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Old 06-16-2012, 09:41 AM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,411 posts, read 16,429,234 times
Reputation: 8772

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Quote:
Originally Posted by paulamom View Post
Thank you everyone for responding!

We still haven't made a decision as we are waiting for the formal offer. They are currently running a background check on my husband.

Several people mentioned family. No, we do not have any family nearby. Both sets of parents live quite far from us. To make matters more confusing, his parents think we should stay. My parents think we should go. My parents have never been impressed with NJ.

We live in South Jersey near the shore. I know lots of people think being close to the shore would be wonderful, but we are not beach people. I grew up in the desert southwest and to me baking in the sun is a surefire way to get skin cancer. The only time I like to go to the beach is in the winter when no one is there and we are bundled head to toe. (It's also a great time to find shells!)

Since I originally posed this question, I have been thinking (a lot!) about staying. I know that a lot of people equate stability with a sense of well-being and I agree to an extent. I just can't get past the feeling of being an alien species here. I'm pale, quiet, and I do not own one pair of skinny jeans. I am not a Jersey girl. I've tried meeting people on cafemom. I've tried joining groups, talking to moms at birthday parties and soccer games. Every time I drive down the streets here I feel depressed by the amount of litter and broken down buildings surrounding me. I feel like people here are more driven by money then a desire to connect with their planet. I just feel out of place.

I know there must be other people like us here, but to find them? I just don't feel like I have the energy to even search anymore.

If they do not offer my husband a minimum we know we could survive on, I know we will stay. But I will still feel sad about it.
Is there a local environmental group? Greenpeace, Sierra Club, maybe? How about a library's book club? Have you googled Conversation Cafe or Socrates Cafe for a group in your area? Maybe some community college is nearby. They often offer adult education classes and community activities. I used to live in Jersey. I found that the best way for me to meet people is to get involved, act in a sane manner, and over a LONG amount of time people will start approaching me. I have found that more effective than initiating a relationship myself, for some reason.
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Old 06-16-2012, 12:39 PM
Status: "Stranger than Fiction" (set 16 days ago)
 
8,555 posts, read 10,771,403 times
Reputation: 12545
Quote:
Originally Posted by allenk893 View Post
What's wrong with having it all? I personally couldn't do the whole money-and-stability-while-I'm-suffering-in-this-hell-hole thing. I've been through so many hell holes in my past that I just cannot stand it. If I had to, I would save up the money to move elsewhere. I'm not about to stay any place I don't like. Contrary to popular belief, you CAN have it all.
Not sure you can have it all, but the price of misery is very, very high. Maybe it takes people years to get out of where they're unhappy (or a job, marriage, or any other thing), but I give people credit for trying. Being complacent about things surely doesn't change anything.
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Old 06-16-2012, 12:43 PM
 
18 posts, read 18,170 times
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I think money and stability would be the key for me mostly because it would be less stress. Honestly, wherever I go with my son I could find a friend and fun. There is always something to do.
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Old 06-16-2012, 03:54 PM
 
6,415 posts, read 9,917,883 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saritaschihuahua View Post
Have you moved around a lot?
My whole life! Not of my own choice though. My mother has some issues so she moved us around the country. The one and only lesson I took from it was to never stay in a place that your not happy in. It's not worth it and it usually doesn't get better. If you have to do anything, save up while your working in your hell-hole location to move away.
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Old 06-16-2012, 03:57 PM
 
6,415 posts, read 9,917,883 times
Reputation: 7919
Quote:
Originally Posted by Upstate Nancy View Post
Not sure you can have it all, but the price of misery is very, very high. Maybe it takes people years to get out of where they're unhappy (or a job, marriage, or any other thing), but I give people credit for trying. Being complacent about things surely doesn't change anything.
If most people applied the law of attraction, they would never have to stay in their hell-holes or work months and years off to move away. Thank God he has lead me to figure out this key point in life to change and direct it to where and what I want it to be. I seriously advise anyone to use the law of attraction to move away to your desired location and get your desired job.
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Old 06-19-2012, 01:50 PM
 
7,315 posts, read 5,517,796 times
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We moved around a lot too. Lots of reasons. One, to be near my family. Another, to move for a better job for my dad. Another, to be near a community.

The main problem I encountered with constantly moving around, is that it's harder to develop a base of friends, acquaintances, etc. It's always starting from scratch.


Quote:
Originally Posted by allenk893 View Post
My whole life! Not of my own choice though. My mother has some issues so she moved us around the country. The one and only lesson I took from it was to never stay in a place that your not happy in. It's not worth it and it usually doesn't get better. If you have to do anything, save up while your working in your hell-hole location to move away.
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Old 06-20-2012, 09:00 AM
 
Location: Where the sun always shines..
1,939 posts, read 5,590,118 times
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In this economy, money and stability for sure. I Have found that in life you can only control so much. No matter how you want your social life to go, it is dependent on others. Friends usually come and eventually go, get busy with life and such.. Let's face it, nothing is a sure thing these days, not friends, not even income in some cases. However, your quality of life is pretty much dependent on your finances and stability.

This is just my point of view. Everyone is different and it depends what's important. I'm not antisocial, but have learned that my family and their well being is what's important. What better way to be happy than to have a stable life with decent income, with a happy family???
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Old 06-20-2012, 01:04 PM
 
Location: Smithfield, NC
448 posts, read 741,581 times
Reputation: 177
I am torn at the moment. I have been married since October and he relocated to NC for various reasons back in June of 2011. I could not come with him for custody reasons which have been worked out. It has been very hard being apart. So this week he will be flying here and we will be driving to NC. He has a job and just applied for a second job. I have not found a position yet and it is driving me nuts. I just keep trying to have faith that things will work out. We have some savings. I teach in a field which typically has shortage areas but I just looked on their website to see that there is not one posting for my field in the entire county.

For me, stability and money is more important than friends. As long as I have my husband, my son, and find a church to be active in, I will be fine. I tend to be a homebody and I am perfectly happy just being with my family. I have been teaching since 1992 and have only have had three jobs. Once I find something, I tend to stay. AS I write this, I guess my immediate family is more important than money or stability, otherwise, I would not be moving this week.
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Old 06-20-2012, 01:12 PM
 
7,315 posts, read 5,517,796 times
Reputation: 2837
You seem to have your priorities straight! Good luck in everything, and may you find a job quicker than you imagine!

Quote:
Originally Posted by azteacher721 View Post
I am torn at the moment. I have been married since October and he relocated to NC for various reasons back in June of 2011. I could not come with him for custody reasons which have been worked out. It has been very hard being apart. So this week he will be flying here and we will be driving to NC. He has a job and just applied for a second job. I have not found a position yet and it is driving me nuts. I just keep trying to have faith that things will work out. We have some savings. I teach in a field which typically has shortage areas but I just looked on their website to see that there is not one posting for my field in the entire county.

For me, stability and money is more important than friends. As long as I have my husband, my son, and find a church to be active in, I will be fine. I tend to be a homebody and I am perfectly happy just being with my family. I have been teaching since 1992 and have only have had three jobs. Once I find something, I tend to stay. AS I write this, I guess my immediate family is more important than money or stability, otherwise, I would not be moving this week.
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