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I know NOTHING about your pain...but sure know that moving to a much more expensive place to live, higher cost of everything AND having to pay STATE taxes you do not pay now CAN'T help your situation much....WTH do you see as an "advantage" to moving to CA???!?!?!? Hon, there is an old saying "you can't go HOME" and what that means is when you do, DON'T expected it to be "everthing" it was when you lived there previously, but accept it for what it is NOW. Best of luck...I think you both need to find some peace within before you will find peace where you are planted...
I hate to hear about you being stuck at home without transportation. Do any of the Dallas burbs have "park and ride" like Houston? You would have to drop your husband in the morning and pick him up, but then you would have a car during the day.
Maybe your husband can carpool with another coworker, and you can share the other vehicle with the other family.
When we were younger with both kids at home, we worked different shifts to avoid having caretakers for the kids so you might need to consider that. It really worked out fine and both kids did great with this and are now adults. One income is tough just about anywhere. I thought the suggestion to consider taking in a couple of kids to babysit was a good one. Without extra money in the household, most places will all seem the same since the money for entertainment and recreation won't be there.
We have been moving around for 30 years and, sadly, no one place is going to have what you want. You have to decide what is most important to you and your family. In order to move again, you need to bring in extra income and get ahead. The idea of moving to S CA for "cousins" might not be all that since just because you are related, doesn't mean that you'll be the best of friends so I am agreeing that both you and the kids need to get out and make friends in the community.
The biggest issue appears to be that you need more income so either your husband needs to get a second job, which many people do, or you need to find a way to add some income yourself.
This actually reminds me of my husband's sisters situation in a lot of ways. They moved from TX to live near family in WA. They thought that living near the family, the family would "help them out" but the family gave them the number for social services. They struggled there for a number of years and then returned to TX. She had 4 children, girls, determined to have a boy but now is too old finally to have anymore children. They still struggle years later and they both work now.
Seriously, it appears the move to TX was not very well researched and that is a "must do" when relocating. Also, when you move from one location to another, your issues move with you more likely than not.
When we were younger with both kids at home, we worked different shifts to avoid having caretakers for the kids so you might need to consider that.
Or your husband can just work and you take care of EVERYTHING else. I mean the job he has now, a weekend job, fast food or anything, and a part time night job. An extra $300 a week would put you in a much better neighborhood and get you a second car. You would have to accept that he will never be around and everything else will be on you.
You're basically muddling through life without a plan (see: we have no money and we're having a semi-surprise baby). Stop letting life happen to you and start taking control of things. If you want to better your situation there are ways to make that happen. Really. If someone in your situation asked you for advice, what would you tell them? Would you tell them to keep on doing what they're doing because it's working?
I admire you for wanting to stay at home with your kids, but there is a point where it just isn't feasible, at least not full-time. You need both a short-term plan and a long-term one. Short term, can you either get a part-time job that would allow your husband to stay with the kids when he's off, or can your husband get a second job? Even if the job doesn't pay well, that extra income stream would make a huge difference and rather quickly to your financial quality of life. You could save up some money and figure out your next move.
Long-term, I think it's time for your husband to consider a career switch, or research areas of the country where his industry is booming, if there are any. However, and let me be clear, do not move again unless you have a job offer and some money saved in the bank, plus an idea as to the cost of living/transit options in the place where you're going. We relocated 500 miles away from our hometown one year ago (husband and me, no kids), and before we left, I made sure I knew everything I could about the cost of living, good areas to live, transit, etc.
You also sound a bit lonely and isolated. Are there any nearby Moms' groups/playgroups you could take your kids to and meet some other parents? Some friends can be so helpful, plus you never know when meeting someone could lead to a better opportunity for your husband/family.
The situation isn't hopeless -- you have a chance to create a happy family situation for your own children unlike what you had, but you just have to be willing to form some plans and see them through. Best of luck.
It seems clear to me what you need to do - find a way to bring in more money. Could you provide daycare in your home for a couple of kids? I assume your husband works week days so what about a job for you at night and on the weekends? You could stay home with kids during the day and your husband could be with them at night. You could clean houses, get a job waiting tables, something, anything to bring in enough money so you could get a nicer safer place to live and afford another car. I don't see any other magical solution - you are going to have to work.
Lots of good advice here. I'll throw in my $.02 in case it is helpful.
Really your situation is very simple. You have two choices. You can either stop wanting what you can't have or get the $s to get what you want. Either way you will be happier.
If you really want to stay home then stop wanting what you can't have. Be happy that you can stay home with your kids, that you have food and stop pining after a better house or another car (or more kids). If it isn't in you to live at that level then increase your means. Stop having kids since you can't afford them. Stop staying at home since you can't afford it. Get a job.
Moving about hoping that all of a sudden husband's marketability will increase is not a viable path. You made a try at it and found that it wasn't so. He isn't in a high enough paid profession for you. If you want to live better your going to have to get some skills and get a high paid career. Then husband can stay home with the kids if you feel strongly about having a parent at home with them.
I don't suggest working husband to death in three jobs. I have relatives that did that. It was better when the family put husband into the military. At least then he had reasonable hours, good healthcare, opportunities for advancement and is building toward retirement. They move alot and don't see hubby when deployed but the husband is much happier and gets alot more rest than he did working a day job, delivering papers in the morning and working as a waiter at night. Working three jobs is way harder than being in the military. If he is not going to see the family anyways might as well get benefits and retirement to.
Edit: I wanted to add that your original post is uncommonly well written. You are obviously intelligent and have a good education. You can find a career that pays well. http://www.myplan.com/careers/top-te...est-paying.php
2 small children with one (semi-unexpectedly) on the way will do that.
You need to both get snipped.
I know it sounds mean and/or judgmental, but this ^^^ .
I think SO many problems would be solved if people realized that if they can't afford a first child or another child (as, OP, you clearly could not), they should do absolutely everything in their power to NOT HAVE ONE. I'm not saying poor people should never have kids -- I know that circumstances change, e.g. sometimes you CAN afford one but then you lose your job or whatever. But when it is really really clear that you can barely afford the kids you ALREADY have, why, why, why have another one? I am just flabbergasted.
And to the poster who said something to the effect that "at least they're raising them right" because the mother isn't working -- yes, it's great to raise kids when you are barely scraping by, and it's great to put ALL the burden on the husband to support an unintentionally-growing family.
The initial move seems to have been made with little to no research. Done deal. Time to move forward but one step at a time with a goal in mind.
As far as cost of living in Dallas is concerned - it depends on what you need and want and where you shop. Grocery shopping may turn into a weekend outing with one car but it can be fun. Aldi, HMart, Fiesta are just a few of the very reasonable options. Even Sprouts if you stick to the weekly specials which always include fruit/veggies/cheese. Even easier - take the Wednesday sales adds (I print Sprouts) to WalMart to price match. Albertsons has very good meat prices and the sales price applies to fresh cut items at the meat counter as well as the pre-packaged ones. Make a weekly menu. Pack lunch for your husband.
There is no need for a/c from October until late spring. Check windows and doors for leaks. Contact your landlord about them.
Is homeschooling really the perfect solution for your children? How much interaction with peers and older children/adults outside your small family do they have? How old are they?
To get on your feet it may be an option for you to find p/t work after your husband gets home. Not an ideal situation but it might make a difference. What job skills can you market?
What does your husband do for a living? Can he add hours? Has he applied for other jobs?
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