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Old 01-29-2013, 05:12 AM
 
1 posts, read 3,631 times
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I moved almost a year ago from Chicago to Dallas and I still only see Dallas as the place where I currently live, but not as home. As a result of moving to Dallas my quality of life has gone up. I'm more financially secure, don't have to work as much, am less stressed and I enjoy the better weather 7 months out of the year. One of the advantages is that I can afford to travel frequently now, and I do. Chicago is only a 2 hour plane ride away and I visit pretty often. Because of this, I haven't made too much of an effort to make new friends but I don't feel lonely in Dallas despite not knowing anyone here. I get together with my old friends in Chicago almost the same amount as I did back when I lived there so it feels the same. Chicago still feels like home to me when I go back despite the fact that I don't live there everyday. I kind of feel like I am just traveling to Texas for work instead of seeing it like I am permanently living there. Or it also feels like I moved from downtown to a suburb a few hours away. It doesn't feel like I moved 800 miles away since I visit often. I like it in Texas, but mostly because of the improvement in my quality of life. Has this happened to anyone else on here? How long before you started to accept your new place as your new home? I guess I am having a hard time letting go since Chicago is where all my friends and family are, not to mention all my old hang out spots. I've gone out and explored places in Dallas and met some people but nothing really clicked like everything I have in Chicago. I'm actually not really convinced that Dallas is my permanent new home, even though it makes sense for me right now. Is it sad to stay in a place for the better daily quality of life even though friends and family are somewhere else?

 
Old 01-29-2013, 01:16 PM
 
Location: Over here
281 posts, read 538,879 times
Reputation: 363
I have not moved yet but am considering a move to Dallas away from a "home" I've been in for 40 years. I will not be able to return to visit as easily as you, but knowing I can fly back home every once in a while to catch up with friends will help. I am so worried about getting homesick and regretting my decision to move that I am going at it slower than originally expected. I did read, however, that it takes up to two years to feel like you have a new "home" and not be as homesick. You didn't mention how long you've lived in Dallas, but it sounds like it's working out well for you.

I cannot say when a new city should feel like home but I think it will come as an instant feeling someday. Good luck in your new home and thanks for giving positive feedback about your move...
 
Old 01-29-2013, 08:47 PM
 
Location: North Dakota
7,721 posts, read 9,018,166 times
Reputation: 11083
It can take over a year for a place to feel like home. Give it some more time.
 
Old 01-29-2013, 09:10 PM
 
Location: Henderson, NV
5,314 posts, read 6,311,399 times
Reputation: 3522
I moved from California to New England in 1986 an it has never felt like "home"... moving to Las Vegas in 4 months.. the West is calling me home...
 
Old 01-29-2013, 10:09 PM
 
2,575 posts, read 4,688,097 times
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I think you're going through what a friend of mine did in college...she was so intent on staying in a relationship with her high school boyfriend who was at college in another state that she unconsciously relied on him for her socializing (by phone and visits during school breaks) and didn't really settle into friendships with students at her school. Once they broke up, she made friends at her school more easily because she didn't have him to depend on for personal interaction. I'm not suggesting that you "break up" with your Chicago friends, of course, but I think that maybe you're so comfortable with them and your schedule of seeing them as often as you do that it's making your adjustment seem especially difficult because your Dallas social life hasn't had time to "catch up" and start filling the void they left when you moved. Give it some more time, and perhaps find some volunteer activity you like to do. I did that when I moved to my present town 2.5 years ago and I have a small, but close circle of friends from that activity and we've been socializing outside of our non-profit environment for some time now.
 
Old 01-30-2013, 12:20 AM
 
Location: Ostend,Belgium....
8,820 posts, read 6,361,885 times
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if you're happy, what does it matter whether you're just in Dallas for the "easier" life. Sounds like Chicago is home but since you can visit the places and friends you'd otherwise miss, so be it. It'd be much worse if you could never visit. Maybe someday you'll decide to move back, maybe not. If it bothers you or if you feel guilty for not liking Dallas as much, then don't visit Chicago for a long while and try to meet people and visit places in Dallas more. Create new memories. Otherwise don't change a thing. everyone is different and what works for one person, is not good for someone else.
 
Old 01-30-2013, 03:43 AM
 
3,047 posts, read 6,577,228 times
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I can understand as I have been living away from my home state for over 4 years and it still does not feel like home.
For you though you stated you have not met many people yet don't feel lonely. I do wonder if it would help you feel more like at home if you did. It can help create new memories and having a close relationship can make you feel better or I feel that way anyhow.
 
Old 02-04-2013, 12:37 AM
 
5,702 posts, read 16,180,463 times
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I understand. I moved away from family and friends 5 yrs ago. Its only 300 miles but where we live is vastly different from where I am from. So in a way it feels much further. Also the drive through rural Indiana and Ohio makes the drive feel a lot longer than it is (very boring drive). I didnt work for the first few years so I would go home to visit about once a month which was basically as often as I saw my family and friends when I did live there. The only difference was is that I stayed with my mother. Not having my own space was a little weird.

Then as time wore on, my mom wanted to come visit us and stay. Our home is bigger and it was nice for her to get away from it all for a weekend. Then I started visiting less often, also the winters can be brutal so I found myself not going home during the winters. Once this started happening, then my perspective changed. One of the main reasons I moved was because our hometown was economically depressed. As the years wore on, it only became worse so going "home" started to look different. Each time I came into town, these changes were very noticeable to me. It started to feel foreign. When did that business close? What happened to the so and so's, there were so many foreclosures. I started to feel like a child asking too many questions. All these changes were very noticeable to me where everyone else seemed to just roll with it, which is what one does but I was looking at everything with new eyes.

The type of lifestyle I lead now and the home I own is not an option in my hometown or the surrounding area. All of these things I knew already and the reason I moved in the first place but the comparisons were becoming more obvious all the time. Over time I started to find new favorite restaurants and shopping where I live. I also felt more fatigued with family squabbles when I visited. This stuff I had let roll off my shoulders in the past was not so easy anymore. Then people putting a lot of demands on me. Friends getting ticked off I didnt make time for them or a family member getting ticked I didnt spend enough time with them either. All of a sudden I was doing all the work. Making the long drive, then driving all over once I got there. After a long weekend I would get very anxious about leaving and heading home and wouldnt feel relaxed until I hit the state line.

I still havent made any friends where I am now. In a way, I dont think I fit in here. I just havent met anyone that shares my interests but also my job has me working from home so that pretty much keeps me homebound. If I worked outside the home then that would probably change things. My husband has made friends and settled in a lot faster than I did. So, in a way I feel a little conflicted at times. To be honest, it took me a lot longer to get used to everything than I thought it would. Dallas may not be your permanent home but the longer you stay in one place, the more comfortable it becomes. For me, I think my hometown changing so much made where I live now more familiar, if that makes sense.
 
Old 02-04-2013, 02:45 AM
 
Location: the AZ desert
5,037 posts, read 7,748,142 times
Reputation: 8256
Quote:
Originally Posted by ukiyo-e View Post
I think you're going through what a friend of mine did in college...she was so intent on staying in a relationship with her high school boyfriend who was at college in another state that she unconsciously relied on him for her socializing (by phone and visits during school breaks) and didn't really settle into friendships with students at her school. Once they broke up, she made friends at her school more easily because she didn't have him to depend on for personal interaction. I'm not suggesting that you "break up" with your Chicago friends, of course, but I think that maybe you're so comfortable with them and your schedule of seeing them as often as you do that it's making your adjustment seem especially difficult because your Dallas social life hasn't had time to "catch up" and start filling the void they left when you moved. Give it some more time, and perhaps find some volunteer activity you like to do. I did that when I moved to my present town 2.5 years ago and I have a small, but close circle of friends from that activity and we've been socializing outside of our non-profit environment for some time now.
^^ This.

After living my entire life in NY, I moved to Dallas. It took about a year for it to feel like home. I think the main obstacle was keeping too much contact with those I left behind. I continued to speak to friends/family in NY almost daily, as if I never left, and I went back to visit a couple of times that first year. All the time spent on keeping my past alive didn't allow me to explore the opportunities in front of me, for the present and future. As time went on, I started visiting less frequently. This was because (1) the expense of traveling and (2) I realized I was the one doing all the travel, whereas my friends weren't visiting me. (Well, one did, but for the most part they didn't. They certainly weren't investing the amount of time and money I was.) Once I slacked off on the phone calls and travel, a whole new world opened up for me and, finally, Dallas felt like "home". (Making friends and doing things with them played a huge role in that transition.)

A decade later, the circumstances of life brought us to Arizona, where I have now lived for 7.5 years. It has never felt like home here. Then again, AZ was never on my radar as a place I wanted to move to, whereas Dallas was. We recently bought a retirement home here, but in my dreams I am still returning to..... Dallas!
 
Old 02-05-2013, 05:52 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,641 posts, read 23,224,516 times
Reputation: 48771
Quote:
Originally Posted by starfruit911 View Post
I moved almost a year ago from Chicago to Dallas and I still only see Dallas as the place where I currently live, but not as home. As a result of moving to Dallas my quality of life has gone up. I'm more financially secure, don't have to work as much, am less stressed and I enjoy the better weather 7 months out of the year. One of the advantages is that I can afford to travel frequently now, and I do. Chicago is only a 2 hour plane ride away and I visit pretty often. Because of this, I haven't made too much of an effort to make new friends but I don't feel lonely in Dallas despite not knowing anyone here. I get together with my old friends in Chicago almost the same amount as I did back when I lived there so it feels the same. Chicago still feels like home to me when I go back despite the fact that I don't live there everyday. I kind of feel like I am just traveling to Texas for work instead of seeing it like I am permanently living there. Or it also feels like I moved from downtown to a suburb a few hours away. It doesn't feel like I moved 800 miles away since I visit often. I like it in Texas, but mostly because of the improvement in my quality of life. Has this happened to anyone else on here? How long before you started to accept your new place as your new home? I guess I am having a hard time letting go since Chicago is where all my friends and family are, not to mention all my old hang out spots. I've gone out and explored places in Dallas and met some people but nothing really clicked like everything I have in Chicago. I'm actually not really convinced that Dallas is my permanent new home, even though it makes sense for me right now. Is it sad to stay in a place for the better daily quality of life even though friends and family are somewhere else?

Fist of all this sounds really wonderful! You have a job, and you don't need to work as much.You are financially secure and you can afford to travel back to Chicago when ever you want, and you have less stress than you had before! You can still visit your old friends and you travel frequenty between two awesome and very different cities! MANY people would LOVE to be in your shoes!

You also say you "like it in Texas". That's great! I'll bet around this time of year TX is very pleasant in terms of weather! A lot of people would just love to be in your shoes.

So the problem is, after one year you still think of Chicago as home. I'm not surprised! When you move after age 21, it is natural to think of the place where you spent most of your life as home. What is special about your situation is that you, unlike many others, have the ability to travel back and forth and ease yourself into Dallas at your own pace. Or not!

Perhaps Dallas isn't your permanent home. But as you said, it's working for you right now. So enjoy it!

If you want to meet more friends in Texas, simply travel to Chicago less and do this in Dallas that would help you to meer people. The more time you spend there, the more it will feel normal and comfortable.
Will it ever feel "Like home"? Who cares! Take it day by day and enjoy the mobility that you have.
Even if you do make some friends in Dallas, it may never feel like home, but it's where you live and it sounds as though it's treating you right!

Cut down on the trips to Chicago if you want to feel more comfortable in Dallas, or, continue doing what you are doing until you don't want to!

I think that many people reading this might wonder what you have to complain about, Forget the label home or not home, and enjoy all that both places have to offer!
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