).

But to leave knowing that we will have to pinch every penny makes us feel stressed out. We could plan a trip to Disney this year if we stay in NJ. We might never get to Disney if we move, but I could take the girls to any of a zillion parks and festivals for free.

How do you overcome the fear of the unknown? How do you decide which things are more important? Social support? Sunshine? The ability to walk into a grocery store and not panic about how much things are going to cost? or worry about how you will pay for new tires?

Does anyone have a great way to evaluate these things?

It's not likely that there aren't people in southern New Jersey that would be willing and able to become good friends with you and your family. There are, however, many small (minded) communities in which new arrivals are looked down upon because they weren't born and raised there.

I'm the only person I know who didn't attend Long Island public schools but I'm finally finding (after 8 yrs.) people who's attitude and values are so NYC-ish. Maybe, like me, you just need that one extra year to change where you go, what you do, and how you do it so you'll start meeting a different kind of people.