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Old 11-06-2007, 04:16 AM
 
5,617 posts, read 13,728,524 times
Reputation: 2774

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First off I am venting here so let me vent. My husband hated NJ, for 10 years did nothing but complain and I mean COMPLAIN. He hated the crowds, the taxes just everything. So we had a vacation home and I got a good job in the vacation home area and WE BOTH decided to move. OHHH my GOD, nothing but moping , complaining, telling me after a 10 day of work the job market is not good for me here. Well DUDE, you dont have to work, you wanted the woods, you hated NJ BLAH BLAH, BLAH. He is driving me crazy . Thanks that felt better. I tell him shut up but I hate this. I am happy I got a job just to get the hell out for the day away from the moaning.
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Old 11-06-2007, 04:36 AM
 
2,482 posts, read 8,031,795 times
Reputation: 1924
Tell him this, in a nice way, and maybe things will change? Make him realize how big of a baby he's being.
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Old 11-06-2007, 08:18 AM
 
781 posts, read 3,532,016 times
Reputation: 281
Question...how old is he?? Is he retired while you are working??
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Old 11-06-2007, 09:28 AM
 
1,408 posts, read 7,381,326 times
Reputation: 656
Men can be babies. Maybe you should try and help him find a new hobby. I certainly understand where you're coming from. for years all my hubby ever talked about was moving south (we're in MA), now that i've finally come around and agreed and he started interviewing all he does is worry and complain. oh the timing not right (you've only been talking about wanting to move for 15 years), let's pay off our credit card first (we owe $1500 on it), let's wait until the house is in perfect condition (HELLO it's 60 years old, it'll never be PERFECT), let's wait until the sky turns green and the grass turns blue. HA!!!!
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Old 11-06-2007, 09:51 AM
 
3,031 posts, read 8,300,852 times
Reputation: 832
I can relate.

1988: Happy as a pig in s*it in PDX. Hubby wants to get out of native Oregon. He hates his job, too. We move to San Francisco.
1990: We're both not happy there: me because of job/commute; him because of lack of job and lack of friends and just generally unhappy and missing PNW. I zero in on job w/ current company in Seattle, go after it, take a pay cut and we move.
1994: I leave job because 2nd kid is born and travel schedule is unmanageable. He loses his job (at which he was miserable, anyway). He finds a job in Washington DC and wears me down finally, with reasons we should move. I leave Seattle kicking and screaming.
1997: He's fairly happy in job (not overjoyed, but it's ok) but hates NoVa, the congestion and DC as a city. Goes to Boston and New England for the first time on family vacation (I went to college in Boston) and fell in love with New England. Starts looking for jobs in MA. Gets one in Boston, and determines we should move.
2007: We've been here 10 years; he's had 3 jobs (lost all of them though not always his fault) and a business that failed. Filed for bankruptcy. Lost house. Living in a rental. He hates MA. Our kids have now grown up here (oldest is in 11th grade). Is open to my desire to move to NC (I've wanted to do this for 7 or 8 years and he's finally starting to come around) but really, really wants to go back "home" to PDX. He's finally employed again but hates his job. Says he has no friends.

It's enough to make ya crazy. And yes, I hear the whining constantly.
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Old 11-06-2007, 05:55 PM
 
5,617 posts, read 13,728,524 times
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Thanks for the encouragement. Well hobbies, he is running me broke with hobbies, I wish he would stop with all the house projects. If he is not doing that he is complaining. Yes he could retire, we both could, we did a major life scale down. This is what bothers me, He always said I hate NJ for 10 years, He wanted to live and relax in the woods. Thats all I heard, so we made it happen. Now mind you did the research and also I hear now is ITs not NJ. Well as-ho-- you wanted out of NJ remember. YOU WANTED THE MOUNTAINS AND THE WOODS!!!!!! I just don't get it. Now here is the other thing, I found a good job I mean good, so I go to work and he spend the money on PROJECTS because he is so out of wack. I told him maybe your not ready to retire look for a part time job. SO he finds a part time jpb this is good right? Now its I cant believe they are paying so low, its not want I was making in NJ. DUDE you wanted out of NJ remember??? This is the woods and you dont have to work so shut up. I just wish he would shut up and remember the reasons why he left NJ. Well he is taking this and lets hope he finds something positive about it. I mean you cant have it all. Let me say this, I am not no matter what going back to NJ. I like it here, and I can relate to some of his feeling that is it not nj but I hated NJ too and feel that you need to make the best of it. There are so many positives here, and if we lose a job we wont have to struggle. You see I set us up for retirement good so we dont have to work here, but in NJ would have to due to home tax and you know NJ is so expensive.
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Old 11-06-2007, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,505 posts, read 23,724,078 times
Reputation: 8837
Quote:
Originally Posted by NChomesomeday View Post
I can relate.

1988: Happy as a pig in s*it in PDX. Hubby wants to get out of native Oregon. He hates his job, too. We move to San Francisco.
1990: We're both not happy there: me because of job/commute; him because of lack of job and lack of friends and just generally unhappy and missing PNW. I zero in on job w/ current company in Seattle, go after it, take a pay cut and we move.
1994: I leave job because 2nd kid is born and travel schedule is unmanageable. He loses his job (at which he was miserable, anyway). He finds a job in Washington DC and wears me down finally, with reasons we should move. I leave Seattle kicking and screaming.
1997: He's fairly happy in job (not overjoyed, but it's ok) but hates NoVa, the congestion and DC as a city. Goes to Boston and New England for the first time on family vacation (I went to college in Boston) and fell in love with New England. Starts looking for jobs in MA. Gets one in Boston, and determines we should move.
2007: We've been here 10 years; he's had 3 jobs (lost all of them though not always his fault) and a business that failed. Filed for bankruptcy. Lost house. Living in a rental. He hates MA. Our kids have now grown up here (oldest is in 11th grade). Is open to my desire to move to NC (I've wanted to do this for 7 or 8 years and he's finally starting to come around) but really, really wants to go back "home" to PDX. He's finally employed again but hates his job. Says he has no friends.

It's enough to make ya crazy. And yes, I hear the whining constantly.

lol- everyone goes thru this, it seems. My h. said I was the one who "made" him move to Florida from Ny. At the time it was cheaper, it was fine, he always had a stable job- I was in grad school at the time (never planned on staying in Fl)

Fast forward- now we are in NE Tenn. All fine but now if I complain he gets angry. The country is nice, but the job market limited. I moved here in trasnsition.

Moving is definitely a strain on most marriages, although I am glad I have experienced it. At least I am not a limited person who lived in the same state for fifty years.
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Old 11-07-2007, 04:08 AM
 
5,617 posts, read 13,728,524 times
Reputation: 2774
Just to let you know I am glad I am going to work. I pray he will find something positive because I am tired. I came to the woods to be lessed stress and find myself now a babysitter. This man better adjust, and do it quick or stop blaming me and get a grip. This is a decision two make, its funny he thought he would be sooooo happy in the woods. Well wake up buddy you better make it here, because I am not doing this again. I tell him you want to go find a job (a good job) make sure you like it, and then we will rent then move again. Then he says ohhh I have to give it a chance here, and I say yes, you do two months come on. Then I tell him look you got a job, its part time, there is no pressure , what more do you want? People are so messed up. Next time I am staying single.

Thanks for letting me vent. This felt soooo good, off to work. By the way I am not cold hearted I love him, its just mopping around and complaining and so the wage is low big deal at least you can work part time at what you like to do. I am just tired. Thanks!!!!!
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Old 11-07-2007, 05:25 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth/Dallas
11,878 posts, read 33,483,762 times
Reputation: 5566
Wow. That would drive me crazy too. You've got a lot more patience than 90 percent of the world. He sounds like a baby. I hope it gets better.
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Old 11-07-2007, 07:29 AM
 
204 posts, read 707,858 times
Reputation: 107
Stevemorse-Wow you have my sympathy. You seem to have adusted so well. Maybe get DH to a therapist.

We, too, moved from NJ but to MN-thank heavens it was a good move-especially for me being a native NYC/NJ person.

Hang in there-and thankfully you have an out with your work.
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