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Old 11-18-2007, 07:03 AM
Location: Palm Coast, Fl
2,249 posts, read 8,037,546 times
Reputation: 1002


I'm laughing. I'm from LI also. But, my situation was different. My mom, my whole life and I mean my whole life, did this thing about how we couldn't move further than one hour from her. It was sort of written in stone so to speak. College, well, if you were going to go, it was stressed it shouldn't be an 'away' college. So, here we all are (myself and two sisters), all living in Suffolk County, none of us moving at all...getting married, having kids, jobs and a life, but, all in the same area. And what happens? My mom moved. To Florida. rofl I will never forget looking at her and asking what the heck?? lol. At that point, we were free to do whatever. I did end up moving down here about 4 years after her. Moved to the same town. Then chose to move 4 hours away to another part of Fl. She started with her routine and I just said "Yo. I've gotta do what I've gotta do..it's better than 1500 miles" and that ended that.
I thought it was so funny how it all worked out. Look, she loves you. Send her a card thanking her for all she's done giving you the ability to make wise choices. Let her think it was all her doing.
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Old 11-18-2007, 07:39 AM
1,613 posts, read 2,372,067 times
Reputation: 284
I just had to respond to this thread because something similar happened to me.

My mom & grandma passed away a few years ago. I was raised by them. I decided to move from the east coast to the west coast. You should hear some of the stuff my family said to me from back home.

I think one of the worst was my cousin's children who are 6 & 2 said: why did he move away? he's stupid, why would he want to do that?

I know kids just repeat what they here so I just shake my head
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Old 11-18-2007, 09:21 AM
Location: North Carolina
546 posts, read 1,492,987 times
Reputation: 583
oooh I know how you feel. Hubby and I just moved from Mass to Apex 3 weeks ago. We've been working toward this goal for two years now. My mom is a shadow to me, and now that I have kids she was over cohnstantly! It's great for the kids and I love my mom, but there sometimes was that feeling of smothering.
Im sure you can guess the reaction when our house finally sold and we were heading down here. Although she knew about it for years, the waterworks and guilt trips went into overdrive. I've tried to be the dutiful daughter and call her a few times a week, email her pictures, and send her cds so she can print pictures herself. I have my kids talk to her, and I still get the tears and how shes now all alone. Shes already decided to take up early retirement in a year and come down here. That's fine with me for the kids, but it grates my nerves having to listen to a grown woman bawling everytime I call.

What keeps me sane is that I did what was best for my family. While I may be her daughter, I am also a grown woman with a family of my own and I need to do what is best for them. That includes a better quality of life, which I have found here in Apex. I have absolutely no regrets, I just wish she could remember that as a mom you do what is best for your family not just yourself.
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Old 11-19-2007, 08:25 AM
Location: HOTHellHoleCalledFL
205 posts, read 908,194 times
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Slynn, I can COMPLETELY relate, I think my mom may be worse in fact...
My mother is absolutely horrible about things like this. I have lived my entire life in the same county as my mother and recently (18 months ago) moved to a county that is 1 hour away from her by car...perhaps an hour and a half. My mother threw an absolute hissy fit when we moved...even though is was only an hour away for crying out loud. Told me how terrible it was, etc etc. Since we have moved she has come to visit (hubby and I have 3 kiddos) her grandchildren a handful a times (less than a half dozen times). When she needs something though, I had better come running OR ELSE. I have heard it all out of my mothers mouth...most recently sent her pictures of our vacation we took last month...know what her response was?? No, not "glad you guys had a great time, the kids look happy, etc....NO NO NO, not from my mother...she called me to tell me how tired and fat I look in the pictures and asked me if I was pregnant, again. (I swear that these were her words, in NO WAY am I twisting her words)
Anyway...we are looking to move again (FAR this time, probably NC..maybe even CO...it's still up in the air) and I don't even want to tell her...I can't stand the verbal abuse I have to take to even talk to the woman. I considered e-mailing her with a note that we are moving, LOL...think it would work??

Originally Posted by slynn41072 View Post
We moved to Cary from Long Island ,NY 5 years ago(made a huge profit on our home). My single adult sister also moved with us for a new start. My younger brother(married) lives in Brooklyn. I have the only grandchildren.
Did or does anyone elses parents (mainly mom) throw a complete fit because "you left your family". My mom cannot handle that we moved. She picks fights all the time makes crazy statments " you couldn't hack it in NY". "you don't love your family" "why do you want to visit your friends, you didn't care about them since you moved". I know she is hurt that we moved, but do you think this is normal? How do you handle your parents? How did your parents and extended family handle you moving away?
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Old 11-19-2007, 09:04 AM
1,408 posts, read 7,376,676 times
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Originally Posted by slynn41072 View Post
Thanks for the opinions so far. My parents have never left NY and their parents grew up in NY and so on. My Dad had many opportunities to move throughout his career, but my mom would always hold him back.
They do come down for holidays, but it always ends up being the same old fight. My mother isn't happy unless you do what she says.When we go to visit its the same story. We also never got along when I lived on LI. If she didn't like what I was doing (choices) she would let me know about it over and over again. My mother is the queen of beating a dead horse.
My god slynn do we have the same mother? seriously, mine is the same way. my parents and one sister don't even know my dh and i are planning to move to NC (from mass) as soon as he finds a job. When dh and i got married we moved an hour and half from my parents. It took my mother 3 years to finally it through her head i wasn't returning. To this day she will still make little "comments" about my living 1.5 hours from them and some of my friends. If i complain about my friends only visiting a few times a year, she makes it a point to REMIND me I chose to move FAR away why should they be expected to make the trip to visit (you'd think i lived on another planet the way my mother talks).

Eventually it will stop. Just remember when you visit them, you get to leave and go home (far, far away) and vis versa.
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Old 11-19-2007, 11:26 AM
718 posts, read 2,708,098 times
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It is amazing to see that I am not the only one going through this. I find it sad that parents behave this way. I really think she thinks if she keeps it up she will guilt us into moving back. It hasn't worked in 5 years, she really needs to give it up.
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Old 11-19-2007, 12:10 PM
6,764 posts, read 19,701,561 times
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Oh yes, our family DID NOT want us to move from NY(yes another ex Long Islander) to Vermont. They thought it was another pipe dream (we have been trying to move 3 years but nothing worked out till late this summer).
My parents kept pushing us to move for over a year (we rented from them). When it actually went down, they were very childish...they acted like it was not going to happen...then the tears and 'worries' were expressed (we moved without jobs).

They don't call us too much. My mother will once a week and if I just have a normal conversation she 'has to go' after five minutes. My dad just says 'wait till it snows...' (negative..). If we say how we like it better here (good schools or whatever) it's blown off.

When we lived there no one did a darn thing to 'help us' like many parents do. I keep remembering how I had to trudge in the rain to my son's school for appointments or have a neighbor drive me when he missed the bus (despite my parents having 2 cars and not lending me one). They'd lend a friend a car but not ME!!

You have to live your dream and not worry about what others think. It's their limitations holding them back, don't let them hold your life up. Sorry to say it's better for some not to live near family
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Old 11-19-2007, 01:15 PM
28,117 posts, read 39,697,834 times
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Your mother sounds like a total control freak. I went through this for awhile and finally just said, "If this is what it's going to be like every time I'm around you, don't plan on seeing me anymore." It took a few missed get-togethers and a couple of holidays, but the message got through loud and clear. Things are much more pleasant now.
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Old 11-19-2007, 01:31 PM
1,408 posts, read 7,376,676 times
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slynn and everyone else it looks like i'm gonna need all the positive vipes i can get cause hubby just emailed me to say he got a job offer. a very good job offer (promotion, 20% increase in pay, relocation assistance). All great and wonderful and i'm extremely excited except for one tiny, itty bitty thing if he accepts this job offer we (I) have to tell my parents we're moving. Oh and let me tell you it's not gonna be a pretty site and to top it all off with a cherry thanksgiving is thursday and then we enter the holiday (christmas) season. Merry christmas mom and dad i'm moving 12 hours away!
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Old 11-19-2007, 02:36 PM
718 posts, read 2,708,098 times
Reputation: 307
surfingatwork, congrats on hubby's job offer. What part of NC? We are in Cary. Good luck telling the parents. Keep me updated as to how it goes down.
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