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Old 01-03-2014, 08:31 AM
 
1,915 posts, read 2,040,797 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrRational View Post
Long story short... there are two basic types of moves:
1) Something real and substantial to go to.
2) Something to get away from

The first type tends to work out better.
THIS. Unless it is (1) above, stick to the devils you know.
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Old 01-03-2014, 08:33 AM
 
1,915 posts, read 2,040,797 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by james777 View Post
There is a third type of move. It is called "the grass is greener on the other side". It is when you are not trying to run away from what you have, and you have nothing set up to go to. I recognize it as I have experienced it most of my life. This is what I see happening here. It is not just a midlife crisis; it can happen at any stage in life when one thinks that a more exciting life is out there SOMEWHERE, not just better job opportunities. Unless you are in a high demand field, have a trust fund, or are independently wealthy, this is a very dangerous way to think in the year 2014. To act this way back in the 1960's when jobs were plentiful everywhere, no problem.

There are two clues here that tell us that you have a good employment opportunity right now, you make more than others doing the same job in other places, and your boss needs a six month notice. If I were you I wouldn't move unless a good employment opportunity came along where I wanted to be, unless you have the money to survive without working, or are in that very high demand field.

You will feel a lot better if you take vacations, short or long, to interesting places you want to visit. It may open your eyes to new opportunities, or it may just make you appreciate how good you have it where you are. Either way it will add a lot to your life that you are not experiencing now and will make you feel better about what you have.
THis third type of move, in my honest opinion, is almost always a mistake.
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Old 01-03-2014, 08:57 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,068 posts, read 8,340,519 times
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I think you should stay put and use your money to travel and have fun with. Especially if you moved when you were younger and found yourself always coming back to where you started. I would have different advice if you never lived anywhere else or if you had a specific place in mind you always dreamed of moving to. I moved when I was 26 to try something different. I loved living in a big city and working downtown and having my own apartment close to where a lot of things were happening. But it was so expensive to live there that even making okay money I never had money to do anything to enjoy myself. I ended up moving back home where my family is and a cheaper cost of living. No, day to day life is not thrilling here, BUT I'd rather have a mundane day to day and be able to afford going on trips and doing other fun things with my money. My point is you might really miss your stable good paying job if you let it go.
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Old 01-03-2014, 09:02 AM
 
912 posts, read 1,246,234 times
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After 11 years in your job, a lifetime in your hometown and a divorce, it sounds like you're feeling restless. Which is completely understandable, but as others have said, a move is not necessarily the solution. Start off by taking lots of trips to varied parts of the country, and see what appeals to you. If you find an area you like, then start looking at available jobs and cost of living, then see what unfolds. Do not move without a concrete plan, and do not act hastily.

Also, should you ever decide to quit your job, your boss doesn't get six months of notice. I worked at a relatively small company where I was also the only person who knew how to do my job. I gave them a month's notice as a courtesy, as that was when my husband's relocation was officially finalized, but wouldn't have done any more than that.
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Old 01-03-2014, 10:03 AM
 
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
8,367 posts, read 8,570,529 times
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No offense, but just living in "Sparks, NV" sounds like reason enuff to move! Although as others have noted, what other areas call to you?
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Old 01-03-2014, 10:15 AM
 
5,678 posts, read 5,910,986 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TXred View Post
I'll try to make this as brief as possible. I am really struggling with a decision to move. I've lived in the same town for 40 years (except for three short move stints in my 20s where I always came back homesick). When I was in my 30s I daydreamed about places to move to, starting a new life somewhere, struggling with what to do with my life. I got married and for about 10 years was pretty content. Other than some brief discussions about future possible moves, we were settled in and rooted here and everything was great. Then the divorce comes and I find myself single again, and the same old thing. Daydreaming of moving away, starting fresh. The first part of my daydreams came from the desire to escape, or basically run away from my anger over the divorce. I got over that, then had a desire to move out of sheer thrill or just a change of pace and gave notice last year then chickened out again and stayed. After only a couple months of deciding to stay, I realized I still had, or had again, a yearning to move away.

Now the difference between now and my 20s is I've had my current job for 11 years. I did obtain my bachelor's last year so I am more marketable job wise, but overall I feel like I make on average 30-50% more at my current job than is advertised for my job in a majority of cities. That might seem like an obvious answer, why would I take a pay cut, but how do I get rid of the desire to move somewhere and start over so bad???

I guess my fear is if I move, and am miserable, or realize I made a huge mistake, I'm afraid of the potential depression that may come from that. If I leave I cannot come back to my job. But if I stay, I'm afraid I will continue to waste my life away thinking about what could have been.

The other major problem is my boss has asked I give him six months notice. I know this seems ridiculous, but we are a small company and I really am the only one who knows how to do my job, and it encompasses so much that it would take a good three months to thoroughly train someone to be on their own. Yes, I understand this is poor business practice as far as my boss is concerned, but that's not what I want to focus on. The problem is I cannot apply for jobs before I give notice, like most people would obtain a job first, then give two weeks' notice. I would have to give notice, then start looking for jobs from out of state when I have a month or so left, or wait and move then get a job.

I would of course have money saved up to live on...and the possibility of me failing at finding a job is very low, although it may not pay as well. So of course I've done all the pro and cons lists I can think of and it just doesn't help. And I think of special fun things I can get myself, or do such as travel more, etc. to feel more content here, but the nagging feeling of wanting to move won't go away.

Then I read threads on here about people who've moved away and are miserable, or they move and move back to where they came from because they made a mistake. Of course I could always move back here, but again, I will be giving up this great paying job that I will not get back nor could I get a new job making that amount. But then I read about people who have "corporate" lives, making tons of money, and they give it all up to move to an island or a small town for their mental health. So it's not like staying at the better paying job is the ultimate answer.

I know I'm rambling...I don't know if this is considered a mid-life crisis, or normal or ??? I guess hearing some experiences from others who have followed their gut and moved and are happy, or not even would really help. And if I do stay, how do I get over the yearning to leave?

Thanks for reading!!!
I understand how you feel. I gave up a great paying job that I hated to relocate. I am not going to lie; it has been difficult. I had specific plans and it did not work. I even thought of relocating again. I visited another state to determine if I should try again. I had some low points but I never once thought of going back to my home state. I made good money but it was not enough to lead the type of lifestyle I wanted. The trip I took really put things in to prospective for me. Relocating is not going to take away all of the internal demons we struggle with. Everything is shiny and new for a few months but reality always sets in and life goes back to normal. Also, anything worth having is not cheap. Do not get caught up in the lower cost of living sell. If it is nice, it will cost you. The dilemma is to find a job that will pay you enough to lead the type of lifestyle that you want and also save for retirement.

It has been almost a year and I decided to stay. I now realize that I made the right decision. This place solves something that is tangible. It allows me to lead a pedestrian lifestyle. I can walk to EVERYTHING. Despite the high salary I made back home, I could not afford to live in this type of neighborhood. There is no happiness in that.

I am not sure if traveling will help you. I did a lot of traveling and I always felt worse when I came back home. Perhaps you need to develop some sort of skill to help you out of your rut. I think activities help. I've recently started working out and I just enrolled in swimming lessons. I am really excited about it.

I can not advise you whether or not to stay. It is a huge risk with no guarantees. You need to access what is most important to you and take it from there. Good luck!
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Old 01-03-2014, 10:33 AM
 
Location: TOVCCA
8,452 posts, read 11,382,520 times
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I think there is a 4th kind of move, which is not running toward, running away from, nor the grass-is-greener thing. It is being completely "done" with the place you're living in; there's a sense of completion, the end of a cycle.

Even though you may have it "good," you feel something inside has shifted; although you could stay put forever, it would be unchallenging. When this feeling overtakes you, you have nothing to lose by moving---not a job, not money, because that life feels dead to you.
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Old 01-03-2014, 10:52 AM
 
Location: Over here
281 posts, read 537,561 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nightlysparrow View Post
I think there is a 4th kind of move, which is not running toward, running away from, nor the grass-is-greener thing. It is being completely "done" with the place you're living in; there's a sense of completion, the end of a cycle.

Even though you may have it "good," you feel something inside has shifted; although you could stay put forever, it would be unchallenging. When this feeling overtakes you, you have nothing to lose by moving---not a job, not money, because that life feels dead to you.
Thank you sparrow...^ is exactly how I feel right now!

And thanks to everyone else!!! I really appreciate the advice..James, you make a very good point. And as others have said yes it's probably due to the divorce and restlessness. Yes I have traveled and I thought I had a place I really wanted to go, where I have some family, Dallas. But over time I have questioned my reasoning...and whether I can deal with the heat, traffic, etc. Yes, Sparks is boring, but comfortable. But it's a stagnant comfort, whenever my reasonable side kicks in and I think of staying I instantly get depressed because I feel like now I have nothing to "look forward to". I've considered other places, Seattle, San Francisco..have never even been to the East Coast and am thinking it would be fun to completely uproot myself and head that direction.

I have no family here, no kids either. I don't own a home and yes, I will still give my boss six months notice because we are like family and we have discussed it over the past couple of years and I made that comitment to him and I don't break those kinds of things. I don't burn bridges and I will need him and others here as a reference.

I also have traveled before and came back home loving it here...realizing how great it is here due to low traffic, easy airport, etc. I always love coming back home, except for a couple times I went to Dallas and was excited about my move there.

Sometimes I feel like maybe I just need to "get a life" which doesn't involve relocating. Maybe I'm using that as my only sense of interest because I haven't found anything else. Maybe I should wander over to the mental health forum

Thanks for everyone's input!!!
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Old 01-03-2014, 10:59 AM
 
10,604 posts, read 14,150,780 times
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Stay put. You're still saying "start over". That's a clue.

My impression is you're the type of person who appreciates the security. I would NEVER give up 11 years at a company just because I thought I was missing something in this economy. And my personality is a risk taker, I moved to Europe once and other states, too. I spent FOUR MONTHS in the Eu country for FIVE YEARS straight every single year...but after I MOVED there I hated it. LOL Even the toilet paper annoyed me!

Travel. And when you do, look at it with a critical eye, not just "oh it's so pretty". Or scale your existing life down expense wise so you can do a bunch of things you can't do now, like this travel thing.

I'd examine what I'm doing where I am, happy to make 50% more. For example, most people would say something about missing friends and family if they moved away but you didn't . Just an observation.

Good luck, though. At least pick somewhere that the weather is your dream climate. Or the city is your dream city like say...somewhere with alot of theater or something you LOVE.

WHAT do you LOVE? hmmmm....
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Old 01-03-2014, 12:13 PM
 
5,678 posts, read 5,910,986 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TXred View Post
Thank you sparrow...^ is exactly how I feel right now!

And thanks to everyone else!!! I really appreciate the advice..James, you make a very good point. And as others have said yes it's probably due to the divorce and restlessness. Yes I have traveled and I thought I had a place I really wanted to go, where I have some family, Dallas. But over time I have questioned my reasoning...and whether I can deal with the heat, traffic, etc. Yes, Sparks is boring, but comfortable. But it's a stagnant comfort, whenever my reasonable side kicks in and I think of staying I instantly get depressed because I feel like now I have nothing to "look forward to". I've considered other places, Seattle, San Francisco..have never even been to the East Coast and am thinking it would be fun to completely uproot myself and head that direction.

I have no family here, no kids either. I don't own a home and yes, I will still give my boss six months notice because we are like family and we have discussed it over the past couple of years and I made that comitment to him and I don't break those kinds of things. I don't burn bridges and I will need him and others here as a reference.

I also have traveled before and came back home loving it here...realizing how great it is here due to low traffic, easy airport, etc. I always love coming back home, except for a couple times I went to Dallas and was excited about my move there.

Sometimes I feel like maybe I just need to "get a life" which doesn't involve relocating. Maybe I'm using that as my only sense of interest because I haven't found anything else. Maybe I should wander over to the mental health forum

Thanks for everyone's input!!!
You do not need to go to the mental health forum. You just need to get a life.
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