U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > General Moving Issues
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Old 12-12-2013, 12:21 AM
Location: Global
24 posts, read 122,487 times
Reputation: 43


We can be very excited about moving, we might be sad, we can get intimidated, or experience a range of emotions. We might even find ourselves lonely, packing our favorite CDs in the middle of the evening or trying to move things out of the garage hoping nobody wakes up. Well, stay calm, right? Great theory and it is a bit more challenging to do in practice because we are moving around physically and emotionally. How do we really move on? We move on from within.

The Party Cure

I found a simple cure that will help you sort the above in little time and bring even more emotional and physical stability. I call it the ritual of closure, an organized moment or event that you organize and trigger and should come as soon as you know when, were, and how you are moving way before you begin packing. You ran a marathon and you have reached a finishing line; it is time to celebrate that, regardless of how you evaluate yourself in ranking. Perhaps you feel that you came out last or third or the best in that period of your life.

Remember that you did the best you could with what you had and what you knew during that time. Celebrate that on the map of your life and leave a mental mark in that city. If you feel now you’ve lost, well, give yourself credit for getting on with life and be your best friend. If you feel you’ve won, boost yourself with compliments. I guarantee you, in both cases you’ve won, in the first, it just takes a bit longer to see that. Stay jolly and capitalize on the good, the health, the love, and the wealth!

A story in perspective...

Singh was stationed in Tucson for three years and lived a very rewarding life. He then got that fantastic job he dreamed of and moved to the private sector, and tripled his annual income! He later on confided that he really regrets leaving, literally overnight, without saying goodbye. Digging in a bit deeper, Singh told me he was working very hard to get those extra qualifications, putting in all his weekends, he felt he had not been socializing that much and did not make that many new friends as work was just too hectic.

His departure was communicated to those around him after he had left. He wrote a short good-bye email and he was shocked to find a few days later a rain of emails from people telling him how they missed him and wish they had had a chance to say goodbye. Colleagues from other departments thought he might be missing. Singh was a bit flaky at that moment and he panicked. He tells me he still feels guilty about that and there are so many people he wants to get in touch with for professional reasons and feels too embarrassed to do so. He did burn some bridges, most of which he regrets.

Should that happen with you for practical or emotional reasons, go back to those people who really count and give them a personal call inviting this relationship to last even if you are 1,000 miles away. Summer is just around the corner, and believe me the world is so, so small!

It can be a good idea to organizing this event much prior to your departure as some gifts are massive and who can throw away wonderful bouquets or gulp down two pounds of chocolates overnight? It is the greatest time to receive attention and release feelings, memories, and announce your plans. It is exactly what everyone else is doing and you will feel less noticed. A colleague pops up and reminds you of events you have forgotten or a neighbor reminds you of yourself when you first got there.

You can also test, on these occasions, the waters of your relationships. People I had never noticed care for me, showed up and expressed they do and this was a wake-up call to see who invests in this friendship or family ties. This is also a time to get some more professional feedback for your work performances by our colleagues, as we cannot be taken for granted any more. When you share with people what are you up to, it is easy to find future teammates for your projects.

Samantha went exotic and her party got her colleagues

When Samantha left her day job to go to Morocco and begin her hotel business, which she had been consciously and unconsciously planning for six months, she focused on changing a hurtful event into an opportunity along the way. I would describe her case as something between quitting and getting fired. She could not bear her working conditions anymore and her stingy boss would always steal her projects, never recognize her work, and most of all, she never got remunerated for all that extra work and extra hours. Her boss was very despotic and it was the wrong kind of company to work for.

When things came to an end, Samantha felt tremendous rejection. It took her a while to understand that it is a systemic rejection. She is so darn good at work she outgrew that company. She had been planning to leave and she began getting invaded by all kinds of insecurities, especially that of providing for her family as a single mother of three. She then began to turn her planning into plans and spent a good three months to get everything ready.

At her professional good-bye party, she decided to focus on those amazing contacts she has and invited them to admire how she had spent some months pulling everything together to begin her business abroad and create a great portfolio, which she shared at her party. She found some of her future staff and investors in her good-bye party. I can tell you so many people wish they had her guts!

Kids and Parties!!!

A ritual of closure can be expressed in many ways and this should be for every member in your family. Last year, my daughter came back from school informing that she also wanted a good-bye party. She helped understand that, as adaptable as children are, they also need some formal closure. They also have a life map. She never shed a tear in our last relocation. Yes, dependents need closing rituals. On the menu, she had sweets, candy, plenty of refreshments and party favours, and she paid for it. I also matched her budget for those cool extras parents can afford. She got plenty of attention and lots of reassurance. She called it her three month early birthday party! We all need that attention at these critical moments and there are many hidden benefits. I dare you to try to discover those and combine them with your future goals. Remember Samantha? She made it very, very well.

A ritual of closure can be expressed in many ways and in the ways that suit your life-style and moods. An all-time favourite is the good-bye party at home or at a place where one of your favourite group activities occurred—the golf-club, a religious assembly place, your home, your parent’s home, a bar, a restaurant, a park, or an office space. I always do mine at home, at the office, and at church to get that massive attention and, I’ll admit, I really like it. It’s like extra springs on a spring-board. It gets me even further.

With all that crops up, you might ask someone dear to either host your gathering, or halve the work needed. You can, of course, delegate that to a professional. A good bet is to have that done by the hospitality industry. I find that centrally located hotels can do it quite well. It’s a good excuse to splurge! Close things with grace and grace will accompany and welcome you at your new destination. The parties can go on; you definitely should throw a welcome party! Build wealth inside and all follows.

See, growth is physical and emotional. More often than not, we simply focus on getting things done, shipping our belongings and sorting out technical details. Our souls and our spirits are also very, very technical and very delicate parts of us. They influence and are influenced by our bodies and keeping a strong spirit is fuel for your life engine. The will and the strength from inside can empower the weakest bodies.

Allow yourself to process feelings and explore the types of rituals that work the best for you. Some rituals are public so we can share with all those we care and care about us, while others are more private. I have a few amazing cheesy songs under my sleeves and, wow, they get me going through challenges. God bless song writers! Health, joy, and wealth always hold hands. Keep working with your three best friends and miracles unfold in your life!

Are you thinking about a goodbye party? Where would you most likely hold it home, work, a bar, a favorite activity spot, a friend's house?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Old 12-12-2013, 03:32 PM
Location: Cushing OK
14,547 posts, read 17,469,879 times
Reputation: 16765
I moved near someone's birthday and there was a family party. It was odd thinking I wouldn't be going to the rest, but this was one of those moves you just knew was destined and good even if anyone else at first didn't see that. It was nice to see them all one last time.

As far as those plans to come back and visit, don't be so sure. I did months after for Thanksgiving, and haven't since. It's a long trip (I'll take the train by NOT fly) and there's the pets and mostly its where I lived, not where I live. I've let it go as memories and don't feel like I belong to it anymore. And I felt that even a few months after I left.

Most of my old friends were already scattered and cell phones work in all the states.

Beautiful post and a wonderful reminder that part of moving on is having something old end and something new begin.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-13-2013, 01:55 AM
Location: Global
24 posts, read 122,487 times
Reputation: 43
Originally Posted by nightbird47 View Post
Beautiful post and a wonderful reminder that part of moving on is having something old end and something new begin.
Thank you nightbird. It really feels strage saying goodbye. The disconnecting from the past is a good thing to do, we do forget over time slowly or even quickly. Maybe it's also good to remember to connect with the most important people, who we love or might need. I'm really into keeping bridges going in life.

In my past destination, it was not a good fit and believe me, I have kept contact with none. I have more contact with people from the move before, 10 years ago, some of the best people I've ever met. I also saw how a goodbye party helped me daughter of 10 get used to big changes and living somewhere else...

Cheers to all!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-13-2013, 04:59 AM
7,496 posts, read 9,714,122 times
Reputation: 7394
If I ever had a goodbye party, it'd be just to remind myself of how few people would actually show up and that these people if nothing else, do not pull friction on my plans to move away lol.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.

Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > General Moving Issues
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top