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Old 03-25-2012, 05:16 PM
 
99 posts, read 163,994 times
Reputation: 74

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I'm 30, grew up in the NOVA burbs, lived in DE for 2 years and came back to DC and have been here ever since.

There are many reasons why I want to move and have wanted to move to various places over the last few years, mainly because I want to try different things, experience something other than the DC area, and the cost of living here is nuts anymore.

But I have a hard time making decisions, especially big life ones. I'm terrified of change, but also of things being the same forever. I will most likely be stuck in the same apt, and same job if I stay here since I have good rent here, and make decent pay at my other job.

If I move I might hate it. Of course I might love it too.

I've been seriously considering moving to another smaller city (~4.5 hours away), in the next few months. I don't have a job lined up yet, but have quite a bit of savings, and am not above doing temp work until I find something.

I guess I am just worried I am going to give up something good and then having nothing you know? Although, it's not really THAT good if I don't even like it? (I currently can't stand my job anymore).

Anyway, just looking for some insight from people who maybe have gone through something similar.

I figure now is the best time to do this, as I am not getting any younger, don't have kids, SO (just me and a dog), etc.

I am pretty much convinced I am going to do it, but there is still such a small part of me that screams in fear. I know I will be making much much less in the new city, although cost of living is soooo much less there too so it evens out.

 
Old 03-25-2012, 11:55 PM
 
13,313 posts, read 25,546,272 times
Reputation: 20477
Well, if you go, you'll find out what it is and what it isn't. (I speak from experience). It's easy to picture the new place/life as much better than the current one in whatever ways you want it to be. Maybe it will be, maybe it won't be. It helps to really look inside yourself and see if you're picturing being a different person, having left certain issues behind, etc.
Thirty is hardly over the hill for making changes. I personally wouldn't assume that I'm heading for a stuck life of one-place/have kids unless that is what I want to have happen in my life. For me, I never wanted that, so didn't feel like "gotta do it now, before..."
What is it you can't stand about your job? Would it be better you had a different job where you are now? Is there a better job outlook in the new place?
I left a great job and moved 2,000 miles away for no job (and then crummy ones). I was in a panic when I realized that, if I didn't go, I was going to hate myself, and that I was going to go but was terrified about it. (I was 25 and this was a long time ago...)
I couldn't make the job thing work *at all*, shouldn't have been a surprise. I realized that, living in the new place, that the day is made up of who you see/talk to and how you earn a living, and I had made a quantum leap into worse. I also realized that, in my very clunky way, I was searching for a sense of "home" and that wasn't inherent in any new place. I do think, had I gone to the new place with a good structure, like going back to school or something, I might have stayed and done better. (Also, I had no dog ;().
I suggest OP not panic about being thirty and gotta do it now etc. Of course it's frightening- you wouldn't be alive if you weren't nervous about such a change. All I can suggest is to consider if it's the job you have that is the main lousy thing, be realistic about your job prospects in any new place, and try to remember that it's not now or never. You're not doomed to be stuck in marriage and kids, it's a choice, and if you don't want to, you won't, you don't have to *at all* Best wishes.
 
Old 03-26-2012, 08:21 AM
 
18,852 posts, read 31,698,893 times
Reputation: 26111
I have lived in DC, any move away from that city is a bonus. You won't believe how much more pleasant life can be...in a small town...no malls, no traffic, no metro...
 
Old 03-26-2012, 08:26 AM
 
Location: ๏̯͡๏﴿ Gwinnett-That's a Civil Matter-County
2,117 posts, read 5,319,859 times
Reputation: 3517
I don't think you should fear change. And sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and give it a try.

But now is definitely not the time to move on a whim if you don't have a job lined up.
There's a few places in the country that have low unemployment now where people are moving from all over to get work, but those aren't exciting destinations for young single people and probably aren't where you're considering moving to.

My advice would be to continue to be a miserable working stiff like the majority of country and save up more money until people start hiring again. Because if you don't, you can find yourself eating through your savings faster than you expected, just as miserable in a new place. Just too risky right now.

To answer your question, yes. I've regretted nearly every move. I'm probably never going to be happy because to me the grass is always greener somewhere else. But at least I can make a living, find things that I enjoy doing and have a reasonably good quality of life.

Cost of living seems to be one of your biggest concerns. As you pointed out, lower cost of living can also mean lower pay. And browse these forums and you'll see where people are constantly saying how the cost of living is higher but it's worth it. If there's anything I've found from researching just about every conceivable part of the country is that one thing such as property taxes may be lower in one place but they make up for it by charging higher sales tax or higher this or that. One place may have lower real estate prices but much higher insurance prices. One place may have high rent because there's not a lot of rental properties but buying real estate is fairly cheap. And another place may be dirt cheap to buy or rent a place but costs hundreds of dollars a month to heat in the winter. Unless you're planning on retiring soon, I wouldn't worry all that much about cost of living.
 
Old 03-26-2012, 07:14 PM
 
Location: North Dakota
7,721 posts, read 9,018,166 times
Reputation: 11083
I regretted my first move out of college. I made a very low wage, lived in a high cost of living area, lived in a town with some of the lowest forms of life anywhere I've seen, and was also around the most backward people I've ever seen. I left after a year. While it ended up being a terrible decision, it made me appreciate where I lived after that. You may get these hard moves, but had I not done the first one, not only would I not appreciate what I have now. I also hate to think about what I would be doing now if I was still living where I am now. Take the chance!
 
Old 03-26-2012, 08:00 PM
 
Location: WY
5,223 posts, read 3,750,729 times
Reputation: 5899
Quote:
Originally Posted by wdcgirl View Post
I'm 30, grew up in the NOVA burbs, lived in DE for 2 years and came back to DC and have been here ever since.

There are many reasons why I want to move and have wanted to move to various places over the last few years, mainly because I want to try different things, experience something other than the DC area, and the cost of living here is nuts anymore.

But I have a hard time making decisions, especially big life ones. I'm terrified of change, but also of things being the same forever. I will most likely be stuck in the same apt, and same job if I stay here since I have good rent here, and make decent pay at my other job.

If I move I might hate it. Of course I might love it too.

I've been seriously considering moving to another smaller city (~4.5 hours away), in the next few months. I don't have a job lined up yet, but have quite a bit of savings, and am not above doing temp work until I find something.

I guess I am just worried I am going to give up something good and then having nothing you know? Although, it's not really THAT good if I don't even like it? (I currently can't stand my job anymore).

Anyway, just looking for some insight from people who maybe have gone through something similar.

I figure now is the best time to do this, as I am not getting any younger, don't have kids, SO (just me and a dog), etc.

I am pretty much convinced I am going to do it, but there is still such a small part of me that screams in fear. I know I will be making much much less in the new city, although cost of living is soooo much less there too so it evens out.
I have moved quite a few times in my life, including having lived in a few different countries.

Sometimes the moves have been for the better and sometimes I deeply regretted moving. I take solace in those negative experiences knowing that I am who I am today because of the different life experiences I have had (including where I chose to live and what I learned from the moves).

A few thoughts about your desire to move:

1. No matter where you go there you are. If you have issues inside yourself now, you will take them with you. You can't run from yourself.

2. No matter where you go you still have to clean your toilet, pay your electricity bill, take your garbage to the end of the driveway. No place is perfect or will solve all of your problems.

3. Look around you at the people you know. Many of them are unhappy where they live, who they are married to, where they work. But are too afraid to make changes in their lives. The devil they know vs the devil they don't know.

4. You have no spouse or children. You are flexible in your job. You're not tied to a house and a mortgage. It will never be easier logistically to move than it is now.

5. 4 or 5 hours down the road is nothing. Go visit the town you have in mind a few times. Spend a few weekends or a few weeks. Stay with a friend if you know someone there. Get a campsite. Spend a night or two in a motel. Just go see it. Talk to people. Look around. Read the paper. Have a meal in a coffee shop and listen to the people around you. See what you think.

6. DC is a soul-less sh%thole. Wherever you go has got to be better than where you are.

Good luck with your decision.
 
Old 03-26-2012, 08:03 PM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
16,411 posts, read 26,220,997 times
Reputation: 16496
Every move I have made has been for a good reason. My saddest move was probably moving out of Miami, I really missed it but the cost of living was just too high and was not really possible on my budget. I can't say I regret moving.. because it was the right decision, but I do really miss it and will probably try to move back someday.
 
Old 03-27-2012, 12:03 AM
 
Location: Portlandia "burbs"
10,234 posts, read 13,979,154 times
Reputation: 25884
Shortly after I got married the first time I moved to Texas kicking and screaming because HE wanted to go back (we were living in California and I was happy there). This was the 70's, so I met the expected culture shock and couldn't relate much to it or the people. I didn't "fit in". After three years, realizing that it was a mistake, he agreed to leave and so we moved to Oregon when I was 7 months pregnant. To do it then was my idea ~ couldn't leave there fast enough. (Oregon was a compromise since he did not want to return to California.) It did not do him a lick o' good to force me into move to Texas.

Austin was pretty, though, and it had a variety of night-life even then.

I will always regret leaving California. The man I'm married to now is a native Oregonian and he loves his state; however, he's prepared to become a Californian when it's time for me to retire.
 
Old 03-27-2012, 12:52 AM
 
Location: Austin, Texas
538 posts, read 1,659,414 times
Reputation: 354
I don't think anyone would regret a move if they were prepared and informed before they made the jump.

I wouldn't make any move though without a job lined up, even if I was young and single. I also don't think it would be wise to make a move without visiting the potential town or city and getting an idea of the neighborhoods you might want to move to.

If you push past your fears you may just love where you end up. And being single you won't have much of a problem moving back if it isn't right for you.

Not ever giving it a try. Now that you will regret!
 
Old 03-27-2012, 07:47 AM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
29,987 posts, read 16,586,324 times
Reputation: 22555
I agree that I would not make any move until I had a job lined up - in this economy.

OP, you are only 30 and have a lot of living yet to do. IF you are not happy in your current town, current job - then start preparing for a change. Visit the other cities/states that you are considering - then start looking at the job situation there. Find something and make your move.

DC will always be there if you want to return.
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