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Old 05-17-2013, 07:07 AM
 
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It depends on the teenager. Some can adjust really well and others can't. As a young teenager my mother moved me and my brother around. My outgoing brother had a harder time in small-town Iowa than I did, which really isn't saying much. Other than making a few outcast friends, I hated it there. In southeast Idaho, my brother made friends and started adjusting and I REALLY hated it. He made more friends than me in Colorado and has in general had better success than me socially. Before the moving around phase we both had friends.

 
Old 05-17-2013, 07:08 AM
 
7,496 posts, read 9,714,122 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hello_im_sean View Post
He won't be happy but if he accepts it i think it will be a good experience for him. Help with gowing up. I'm 21 now but was just becoming a teenager when my parents moved me. I hated it at the time but looking back it was one of the best things that ever happened to me.
I think that too, even though it was a learning experience, it killed my social life forever though, it seems. I never really recovered, but it was still an interesting enough experience that now I can honestly look back at it and think about it logically instead of being negative about it like I was during the fact.
 
Old 05-17-2013, 07:20 AM
 
Location: Kansas
19,187 posts, read 14,944,669 times
Reputation: 18248
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
We moved while our children were teens. They were not thrilled but we did what was best for our whole family. Things that are good for the family, are good for us.

We did not explain anymore than that. We did not apologize. We did not "feed the move with emotion".

We told then that it would be a good thing and that we understood why they might not be happy, but that the move was happening.

Three months later - they are happy, doing well in school, and seldom speak of our former state.

Resilience is a wonderful trait for teens to adopt. Change is a constant in life. They will adjust when you stop second guessing your move.
The above post is well worth repeating. We moved with our son has a teen. Once, we moved when he was in junior high and we had some "issues" with him, he was 13, but we talked with the school counselor who was more than familiar with "issues" and between the fact that we cared enough to try to help the situation and the intervention of the counselor, our son adjusted and went on to love it until we moved again just before his junior year and that went smoothly. "Resilience" is priceless and so necessary in the world today.
 
Old 05-17-2013, 10:22 AM
Status: "busy" (set 8 days ago)
 
Location: under the beautiful Carolina blue
16,723 posts, read 25,695,396 times
Reputation: 12637
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
We moved while our children were teens. They were not thrilled but we did what was best for our whole family. Things that are good for the family, are good for us.

We did not explain anymore than that. We did not apologize. We did not "feed the move with emotion".

We told then that it would be a good thing and that we understood why they might not be happy, but that the move was happening.

Three months later - they are happy, doing well in school, and seldom speak of our former state.

Resilience is a wonderful trait for teens to adopt. Change is a constant in life. They will adjust when you stop second guessing your move.
I agree with this. IMHO, regardless of the child's personality, issues, etc - they don't get a say. He's known for years a move is a possibility and he's been "quite firm" that he doesn't want to move in HS. ANd what has your response been to his "quite firm" attitude? HAs it been "don't worry, probably not gonna happen" or has it been "We'll do our best, but obviously if we had to move while you're in HS we would move and that's that"? The answer to this question is what's missing here.

If your son has suffered from depression in the past (and sounds like he may still be since he doesn't hang with friends, doesn't care for the school anyway and sounds a bit apathetic and I'm not judging 'cause I've got one like that too) then there are ways to manage that. Get him into some counseling now to deal with his emotions, etc.

Sure he might hate having to move, but he will get over it because he has no choice in the matter.
 
Old 05-17-2013, 10:41 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,066 posts, read 8,324,253 times
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My parents moved my brother and I the summer after I finished 9th grade. I didn't really love the school I was at, but I'd always been shy and I was really anxious about starting a new school where all the kids had already known each other for forever. It turned out completely fine and I adjusted. You should do what's best for your family overall. Learning to adapt to change is part of life. Since he's not all that crazy about where's at now this could be a great opportunity for him to make new friends. Ultimately you're the parent and he's still the kid and he needs to respect and live with the decisions you make.
 
Old 05-17-2013, 10:54 PM
 
Location: Aiken, South Carolina, US of A
1,762 posts, read 3,833,696 times
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Jblair,
Unless you are going to be homeless if you don't move, DON"T DO IT!
Especially boys in high school age, have a much harder time adjusting to a move
at the teen years.
I don't know why, but they do.
I REALLY wanted to move closer to my work and buy a home when my youngest
was in high school. I was paying 1500.00 a month in rent to live in the school district
that he eventually graduated high school from.
But I drove an hour to work every day and an hour back and paid the 1,500.00 a month
rent so that he could graduate from that school.
Then I moved.
It was worth it. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and put your wants on hold for
your child's needs.
Besides, 2 years will go by really fast. You'll see.
 
Old 05-18-2013, 06:09 AM
 
1,516 posts, read 1,840,067 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterfly4u View Post
Jblair,
Unless you are going to be homeless if you don't move, DON"T DO IT!
Especially boys in high school age, have a much harder time adjusting to a move
at the teen years.
I don't know why, but they do.
I REALLY wanted to move closer to my work and buy a home when my youngest
was in high school. I was paying 1500.00 a month in rent to live in the school district
that he eventually graduated high school from.
But I drove an hour to work every day and an hour back and paid the 1,500.00 a month
rent so that he could graduate from that school.
Then I moved.
It was worth it. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and put your wants on hold for
your child's needs.
Besides, 2 years will go by really fast. You'll see.

I think that you have to carefully balance the needs of the family and each situation is different. If this relocation offers a much better quality of life for the family, I don't think sucking it up for two years is a good one. My husband for example as been miserable in his job for many years and we've been trying to leave NJ which seems like forever. Finally, the opportunity of a lifetime presented itself. This is possibly the job he could retire from (fingers crossed) and the firm seems extraordinary. He is in a niche business. If we had to wait another couple of years, I think it would crush him. It would also crush me.

It sounds like this teen is just a bit apathetic about the move overall and has no great love for the HS. Being just a few hours away from your old place makes it even easier to come back and visit friends. I think that as others there have said, get him help for depression and a bit of counseling. I wouldn't put our lives on hold for two years though. Then again, that is just me.

BTW, my 13 year old daughter is emotionally troubled so our transition troubles us a bit. However, we've been talking up this move for years. Same as you from your post. Middle School has been hideous for her. Hopefully our new area is better. I think she is excited but her emotions change like the wind.
 
Old 01-22-2017, 11:27 AM
 
1 posts, read 5,333 times
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Default difficult adjustment

My husband's job took him from South Florida to NC last January. We have four children, one of whom is on her own, two in college in FL and one was a sophomore in high school. I stayed with him until he finished the year, then we moved up and bought a house. My husband and I love the area, but our son has had a difficult adjustment. He misses his friends and feels he is missing the best years of his life by not being in the only area he has ever known, and will miss out on senior year events with his friends. He hasn't made friends with anyone in which he has spent time with, other than talking to in class or in rec basketball. My husband and I are now considering whether I should go back to Florida with him for a year, so he can do his senior year there, and then also would be a resident for college, which he would prefer, over NC schools. I am wondering if this consideration would be a mistake. In the scheme of life, he is adjusting fine….goes to school, which he was never overly fond of anyway….and I know he can go down and visit and friends can come here to visit. He can get a job here and college isn't very far away. I'm not quite sure if it's worth the sacrifice of splitting up parents for that year, just to finish high school. He wasn't very involved in school, but had his handful of close friends. By the way, we took this position up here, knowing we were close enough to retirement, moving to a beautiful place, and company totally paid for move and closing costs on both ends, plus compensation for the 'hassle'--a hefty cost if left on us! This puts us in what we consider to be a great place for retirement. It's hard looking for a new job at that level when you're over 55!! Thoughts welcome….
 
Old 01-22-2017, 06:51 PM
 
Location: Des Moines Metro
5,047 posts, read 5,959,698 times
Reputation: 9419
Quote:
Originally Posted by movingsoflo View Post
It's hard looking for a new job at that level when you're over 55!! Thoughts welcome….
Sometimes you just have to be a parent and be firm. You now live in NC. It's his job to adjust, not yours to go back to FL so that he can finish his senior year. That's nuts.

I could maybe understand it if you moved somewhere like N. MN, which has an entirely different culture and hard winters, but NC has a lot in common with FL.

Be kind, but basically tell him, "Suck it up, Buttercup." Put the money toward your retirement! He's old enough to start earning more of his own.
 
Old 01-28-2017, 09:41 AM
 
609 posts, read 367,156 times
Reputation: 1473
Your job is to be the parent and do what is best for your kid, not what is easiest.

It's easy to look back with rose-colored glasses. But that doesn't mean you can go backwards in time or avoid change. If you move your son back to his old school and his old friends, he will probably find that he doesn't fit in with them like he remembers. They've had a year of experiences that he hasn't been a part of. Friendships are a dynamic thing and he won't be able to just slip back into them like it was yesterday. And then his senior year will be over and everyone will be going their separate ways.

Everyone adjusts to change differently and in their own timeline. But keeping the door open to the possibility of returning is probably the main thing that's holding your son back from making new friends and settling into his new place. As long as the idea is in the back of his mind that he may go back to FL, then he's never going to invest any energy or effort in making new friends or liking the new place.

It can just be a subtle change in tone or offhand remarks, but if you start acting like this change is permanent and irrevocable, he will eventually come to the realization that this is it. He can either be alone and miserable, or he can go out and make friends and embrace the new life.
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