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Old 04-27-2012, 06:24 AM
 
Location: Greenbelt, MD
8,909 posts, read 6,447,724 times
Reputation: 44151

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Quote:
Originally Posted by theatergypsy View Post
I feel sad for you that you feel this way. You seem to be making a judgment based on nothing real.

My parents didn't do "half the job." But a marriage that ended with children involved and a job loss at the same time, (which meant a home loss as well because part of the remuneration for the job was a place to live.) I don't care if your parents took you to classes on how to survive independently. Sometimes, it's a situation over which you have no control that leads to needing interim help. It was for me. I survived living with family for a year and was able to get a job, move out, and continued to improve my life.

I went on to marry again, have more children, attain a good-paying managerial position, own my own home, and live a productive life.

Let's say my children, all of whom are married and employed, should move to a place where natural disasters are common. Along comes a tornado, or a hurricane, or a flood. Their home is unliveable, if it even still exists. Should I tell them, "I raised you to be self-sufficient so I'm not letting you live with me."?

Unseen misfortunes happen every day. It's pretty short-sighted to think that there is no legitimate reason to enable and shelter your kids. Giving them a place to stay is "enabling" them to restart their engines and "sheltering" them is seeing to it that further disasters don't complicate the recovery.

I think if you took a poll you'd find that the ones who would rather be homeless than live with their parents are, for the most part, young and resentful of rules and restraints.
I disagree.

Speaking from experience my father was physically and mentally very abusive to me. Don't make me (or others) feel that I was a bad kid because I wasn't. I can understand why some are in this situation because I lived it.

My father had a massive ego and it was a power trip for him to show his dominance. Parents aren't always right all of the time.

I found out later on that he did indeed have mental issues which was clearly obvious. Some do have a problem with abuse of authority. Also, think lack of people or parental skills and communication issues. Many have no business being parents and it's the children that suffer.
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Old 04-27-2012, 07:29 AM
 
7,496 posts, read 9,692,043 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by theatergypsy View Post
I feel sad for you that you feel this way. You seem to be making a judgment based on nothing real.

Should I tell them, "I raised you to be self-sufficient so I'm not letting you live with me."?

Unseen misfortunes happen every day. It's pretty short-sighted to think that there is no legitimate reason to enable and shelter your kids. .
I think if you'd read the post I was responding to, you'd see why I was arguing the point I was arguing. I'm not against helping kids in tough times, nor am I against kicking to the curb adults who would rather mooch off of family and society.

My problem is with parents who do everything for their kids, don't teach them how to live in the world, and when they come of age and start to be an embarrassment to their parents, their parents start going "Why aren't you on your own? Why can't you get a job? What's wrong with you?" when the real problem was always with them.
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Old 04-27-2012, 10:36 AM
 
Location: Location: Location
6,340 posts, read 7,775,492 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by John13 View Post
I disagree.

Speaking from experience my father was physically and mentally very abusive to me. Don't make me (or others) feel that I was a bad kid because I wasn't. I can understand why some are in this situation because I lived it.

My father had a massive ego and it was a power trip for him to show his dominance. Parents aren't always right all of the time.

I found out later on that he did indeed have mental issues which was clearly obvious. Some do have a problem with abuse of authority. Also, think lack of people or parental skills and communication issues. Many have no business being parents and it's the children that suffer.
Obviously I'm not advocating that people return to an abusive situation. I'm not going back to check but I believe I even stated such in a prior post. Naturally there are circumstances that made it necessary to leave home in the first place, so it is detrimental to return to such a place. Sometimes, homeless is the only choice.

And for myself, I admit that parents aren't right a lot of the time. But most of us do our best. Please, read carefully - most of us.
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Old 04-27-2012, 10:45 AM
 
Location: Location: Location
6,340 posts, read 7,775,492 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Osito View Post
I think if you'd read the post I was responding to, you'd see why I was arguing the point I was arguing. I'm not against helping kids in tough times, nor am I against kicking to the curb adults who would rather mooch off of family and society.

My problem is with parents who do everything for their kids, don't teach them how to live in the world, and when they come of age and start to be an embarrassment to their parents, their parents start going "Why aren't you on your own? Why can't you get a job? What's wrong with you?" when the real problem was always with them.
Os, I did read the post that you referenced. I didn't see anything about indulgent parents who crippled their children by doing everything for them. I believe that poster was addressing the kids who didn't want to live at home because they chafed under the parental restrictions.

Matter of fact, I see no reason why the young shouldn't be living in the family home. I believe the sexual revolution made it de rigueur to move out so as to have the privacy to live that certain life style.
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Old 04-27-2012, 01:48 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,689 posts, read 23,522,018 times
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Anyone contemplating homelessness please read this. Also, maybe they should come to a city where homelessness is rampant and see first hand what it's like to live on the streets.

Death on the Streets: About One Homeless Person a Week Dies in Multnomah County
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Old 04-27-2012, 02:04 PM
 
841 posts, read 1,653,988 times
Reputation: 1163
In our case we were not young (40s) and not resentful. We crept around and tried to do our part to keep the house and yard clean, offered rent, generally hung around in our one room.

I barely watched tv for 10 months so it broke me of a bad habit.

I had a massive amount of stress while living with my parents. They preferred to listen to their friends who were egging them on to be strict and tough with us so we would move out asap. I was dealing with an unemployed spouse and a special needs child.

It was something else every day to **** and moan about--the shower, how we didn't clean up right, how the electric bills was skyrocketing, whatever they could do to make us feel like we were freeloading.

We had to dip into our savings to eat out which we could not afford because they made meal times miserable by either blasting the tv from noon till midnight.

When they had company over we felt like the bastard stepchildren from hell.

All the whispering about my lazy, unemployed spouse was very nice, let me tell you. Again, if you haven't been touched by the recession, don't make comments about how lazy others are!

I could write a saga about those 10 months of hell.

Now I live four hours away and it's better all around. They can do their once a week disinterested how you doing phone call and we can just sit and work out our own problems. At least I can sit and drink a cup of coffee in my apartment and not feel guilty.

Couldn't do that without them complaining about it.

If I could turn back the clock, no I wouldn't have done it. It was a bad idea. I should have stayed put where I was.
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Old 04-27-2012, 05:24 PM
 
Location: Greenbelt, MD
8,909 posts, read 6,447,724 times
Reputation: 44151
Quote:
Originally Posted by theatergypsy View Post
Obviously I'm not advocating that people return to an abusive situation. I'm not going back to check but I believe I even stated such in a prior post. Naturally there are circumstances that made it necessary to leave home in the first place, so it is detrimental to return to such a place. Sometimes, homeless is the only choice.

And for myself, I admit that parents aren't right a lot of the time. But most of us do our best. Please, read carefully - most of us.
I know how to read so I did "read carefully." I do not need my intelligence insulted like that.

I am entitled to my opinion as well and I state that in a situation like the OP's, MOST of the time it is the parents fault for what is a breakdown in communication. It's up to the parents to bond with the child and raise him/her with love. Problems inside the home begins with the parents. They are supposed to be the role models for their own children.

I didn't deny or even bring up that most parents do their best. That is not the subject here.
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Old 04-28-2012, 03:45 PM
 
304 posts, read 527,461 times
Reputation: 462
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deus Ex View Post
Would anyone choose being homeless rather than living in their parents homes?
If you had my parents, you would rather be homeless, indeed. My Dad is passed away, God rest his soul, but I would sure never want to live with him again. Mom is mentally ill and cruel. It's a wonder I came out half-way normal, I guess.

I would advocate exhausting all other options before moving in with parents - but then again, some folks have a good relationship with their folks, so it just depends.
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Old 04-28-2012, 04:11 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn,NY
10,590 posts, read 13,052,178 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1brokegirl View Post
If you had my parents, you would rather be homeless, indeed. My Dad is passed away, God rest his soul, but I would sure never want to live with him again. Mom is mentally ill and cruel. It's a wonder I came out half-way normal, I guess.

I would advocate exhausting all other options before moving in with parents - but then again, some folks have a good relationship with their folks, so it just depends.
You have a strong will and patience that made you resilient. A good thing to have in the world as it, And people, Even family can test our resolve to the max sometimes.

For the other OP that said a parents job is too provide comfort and support to their children growing up, You are correct. Indeed the truth but not always the case.

I do not have kids, And at 36 it looks possible I might have waited a bit long, But if i did, Or ever I do I will make darn sure their lives are good.
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Old 04-28-2012, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Duluth, Minnesota, USA
7,653 posts, read 15,256,992 times
Reputation: 6664
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deus Ex View Post
Would anyone choose being homeless rather than living in their parents homes?
NO!

I see nothing wrong with living with your parents if you are broke - and I would think that your parents would have the responsibility to take you in if you were in danger of homelessness.

Honestly, I can't see anyone thinking this way, unless they came from a really bad home.
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