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Old 03-11-2014, 12:11 PM
 
754 posts, read 860,022 times
Reputation: 961

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I have a dilemma - my lease is currently up at the end of the month and am currently unemployed. Recently, my job prospects have improved and have several potential job opportunities which could lead to a new job in the next month.

My original plan was to go back to California at the end of the month and stay with family where rent is free and continue my job search. But now that things are looking promising (at least for the moment), I am reconsidering my decision. I would hate to leave only to return in a month's time to start a new job.

I have a friend who has asked how he can help me several times. He fully understands my dilemma and has the means to invite me to stay with him but hasn't. I am considering just coming out and asking if I could stay with him for 2 weeks to a month at most but am reluctant to do so. My feeling is that "help" can mean many things and can just be a polite way of being supportive w/o actually offering any real assistance. I feel that given he knows my situation, he would have just asked if I wanted to stay with him. Being that he hasn't tells me that is an option that's not on the table.

Should I just ask? Or should I just figure something else out? I hate asking and know that will put him in an uncomfortable position should he not want to have me stay with him. But he has offered to help but who knows what that means. I still feel that he would have offered given that I have explained my predicament to him.
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Old 03-11-2014, 12:28 PM
 
Location: Texas or Cascais, Portugal
3,402 posts, read 3,160,372 times
Reputation: 8232
Don't. I have had long time friends stay with me and on both occasions it was a major strain on the friendship. Having learned that lesson, I had another friend ask to stay with me for a couple of months during a job relocation. I told him that although I wished I could help, it was not a good time for us to have a houseguest. I thought he would understand but he was quite offended. No regrets. No matter how good a friend and how "low maintenance" you believe yourself to be, it is an inposition. The fact that he hasn't offered should be all you need to know. Best of luck.
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Old 03-11-2014, 12:32 PM
 
9,737 posts, read 16,875,887 times
Reputation: 18313
^^^ I agree with this. You can always drop the "my lease is up, so I've got to go back to Cali because I don't have anyplace to stay" line. Don't be surprised if you get a "that's too bad" response. I let someone stay with me for a month or two until they got back on their feet. A year later I had to kick them out of the house.
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Old 03-11-2014, 12:37 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles
12,114 posts, read 10,240,962 times
Reputation: 32963
Depends how close you are. If it's a lifelong childhood friend then maybe. Anyone else I wouldn't do it for the reasons mentioned above.
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Old 03-11-2014, 12:53 PM
 
754 posts, read 860,022 times
Reputation: 961
I agree with you all and thank you for reaffirming my decision. He knows my situation and has had every opportunity to extend an offer but hasn't. I do wonder what "help" means to him? I think many just want to be polite w/o actually having to do anything. Understandable.
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Old 03-11-2014, 02:23 PM
 
381 posts, read 712,028 times
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I was just thinking, I wonder what your friend's definition of "help" is? Maybe that is the question you should ask him? "I was wondering what your limit would be for helping me out."
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Old 03-11-2014, 03:19 PM
 
8,287 posts, read 11,802,754 times
Reputation: 4948
Quote:
Originally Posted by UEHelp View Post
I have a dilemma - my lease is currently up at the end of the month and am currently unemployed. Recently, my job prospects have improved and have several potential job opportunities which could lead to a new job in the next month.

My original plan was to go back to California at the end of the month and stay with family where rent is free and continue my job search. But now that things are looking promising (at least for the moment), I am reconsidering my decision. I would hate to leave only to return in a month's time to start a new job.

I have a friend who has asked how he can help me several times. He fully understands my dilemma and has the means to invite me to stay with him but hasn't. I am considering just coming out and asking if I could stay with him for 2 weeks to a month at most but am reluctant to do so. My feeling is that "help" can mean many things and can just be a polite way of being supportive w/o actually offering any real assistance. I feel that given he knows my situation, he would have just asked if I wanted to stay with him. Being that he hasn't tells me that is an option that's not on the table.

Should I just ask? Or should I just figure something else out? I hate asking and know that will put him in an uncomfortable position should he not want to have me stay with him. But he has offered to help but who knows what that means. I still feel that he would have offered given that I have explained my predicament to him.
This really depends on how close you are as friends. As you have said he has asked you how he can help "many" times".
The best outcome? He will let you "crash" at his place and the "Worst"? he will say no!
If he is a "true friend" you shouldn't be asking this Question.
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Old 03-11-2014, 10:32 PM
 
Location: Tennessee at last!
1,886 posts, read 2,011,207 times
Reputation: 3790
If you do end up asking to move in, discuss the time limit up front and be prepared to move out on the day you agreed to. Overstaying your welcome will ruin your friendship.

You may also ask him if he knows of anyplace you could stay e.g. house sitting or pet sitting for someone on vacation, or a 'couch surfing' type of arrangement and see if he volunteers to let you stay with him..
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Old 03-11-2014, 10:46 PM
 
Location: New Orleans, LA
1,725 posts, read 3,123,925 times
Reputation: 2928
I would never ask someone to let me stay with them like that, but then I have a more independent nature than some.

Just in case your friend is being especially dense about this, what I might suggest doing instead is mention to him in casual conversation that you are going back to California to stay with your parents because you have nowhere to stay until one of these jobs pans out. But if you do that, be prepared for your friend to give you a warm farewell and don't resent it if you get no offers to put you up.
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Old 03-12-2014, 01:25 AM
 
Location: California
30,509 posts, read 33,322,731 times
Reputation: 25977
1. If you leave I wonder if those job prospects would even pan out so going back in a month may be moot.
2. Like others have said, tell you friend what's going on with details about those prospective jobs and the decisions you are facing. Ask his advice. He may extend an invite to you or he may not.

The truth is you may have to move and come back, or just move and stay moved. You could also put the word out to other people and see what comes up because you never know. If you can float a loan from family to stay put for another month in your current place that would be ideal.
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