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Old 06-12-2012, 09:58 AM
 
21 posts, read 53,825 times
Reputation: 16

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I've been wanting to move from Baltimore for the last 6 years. My husband and I had twin daughters 2 1/2 years ago. We bought our home 4 years ago. I'm 27 and my hubby is 39. There's the basics. My issue is that I am horribly unhappy here. As soon as I graduated college 6 years ago, I knew I wanted to get the heck out of here. We decided to move to key west. 3 months later we bought a house in Baltimore where we have lived our entire lives ( don't ask me what happened to change our minds, it just sort of happened). Then I unexpectedly got pregnant with twins a year later. Since then I'm even more miserable each passing year. The things I don't like about Baltimore are- weather, population, crime, climate, fast paced kill you by your 40th bday mentality, and I could stand to get away from my crazy mom. The places I have researched and thought about moving to are the us virgin islands, the Florida keys, mainland Florida, Arizona. I want year round warm sunny weather and no big city living. I'm definitely more country then city. I think constantly about moving and my hubby is totally on board. What stops us are 1) we have young children 2) we should try to be near some family so we can have some time to ourselves 3) my husband and I both have good jobs, comfortable lifestyle, and a good modest home. We also have some help from my family with our girls. Despite all those positives I just can't stop feeling miserable here. I am so bored with my current job that I have spent entire work days googling things like "phases of the moon" and "rare diseases". I also have a sense of "limited time" in my life because I have a lot of major health problems- RA, Sjogrens syndrome, crohnes,and a neurological condition. I live with a sense of not making it into my 50's. I'm a much happier person when It is sunny and warm, which only occurs 2-3 months of the year here. Is it wrong to leave a stable job and home with 2 young children just because I'm unhappy with my life? My biggest fear is doing that, not being able to make it in our new life, and then starting back at zero and have no jobs, no money, and no home. That thought is so scary with kids. At what point do I say screw it and do it anyway? So confused.
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Old 06-12-2012, 10:41 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,067 posts, read 8,325,737 times
Reputation: 11540
Quote:
Originally Posted by julieph85 View Post
I've been wanting to move from Baltimore for the last 6 years. My husband and I had twin daughters 2 1/2 years ago. We bought our home 4 years ago. I'm 27 and my hubby is 39. There's the basics. My issue is that I am horribly unhappy here. As soon as I graduated college 6 years ago, I knew I wanted to get the heck out of here. We decided to move to key west. 3 months later we bought a house in Baltimore where we have lived our entire lives ( don't ask me what happened to change our minds, it just sort of happened). Then I unexpectedly got pregnant with twins a year later. Since then I'm even more miserable each passing year. The things I don't like about Baltimore are- weather, population, crime, climate, fast paced kill you by your 40th bday mentality, and I could stand to get away from my crazy mom. The places I have researched and thought about moving to are the us virgin islands, the Florida keys, mainland Florida, Arizona. I want year round warm sunny weather and no big city living. I'm definitely more country then city. I think constantly about moving and my hubby is totally on board. What stops us are 1) we have young children 2) we should try to be near some family so we can have some time to ourselves 3) my husband and I both have good jobs, comfortable lifestyle, and a good modest home. We also have some help from my family with our girls. Despite all those positives I just can't stop feeling miserable here. I am so bored with my current job that I have spent entire work days googling things like "phases of the moon" and "rare diseases". I also have a sense of "limited time" in my life because I have a lot of major health problems- RA, Sjogrens syndrome, crohnes,and a neurological condition. I live with a sense of not making it into my 50's. I'm a much happier person when It is sunny and warm, which only occurs 2-3 months of the year here. Is it wrong to leave a stable job and home with 2 young children just because I'm unhappy with my life? My biggest fear is doing that, not being able to make it in our new life, and then starting back at zero and have no jobs, no money, and no home. That thought is so scary with kids. At what point do I say screw it and do it anyway? So confused.
DO IT. At what point do you do it anyway? Right now. Life is short. I moved cross country from VA to CO. I just needed a change and I wasn't happy where I was. Did it fix all my problems and make me happy every minute of my life? Of course not, but I don't regret it and I'd say overall I am happier here. I think you just go. If it sucks, then you can move back, but if you don't go you will always wonder what if I had had the courage to go. You'll never be fully happy until you're able to answer that question.
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Old 06-12-2012, 10:44 AM
 
29,988 posts, read 37,099,452 times
Reputation: 12758
As a parent your first responsibility is to provide for your children. Making a move without putting their needs first and foremost is selfish and irresponsible. Likely you know this and this is why you have not yet moved.

The time to live for yourself was before you married and had children. Vacation at Key West with the kidletts until you can find employment in a climate which better suits you.
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Old 06-12-2012, 01:24 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,570 posts, read 14,187,164 times
Reputation: 30182
The Keys aren't that far from Baltimore, right? I mean a day's drive perhaps? If you were to move there, your entire family will find a way to visit you frequently.

But you have to be able to make a living. Most of us dream of retirement and living in a warm climate. You, for possibly good reasons, want to do this now. Instead of dreaming about this, figure out how you would make a living, buy a house, etc. Are the schools good? Anyplace where you can't make a living, or can't afford housing is not a good choice. And if the schools are lousy, you aren't doing your kids any favors either.

But, because you seem to need the sun and warmth, I'd check around for places where the weather is more amenable and which fit your needs. Someone on this board is posting about needing to leave Hawaii to have a decent standard of living. If you want to do this, you will have to plan and make it happen.

Another thing to consider is heath insurance, given your health concerns. If you move to a desirable location, and you land a job, will the employers' insurance cover your existing conditions?

Good luck to you.
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Old 06-12-2012, 01:25 PM
 
8 posts, read 11,100 times
Reputation: 19
DO IT! BUT...not without a sufficient amount of savings and a well thought out PLAN! Making a move with children is very scary but we have but one life here so make the best of it while you can and make you and your family happy! I know what you mean about the weather. I live in NYC and I'm now making plans to head out to Florida by early next year, mind you the only reason we're even staying that long is because my husband and I are in his cousins wedding in November, if not we'd be gone by later this summer. The quality of life here sucks. My daughter deserves a better life than what we had growing up and a nice place to run around and play so we're out of here! Sometimes in life you just have to take chances and see what happens as scary as it might be at first. You never know you might be happier than you ever could have been and the worse case is you end up back in Baltimore, but at least you can say you tried. Don't stay stuck, I know many people who have been living here in NY all their lives, never even been off the block let alone the state and its pretty sad!

Again, make sure you have a plan. Try to see if you could send your resume out to a few places out there to see if you can get any interviews before you even head out. If not make sure to have a nice big chunk of savings as a safety net. Good luck!!
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Old 06-12-2012, 02:00 PM
 
Location: On the sunny side of a mountain
3,181 posts, read 7,023,768 times
Reputation: 6534
With kids and serious health issues you don't have the luxury of just moving. You need a plan, savings, preferably a job for one of you, a location with good schools and a place that has good health care facilities close by. You don't need to be stuck in Baltimore, but you need to cover all the ifs in order to have a successful move.
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Old 06-12-2012, 02:22 PM
 
Location: Austin
2,173 posts, read 2,865,206 times
Reputation: 2186
Quote:
Originally Posted by julieph85 View Post
I've been wanting to move from Baltimore for the last 6 years. My husband and I had twin daughters 2 1/2 years ago. We bought our home 4 years ago. I'm 27 and my hubby is 39. There's the basics. My issue is that I am horribly unhappy here. As soon as I graduated college 6 years ago, I knew I wanted to get the heck out of here. We decided to move to key west. 3 months later we bought a house in Baltimore where we have lived our entire lives ( don't ask me what happened to change our minds, it just sort of happened). Then I unexpectedly got pregnant with twins a year later. Since then I'm even more miserable each passing year. The things I don't like about Baltimore are- weather, population, crime, climate, fast paced kill you by your 40th bday mentality, and I could stand to get away from my crazy mom. The places I have researched and thought about moving to are the us virgin islands, the Florida keys, mainland Florida, Arizona. I want year round warm sunny weather and no big city living. I'm definitely more country then city. I think constantly about moving and my hubby is totally on board. What stops us are 1) we have young children 2) we should try to be near some family so we can have some time to ourselves 3) my husband and I both have good jobs, comfortable lifestyle, and a good modest home. We also have some help from my family with our girls. Despite all those positives I just can't stop feeling miserable here. I am so bored with my current job that I have spent entire work days googling things like "phases of the moon" and "rare diseases". I also have a sense of "limited time" in my life because I have a lot of major health problems- RA, Sjogrens syndrome, crohnes,and a neurological condition. I live with a sense of not making it into my 50's. I'm a much happier person when It is sunny and warm, which only occurs 2-3 months of the year here. Is it wrong to leave a stable job and home with 2 young children just because I'm unhappy with my life? My biggest fear is doing that, not being able to make it in our new life, and then starting back at zero and have no jobs, no money, and no home. That thought is so scary with kids. At what point do I say screw it and do it anyway? So confused.
Will the stress of starting all over with no financial guarantees of a job and no home give you less stress than just staying put? Make no mistake, those uncertainties will not simply fade into the background just becasue there's some sunshine outside.
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Old 06-12-2012, 02:23 PM
 
Location: Austin
2,173 posts, read 2,865,206 times
Reputation: 2186
Quote:
Originally Posted by lifelongMOgal View Post
As a parent your first responsibility is to provide for your children. Making a move without putting their needs first and foremost is selfish and irresponsible. Likely you know this and this is why you have not yet moved.

The time to live for yourself was before you married and had children. Vacation at Key West with the kidletts until you can find employment in a climate which better suits you.
Good advice! Always best to think of the family first!
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Old 06-12-2012, 04:03 PM
 
570 posts, read 1,141,215 times
Reputation: 745
As a previous poster mentioned, you should be thinking about the kiddos first. It is expensive to live in places like the Virgin Islands or the Keys. And while I haven't personally looked into schools in those areas, I can tell you that I have heard many complaints about Florida schools, overall (though I am sure, like anywhere, there are wide variations). On top of that, there isn't much in the way of industry - tourism is mostly it, unless you're in an industry that can be found everywhere (such as healthcare). So, in order to protect your kids, you should first be asking yourself can you get jobs there that will pay you enough to live there? Will they provide health insurance that will cover your preexisting conditions? And will there be good schools and neighborhoods to raise your children in?

If the answers to all of those questions are 'yes', then I would say definitely look further into moving. You're only young once, and I can understand that with health issues, you wouldn't want to wait. But keep in mind, no place is perfect. You may find yourself escaping the things you don't like about Baltimore only to find that the added inconveniences (not having family to help with the kids, etc) are annoying you just as much.

Also, have you thought about someplace like Tennessee? Closer to the family but with warmer temps and more sun? Good cost of living and a wider variety of jobs than in the Keys.
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Old 06-12-2012, 04:19 PM
 
Location: Australia
4,004 posts, read 5,269,388 times
Reputation: 6774
I can't believe some of the advice you're getting.

Everyone is saying "put the family first"...well making sure Mom is happy and healthy as possible IS putting the family first.

OP...go. Run. Do it now, don't wait. Sell your house and move, or rent your house out and move, but for goodness sake, if you keep on feeling so stressed and miserable with your life you will start having physical symptoms, and with your pre-existing illnesses this can only be bad news.

Please put your health first, your family need you happy and healthy not six feet under. The side effects of prolonged stress can be horrendous, as can Seasonal Affective Disorder, which it sounds like you have.

Also, kids are not the fragile little bundles people seem to believe. They are hardy little things who manage to cope (and thrive) with all sorts of change, if they have a happy strong loving mum.
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