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Old 11-29-2007, 05:39 PM
 
152 posts, read 628,593 times
Reputation: 101

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So my wife and I can't seem to agree on where we want to live. We both grew up in California, but currently live in a different state with our two small children. She thinks California weather is ideal, but I prefer seasons. She would like to live semi-close to her family (within a days drive), but I would rather not , as bad as that sounds.

As far as employment concerns, we both have Masters degrees and work in finance, so we can pretty much find jobs anywhere with a population over 80,000.

I feel that the world is our oyster, but she doesn't want to stray too far from her family. The problem is that they drive me absolutely nuts anyways, so I'd rather just see them on major holidays.

I realize the home life is much better with a happy wife. Am I just being a selfish jerk?
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Old 11-29-2007, 07:19 PM
 
Location: Lovelock, NV - Anchorage, AK
1,197 posts, read 3,784,289 times
Reputation: 440
Yikes your in a tough spot, my daughter live is the same town as us her mom and dad, she is over every weekend with my grandkids I love my daughter and my grandkids dearly but this is way too close.

My husband and I will be relocating and unfortunately we will be a 6 hours flight from my kids and grandkids, but a days drive from all other family members.

Life can be very good around grandparents especially when you want to get away for a brief vacation you can leave the young ones with them.

And your absolutely correct, life is much better when the wife is happy.

Last edited by Tressa; 11-29-2007 at 07:20 PM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 11-29-2007, 09:01 PM
 
1,729 posts, read 172,070 times
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... just curious, but where is your family? I had a similar situation - my husband's family (I couldn't stand) lived nearby on the east coast; my family on the west.

Anyhow, here is what I wanted to say ... sometimes the way to break through someone's inertia about moving is to introduce them to a very concrete alternative.

To give an example (this first one not so much location based) ... When I first met my husband he didn't want to leave his very, very tiny house (1100 square feet on a good day). One weekend we went to a few open houses and when we walked into one gorgeous house with wonderful windows and light, he started saying "oh, this is good, but I'd want the laundry HERE instead". I knew we were on our way.

So if you could sort of find exactly what *you* want as an ideal, and then find a way to introduce her to this ... then you might break through her resistance about moving. Show her a very specific house in a very specific neighborhood (if only on the computer) and go from there ...

Beyond that, I just think it is unfair to live near one person's family and not necessarily near the other's family. I guess, and I'm not sure about this, but I guess if you are near one person's family and it is not entirely happy for everyone, then it seems more fair to live somewhere entirely neutral (i.e. not near anyone's family). This is obviously not a hard and fast rule, just a thought off the top of my head.
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Old 11-30-2007, 08:07 PM
 
Location: Austin, Texas
527 posts, read 1,082,655 times
Reputation: 323
El Capitan,

It is a hard to suggest the best place for your family when you haven't said where you are now. I would say since your wife wants to be near family in California you could move back and make sure you are on the opposite side of the state. California is a big state; you could be hours away from family yet still not have to get on a plane to see them. My suggestion, if you want more of a season, is to choose Northern Cal. or perhaps Oregon or Seattle. You would still be in within driving distance, but far enough from them that it would not be convenient. Hopefully you can find somewhere that is a compromise between what you want and what your wife wants. Either way do what is right for your family, the in-laws will have to adjust.
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