How to get over being homesick? (relocate, jobs, school, move back)
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Hi,
I'm 21 years old and am about to move across the country away from all of my friends and family for a dream job that I have been working so hard for. I haven't even moved yet (I move tomorrow) and I already miss them. I have two brothers that I am extremely close too and it kills me to know that I'm leaving that and won't see them much at all. My house as well. I'm so used to this stuff but I can't just shake this off and grow up, it's tough. How can I get over it and not be depressed and miss them?
Location: The edge of the world and all of Western civilization
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I take it this is your first time away from home? That will probably make it harder, to put it bluntly. It's hard to say how you'll react, because everyone is different, but homesickness will be inevitable. How frequently you feel it, and how severe it will be you won't know until it happens. I've had to relocate several times, and some places were easier to adjust to than others. I had to move to OKC and absolutely loathe it here, but one thing that gets me through is knowing that I can leave. I wish I could give you better advice, but I can't based on experience. The best I can say is that you should explore things that work for you when you get there, and above all: you can always leave if it doesn't work, and you'll have experience, growth and knowledge in the end.
Give yourself a time limit, say one year, for how long you have to give it a try, and then if you're still unhappy, you can move back. This gives you incentive to try to at least figure out how to enjoy a year where you are going, but it also gives you permission to go back home, if you are still unhappy after giving it the All American try.
Get online for meet-ups where you are moving to, and go to them, so you can meet people and have some fun.
True! Thank you both for the advice. This is indeed, my first time away from home and living on my own. Luckily technology is the way that it is and we can chat online... could minimize the damage I suppose, but I'll set that 1 year time frame and see how it goes, my family always told me I'm always able to come home and leave whenever I want if I don't like it.
You're a young person moving out and trying on life. This is as it should be. Remember, the friends you are leaving are the friends of your high school and childhood years. There is no guarantee that they are going to stay in your home town. Some may, some may move away eventually too.
Those that marry & begin to have children will gradually drift away from their single friends as the focus of their lives change. Your brothers may move too, for marriage, jobs, etc. Life is change.
Keep in touch with friends and family via Skype, etc. But let yourself be open to your new place. Every week, drive aimlessly around in a different direction. Learn the region where you live this way. Familiarity breeds comfort. When it becomes familiar, it's not so strange.
As other have noted, get out and meet people, get to activities, keep busy. Try on lots of different things to do until you find some you like. Put a little money aside as often as you can for a travel account so you can get to your home town once a year or so. Invite your family to come visit you.
But most of all, seek to make new friends, the friends of your adult years. If you can stay friends with some of your childhood friends that is all well and good. But let yourself be open to more friends. Good luck- this will be an adventure for you. Don't look back- look forward, dreams you have for your life don't come true by looking in a rear view mirror..
Location: The edge of the world and all of Western civilization
984 posts, read 1,191,283 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by willow wind
You're a young person moving out and trying on life. This is as it should be. Remember, the friends you are leaving are the friends of your high school and childhood years. There is no guarantee that they are going to stay in your home town. Some may, some may move away eventually too.
Those that marry & begin to have children will gradually drift away from their single friends as the focus of their lives change. Your brothers may move too, for marriage, jobs, etc. Life is change.
Quote:
Originally Posted by aajohnny
True! Thank you both for the advice. This is indeed, my first time away from home and living on my own. Luckily technology is the way that it is and we can chat online... could minimize the damage I suppose, but I'll set that 1 year time frame and see how it goes, my family always told me I'm always able to come home and leave whenever I want if I don't like it.
The part of willow wind I quoted is dead-on. Even if you stayed home that is likely to happen. When I moved to Asia and came back, I fell out of touch with people I knew before moving there. The reason is fairly simple to understand:
Imagine your life as a continuous line. A lot of people will be synched to your line as well. A major change will happen that diverts its course and others' lines won't by synched anymore (though you won't know whose immediately). Should you move back home you'll find that you grew in one way and they grew in another. The main thing is to not get upset about it, because it can be hurtful if you don't understand why it happened.
Like I said, everyone is different and you seem like me in at least one regard: it helps to keep in mind that you don't have to stay. In Asia I knew I could wait out or renew my 1-year contract. There were times it got aggravating, sure, but I knew that it was never permanent. Another thing to keep in mind is that once it happens, you won't be guessing anymore. I was tempted to take a job in Russia, because I always wanted to visit. I took a vacation to Moscow and I absolutely hated it and was glad I didn't move there. Though that was the worst vacation of my life, I don't regret it because now I know. If I hadn't gone, I would still want to go.
Try to be attuned to your emotions and mental state too. I came across something the Department of State put out for people living abroad (though it can easily apply to people moving to new states too) and it said something like when the experience isn't pleasurable and every little thing about the place irks you, then it's time to go. It's no fault of your own, but it means you need to look into leaving. The only other advice I think I can share is to try to remember home the way it really was, don't romanticize it. The latter is easy to do.
Try to look at the one year as a one year commitment only. Do all the touristy things at your new location and take day trips to nearby areas. Go out and meet people. One year will go by fast and even if you decide to move back you will have an experience not many people ever have. A chance to live in a different part of the country. So many people never get the experience to travel or see the country. You will be homesick. I found it was better for me if I limited phone calls back home to a certain day a week. If I called everyday it just made me more homesick. Your family will always love you no matter where you are. I lost some friends when I moved but my really good friends have been friends with me through a move away from home, a move back and a move away again.
My adult children left home and stayed away. I think the key was they found jobs in places where they wanted to live. And we have always kept in touch.
The new place will have surprises. Be prepared. But there are strengths in almost all metro areas, if you are moving to a metro area, and you can usually find folks you want to be with in most places.
I think that some of us are more susceptible to homesickness than others. I am not too prone to it, but I know many others are. After my move from my lifetime home in 2012, I simply carry the hometown around in my heart. But it is easier when your family is in the place you are moving to, and that is not your case.
Try to make friends early on. Really get yourself out there. And work hard and well at your job. You can go back home, if you can find a job there. But maybe you are meant to live elsewhere. You can't know until you stretch your wings.
Hi,
I'm 21 years old and am about to move across the country away from all of my friends and family for a dream job that I have been working so hard for. I haven't even moved yet (I move tomorrow) and I already miss them. I have two brothers that I am extremely close too and it kills me to know that I'm leaving that and won't see them much at all. My house as well. I'm so used to this stuff but I can't just shake this off and grow up, it's tough. How can I get over it and not be depressed and miss them?
Get over homesickness by getting involved in any social activities you can in your new town. Look at this as an adventure. Give yourself a year and then decide what you want to do.
Great feedback. I have this really weird feeling and imagining myself not home and everyone not seeing me there. Like my little brother (18 years old) He looks up to me and we hang out a lot and now I won't be there, and he'll look over and I wont' be there. We shared the same room and everything too. Luckily my older brother still is home and they can hang out and everything. Me and my brothers would always drive around and get food and talk, I'll miss that :/
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