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Old 02-28-2012, 11:46 AM
 
23 posts, read 78,265 times
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I could also say, is your psychological well-being worth that much of a pay cut?

The dilemma: after spending 7 years in South Jersey I feel that we have given it a fair chance. Neither my husband or I have developed any truly close friends. We still feel like odd-balls here. BUT, we make good money and he has great job security.

A job in Austin, TX has presented itself. It would mean taking a risk, a large paycut, and maybe it is not so secure (who knows what might happen in the future with any job really).

We fit in in Austin. We used to live in Austin. We know that we could re-establish a network of friends (something we are lacking here). We know that our daughters might actually have playmates (people are generally friendlier and more open to letting you into their lives).

But to leave knowing that we will have to pinch every penny makes us feel stressed out. We could plan a trip to Disney this year if we stay in NJ. We might never get to Disney if we move, but I could take the girls to any of a zillion parks and festivals for free.

How do you overcome the fear of the unknown? How do you decide which things are more important? Social support? Sunshine? The ability to walk into a grocery store and not panic about how much things are going to cost? or worry about how you will pay for new tires?

Does anyone have a great way to evaluate these things?
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Old 02-28-2012, 03:23 PM
 
Location: Ontario, NY
2,712 posts, read 6,229,628 times
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Interesting question. For me personally I would pick money and stability, my life would be very stressed if I had to worry about if I could make the mortgage or have money to buy food. There are things you could do to try to make new friends. Personally me and my wife joined a small local church, I'm not religious, my wife is, it's been invaluable in making new friends for us, getting involved with the community. My wife had made several new friends this way.

Lets look at it the other way. Say you have lots of friends but no job stability, shortage of cash. If you lost you job, in this economy, often it's not as easy to get a new job, let alone create one. While friends and family can provide emotional support there only so much they can do for you financially, only so much money they could lend you, only so many times you could stay with them if you lost your house or apartment. If the economy was better, I would be less concerned about moving, but the way things are, leaving a stable, well paying job for lower paying job that may or may not be stable is not a good move in my opinion especially if you have a family to care for.

I would make sure you explored all of your options first in making new friends where your living now. Maybe there should be find a friend website to help connect people with similar interests. Maybe there is, look for it. I think you'll find if you apply the same amount of determination and energy in making new friends as you would when your unemployed and looking for a job, you'll find it's isn't as a daunting task as you think it is. It's kinda like dating, you'll meet people you don't like, don't like you, your spouse don't like or via verse, but occasionally you meet a couple where you both click, bingo new friends. If you still feel you exhausted everything to make new friends, then move, at least then you will feel you did everything you could to make the best of the friendless, cultural wasteland we call South Jersey.

P.S. I'm from south Jersey, wanna be my friend.

Last edited by TechGromit; 02-28-2012 at 04:35 PM..
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Old 02-28-2012, 06:28 PM
 
Location: Asheville, NC
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That's a tough one. To me both are important. Although, I know if I could afford to make it where I was happy, I'd do with less. Even if it means a smaller house, less going out, etc. From what you say, there are festivals in Austin that are probably free, that you could go to along with other free activities. Changing your lifestyle maybe your answer. If you can secure jobs in Austin and it is enough to live off, I would consider it. What good is it to be miserable all the time if you don't like where you live? Money is important but it's not everything. Friendships are important to living a healthy life as well. Also remember, although you are taking a pay cut, it's a lot less expensive to live in TX than Jersey.


If you're trying to make friends in Jersey or anywhere, try Meetup.com.

Good luck!
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Old 02-29-2012, 07:15 AM
 
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Thankyou Techgromit and Beckycat for your messages. I thought it was interesting that you each made great points that keep the volley in my mind going strong.

We are not religious, so church has not really been something we strongly considered. And I did start my own meetup group, which has been good, but still haven't found that "special person." I swear it's like dating, but it feels so pathetic sometimes. You don't want to come off as needy, but you don't know how much to push for a friendship. It seems like it should happen more naturally.

Techgromit, would you agree that most people in south Jersey have grown up here with large extended families? They just seem like they are set, and that they don't even consider adding more friends, because they don't really need any more? And it's not that they are always mean or rude or anything (although there is some of that too). I've met very nice people here, but they are busy with their own lives and just don't seem to think about including more people in their circles.

Beckycat, I agree that it is not worth being miserable if you can make a change. I think it is pure fear of the unknown that is making it so difficult. So many "what ifs" that might happen.

Last edited by paulamom; 02-29-2012 at 07:54 AM..
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Old 02-29-2012, 08:49 AM
 
Location: Ontario, NY
2,712 posts, read 6,229,628 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by paulamom View Post
We are not religious, so church has not really been something we strongly considered.
Well neither am I, but it's been very helpful for my wife, you might consider joining just to make new friends. Just keep it to yourself if you think there religion is a bunch of BS. Try joining a small Christian Church, I'd stay away from anything Catholic, not as a friendly place to meet people. Were we go they have a band up front and we sing several songs, the minister gives his bible message of the day and a song to close.

Quote:
Originally Posted by paulamom View Post
Techgromit, would you agree that most people in south Jersey have grown up here with large extended families?
Hmm well I lived near Philadelphia until I was 12, before I moved to South Jersey. I also moved 20 miles farther south when I left my parents house. I never had the big extended family thing growing up, but I can see what you mean. There are plenty of transplants to the area, actually I hear the same thing from other people, it's tough to make friends. I see you mentioned kids, usually people meet a lot of adult friends through there kids, surprised the same hasn't happened for you. We have no kids, so I can't give you any advise in that area. We tend to have a tougher time because we don't have children, parents with children are more into there kids than socializing with other adults. May I ask where in South Jersey? Where does you Husband work?

Last edited by TechGromit; 02-29-2012 at 09:01 AM..
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Old 02-29-2012, 10:05 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,130 posts, read 12,869,357 times
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I think this question is very personal and always depends on each individual.

Are you a person who is all about money? Is it important for you to offer your children extra stuff like Disneyland? Are you getting bitter and grouchy staying in NJ?

I think you could find friends in NJ if you really tried. If you don't like the NJ people, maybe there are a few people from TX living near you?

I think, you pretty much answered your question yourself already. You already stress out about new tires and not being able to sleep at night because of money issues.
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Old 02-29-2012, 10:15 AM
 
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interesting question.

I feel im in the same situation. I moved to Philadelphia area a year ago from south florida. I cannot begin to tell u how much I miss Florida.
The problem was though, I wasn't making any money in FL, now that I'm in PA, I'm making more money than ever, however I feel almost unhappy, as I miss my friends, I miss the sunshine, the beach, etc. . . Yet when i was living there I was living pay check to pay check..... which was kind of stressful...

I'm thinking the same thing... which was worse? Being broke? but have a good social network....or being better off financially, yet no social network.. hmmmm


I'm deciding whether I should move back to FL, yet I dont think i'll be able to make as much money. ugh, what do to
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Old 02-29-2012, 12:20 PM
 
Location: Atlanta, GA
443 posts, read 774,313 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
I think this question is very personal and always depends on each individual.

Are you a person who is all about money? Is it important for you to offer your children extra stuff like Disneyland? Are you getting bitter and grouchy staying in NJ?

I think you could find friends in NJ if you really tried. If you don't like the NJ people, maybe there are a few people from TX living near you?

I think, you pretty much answered your question yourself already. You already stress out about new tires and not being able to sleep at night because of money issues.
i think of it the same way - at least now you are able to provide well for your family, and probably save some money for retirement. this is the "lesser evil" and as you say, who knows if the job will be a good fit - it may have horrible hours, or horrible coworkers, or something else...

i think you'd be best served in staying where you are, at least for now.
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Old 02-29-2012, 12:55 PM
 
Location: Lead/Deadwood, SD
948 posts, read 2,359,475 times
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They are somewhat tied together. Not directly, but enough so that a balance is required.

Most people strive for stability, when financially strapped that falls apart, and "fun" doesn't come as easy, especially if your friends are busy doing things that cost money.

On the flip side, money and stability are pointless if one can't relax enough or find the time to have fun.
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Old 02-29-2012, 03:11 PM
 
Location: Asheville, NC
11,850 posts, read 26,835,368 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OptimusPrime69 View Post
interesting question.

I feel im in the same situation. I moved to Philadelphia area a year ago from south florida. I cannot begin to tell u how much I miss Florida.
The problem was though, I wasn't making any money in FL, now that I'm in PA, I'm making more money than ever, however I feel almost unhappy, as I miss my friends, I miss the sunshine, the beach, etc. . . Yet when i was living there I was living pay check to pay check..... which was kind of stressful...

I'm thinking the same thing... which was worse? Being broke? but have a good social network....or being better off financially, yet no social network.. hmmmm


I'm deciding whether I should move back to FL, yet I dont think i'll be able to make as much money. ugh, what do to
I bet if you decide to come back to another area of FL besides SFL, you could make it work. SFL is very expensive but other areas are more reasonable.
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