U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > General Moving Issues
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-31-2012, 07:31 PM
 
17 posts, read 36,170 times
Reputation: 25

Advertisements

Hello all -

I have a terrible dilemma, wondering if anyone has advice.

I'm a 36 year-old female, single, no kids. I've been living in the D.C. metro area for 11 years and have been at my current job for 10 years. I love the few close friends I have at work, but I'm not happy with my job.. never really have been, it's stressful, but I don't know what I want to do. I've come to realize lately that I think I suffer from depression, and have my entire life. (Only just recently started seeing a therapist) My finances are in a rut - I have steep credit card debt ($22K), no savings except for my 401K, and need a new car pretty badly. In spite of all that, I do have a nice small support group of good friends here, that I'm grateful for. And it is a vibrant region.. job growth is good, city/culture is fun... I mostly like it here.

I just learned that I'm in jeopardy for losing my job soon. In addition, I've been treated poorly by our execs recently, which has made me hate being there and realize I need to move on anyway at some point soon.

In the midst of this, I just received a job offer by a former boss who is also a good friend. I would have to move back to my home town in New Jersey for the job - a 3 hour drive away. This job would pay $13,000 more than I make now... basically the same work, but more responsibility. For years I have thought about moving back home so I could be closer to my step-mom and family. Living away from my biological mother and father while they got sick and passed away was incredibly difficult, so at least being there for my step-mom as she gets older would feel good since we are close.

The benefits of taking the job would be: 1) obviously job security, since I'm at risk of losing my job now.. 2) increased pay to help my finances 3) my step-mom would let me live with her and my brother for awhile as well to help get either my debt down, or help me get a car. (though I would still pay some rent and would help out.) 4) I'd have a boss who's a friend. Plus her boss is also a friend of ours. Both of which makes me feel secure. 5) Ability to take care of my step-mom as she ages.

The cons of taking the job are: 1) Worried i'm not right for the job, would be stressful, and don't feel like it matches my strengths. But at the same time, I'm in the same situation now... and not sure what else to do. 2) fear I'd be miserable living there...as I was once when I first left for college. 3) I don't have any close friends there anymore so I'd be starting over, or reaching out to old high school friends I haven't seen in years. (tempted not to though since I've gained 50 pounds since I've seen them!) 4) I feel like it would be hard to meet any single guys in this residential area (not that I've had any luck where I am now) 5) the job market in this region is not good, unemployment is high, so I might feel stuck if this job doesn't work out.

I can't figure out what to do. I feel paralyzed and sick to my stomach. I don't handle big change well. I'm not sure if this drastic move is worth the cons... or perhaps it is. I wish I was one of those people that skip and move around like it's nothing and just have the attitude of "it's an adventure! If it doesn't work out, you can move back."

Thanks for reading and any thoughts anyone has...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-31-2012, 07:49 PM
 
Location: North Jersey
16 posts, read 19,619 times
Reputation: 44
Unfortunately there are no perfect situations in life. I think it would be wise to move back to NJ for awhile and regroup. You will have a better paying job working with friends. Give it a few years and after your debt is paid off and you get some money saved you can consider moving back to DC. It will also be a good time to really evaluate your career if you are finding it too stressfull and possibly go back to school for something else. If your good friends are really good they will remain your friends and you can go visit them on holidays.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-31-2012, 08:00 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,995 posts, read 21,643,332 times
Reputation: 22107
I would talk too your 'potential' boss about the position, ask probing questions about the job. You don't want to get in over your head again, especially with a friend. This doesn't guarantee that you won't be fired.

I know it has to be really hard to make a decision, you are going to have to find the answer.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-31-2012, 08:10 PM
Status: "On The Lookout" (set 23 days ago)
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
28,396 posts, read 61,765,972 times
Reputation: 31955
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wishing.Well View Post
In the midst of this, I just received a job offer by a former boss who is also a good friend. I would have to move back to my home town in New Jersey for the job - a 3 hour drive away. This job would pay $13,000 more than I make now... basically the same work, but more responsibility. For years I have thought about moving back home so I could be closer to my step-mom and family. Living away from my biological mother and father while they got sick and passed away was incredibly difficult, so at least being there for my step-mom as she gets older would feel good since we are close.

The benefits of taking the job would be...
Do it. If it all works out stay with it.

Meanwhile you get yourself out of debt and reduce stress...
both of which you need in order to make the following decisions with the right head.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-31-2012, 09:57 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,578 posts, read 14,187,164 times
Reputation: 30198
I'm with Mr. Rational basically; you need a change. But I like veuvegirl's thoughts too. It is possible you need to get a a feel for your new boss. Its a 3 hour drive away. Go there and talk to him. See if your instinct is to go for it or to hang back. If your gut doesn't like what he says, then look for a new job elsewhere.

But if things seem OK, and you feel you can do the job, I'd go for it. Work like heck to do a good job and be well liked by your peers. Decide to make this a success, and then, perhaps you will advance or move on to something better.

Good luck!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-01-2012, 08:21 AM
 
18,856 posts, read 31,604,866 times
Reputation: 26107
I think that DC is so expensive. Time for you to move on, get a new job, and work on getting that debt paid off. And, if the job in NJ does not work out, there are lots of jobs out there...it just takes time to find them, and gumption to move and take one.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-01-2012, 08:57 AM
 
17 posts, read 36,170 times
Reputation: 25
Thanks all for your input, I appreciate it.

My new potential boss (and her boss) are actually based in the DC area. If I take the NJ job, I'd be working out of a satelite area up there.

I'm going to see them both this weekend for the holiday; they know I have concerns and they'd like for us to talk more about. I want to be honest about my reservations and get their input.. want to make sure this is a right fit for all parties involved.

And if not, then I'll have to find a job in a different direction...either before I get laid off, or after when I at least get a severance and unemployment.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-01-2012, 09:00 AM
 
5,678 posts, read 5,901,325 times
Reputation: 4408
I would move back. You are fortunate to have a support system.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-01-2012, 09:26 AM
 
Location: Prescott AZ
6,098 posts, read 9,021,561 times
Reputation: 11456
I would make a decision this weekend, after seeing your friends so you don't keep worrying about this whole thing. If you truly do have depression, perhaps your therapist can help you with these issues, or maybe provide meds to help if needed. Nothing to fear, except fear itself I always say.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-01-2012, 10:10 AM
 
Location: Asheville
1,162 posts, read 3,685,232 times
Reputation: 1200
I lean towards going back to New Jersey! Getting out of debt and not suddenly winding up unemployed would top my list of positives, and this will help your depression. Work is work, no matter what kind you do, it's all a pain in the neck in some manner or other. I think it's great you'd have someplace to stay while you look for a place to live, and as you've realized, family is SO important...you can always travel to D.C. every now and then and meet up with old friends. As for reservations of living in NJ in the old neighborhood, you COULD look at condos or rental complexes near a recreational area nearby, like the beaches or a lake or wilderness, and commute a little ways. To make friends, look into joining a club with people who share similar interests, or take a dance class, or learn how to play guitar, find out where a community garden is, just SOMEthing new that will expand your horizons.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > General Moving Issues
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:01 AM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top