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Old 10-01-2013, 09:52 AM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,165 posts, read 8,689,130 times
Reputation: 6166

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Note: This is not me but someone who has come to me for advice. Kind of like - what would you do?
His decision is not yet made - at all. In fact, other than his wife, I am the only one who he told.

OK, everyone you know is in the same area. You live in a great place, own your home. You are both working (you and spouse). You have 2 children, 5 and 5 months. The grandmothers on both sides (both very young grandmothers - early 50's) take loving care of the children.

Basically, a village is raising these 2 lovely children. Everything is going great. All the families get along.

At your job, you have a small territory. You just were given the opportunity for a much larger territory in either same state - 5 hours away or another state. Your income could double or triple. Your wife would have to transfer with her job but not sure if openings are available.

Then, of course, the young children would be in school and/or day care, not with loving family members.

This is what I told him:
You are still young (30). It's money, yes but your family and the love around you is so important. I can just hear the cries when others hear of this. The children are happy, really happy and a lot of it is attributed to the love around them which I told him, is the most important.

I also asked him if it was his goal to be the major breadwinner where his wife would stay home. That was a "no" answer.

He's relatively new at this job and I asked him what would happen if he turned it down. He said - well, I'd just be where I am. The job is in an area where there is a lot of growth though and I told him just to be patient on this.

Anyone actually leave and move away from family for a job and how did it work out?

PS - They also have a wide variety of friends locally which equates to a great social network.
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Old 10-01-2013, 08:33 PM
 
18,852 posts, read 31,703,820 times
Reputation: 26111
Cut the cord. Your life is with your husband, not your family, or friends.
Children survive fine in daycare. Yes, it is nice to live close to family, but your husband supports your family, and holding back his career, so your kids can go see Grandparents every day, is not a good plan.

I would never do this. This seems selfish, short sighted, and immature to me. Maybe some people would see this as family value, I see it as holding back a man in his career.
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Old 10-01-2013, 10:16 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,165 posts, read 8,689,130 times
Reputation: 6166
Smile The grandparents

The grandparents take care of the children. No pay - just out of love. The children, especially the 5 year old, is the happiest, unspoiled child I've seen in a while. She is a sweetheart.

I know he asked me as he thinks of me as an aunt. He wanted to know what I would have done 25-30 years ago.

The happiest families I know today are the ones who placed their value on family time, maybe didn't have the most expensive home and lived within their means. They seem to be the ones whose children are making good choices - getting married themselves and starting their own families.

This young man is an only child - his parents are super people. My husband is also an only child. So, we talked about that aspect as well.

He has only been out of college 1 year and at this job about 9 months. He has a lot ahead of him. He has a good support system here and if they left, that would not exist. He would still want his wife to work.

Looking back on my own life, there were times I went with the money; I should have chosen family.

My view: Family first.

I wanted others' views though.

Thanks!
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Old 10-01-2013, 10:51 PM
 
Location: interior Alaska
4,476 posts, read 3,314,870 times
Reputation: 13767
5 hours really isn't that far.
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Old 10-05-2013, 12:16 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
15,024 posts, read 21,728,201 times
Reputation: 22191
I would look at the road map for his career. Is it one move? Or will this happen frequently? My BIL moved his family about once a year for ten years, with three young boys. He rose quickly to the top, and the family no longer moves, very happy where they are.

We have moved a couple of times with the kids. Once disastrous for the kids, this time, it was a great move for us. However we have no family close by and haven't made close friends yet. However, I really miss living close to family, especially for the kids.
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Old 10-07-2013, 03:12 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,612 posts, read 9,676,241 times
Reputation: 10950
[quote=jasper12;31637999]Cut the cord. Your life is with your husband, not your family, or friends.
Children survive fine in daycare. Yes, it is nice to live close to family, but your husband supports your family, and holding back his career, so your kids can go see Grandparents every day, is not a good plan.

I would never do this. This seems selfish, short sighted, and immature to me. Maybe some people would see this as family value, I see it as holding back a man in his career.[/quote]

I agree and it makes me think of my own growing up years. My dad moved us fairly often for his work/school. I don't think we ever lived more than 400 miles from 'home' though and it seems like we were here allll the time. Certainly for all the holidays and other 'important' family things. My dad, his sisters and parents were really close and spent a lot of time together. No matter where any of them lived they made it home often and there's no reason it can't still be done that way.

It might be 'inconvenient' to not have grandparents to babysit but if there's a substantial raise in pay it should be doable for daycare.
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Old 10-07-2013, 03:50 PM
 
Location: Dallas
5,601 posts, read 4,931,911 times
Reputation: 16459
I would not move. All the money in the world cannot buy the closeness of family and friends. Five hours away may not seem like much, but it's enough of a distance that would prevent day to day contact with them, and deciding to make a ten hour round trip would not be something you'd want to do with any regularity.
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Old 10-07-2013, 07:28 PM
 
Location: under the beautiful Carolina blue
16,784 posts, read 25,852,536 times
Reputation: 12703
Only he can decide what is best for him. It's a heart decision. In this day and age I would not be held back from making as much money as possible while young.

The whole thing about the 5 year old being so wonderful because of her grandparents - please. If the next one turns out to be a devil under the same conditions, then what? Let's let that silliness go.
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Old 10-10-2013, 09:46 AM
 
Location: Massachusetts
7,619 posts, read 11,460,310 times
Reputation: 6062
Would they be moving to a state that they would be okay with? How does the cost of living compare to where they are now? Would his new salary allow his wife to stay home and raise the children?
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Old 10-10-2013, 11:22 AM
 
Location: Location: Location
6,345 posts, read 7,824,201 times
Reputation: 18569
Yes, I did. My husband, now deceased, was transferred and I didn't hesitate. Bid goodbye to parents, family, friends and packed my bags. Best thing I ever did. We had struggled through two years of him being away from Mon to Fri and neither of us liked it.

When Mr. of the OP takes on his new job, he'll be doubling or tripling his income? Go. Mom can stay home until little one is full-time in school and then it's back to work. I had to work when my three oldest were small due to a failed marriage and I only realized how much I missed when the new hubs and I had our son and I was able to stay home.

Life is change. Hubs is now dead, all the children have remained in the area to which we moved, (despite being sure they would move back to the old home at the first opportunity.)
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