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Old 04-16-2014, 01:50 PM
 
Location: Hollywood
39 posts, read 73,908 times
Reputation: 27

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I moved out of my Mom's house when I was 17, to Philadelphia, for college (about 3 hours away from where my family lives). I am 23 now and this past September I moved to LA with my boyfriend. His company relocated us and paid for everything. I have a full time job in my field, but it's miserable and stressful. We get along great and live in a nice apartment and everything is comfortable.

The past 2 months, I can't stop thinking about how homesick I am. I miss my mom and my friends. My grandmother has just become ill and I feel so terrible about not being there to spend time with her. I never felt like this in Philly (maybe because it was a short trip home?) We have friends here, but I don't feel a connection with them like any of my friends from the east coast. There is no sense of community here, everyone is a tourist.

Recently I've been considering either moving back in with my mom (she lives alone) or moving back to Philadelphia. I feel terrible because I agreed to move out here, but my boyfriend says he would NEVER move back (and he can easily transfer locations through his company). Am I being too selfish to leave? I can't imagine starting a family out here and not having my children spend time with their grandparents, etc. I don't understand how he doesn't miss his family at all.

I was also considering taking an extended trip home (2 months or so), but that would not be great financially.

Do I really hate LA or am I just looking for excuses? Everyone says I am crazy for wanting to leave haha.

The weather is great, but it just doesn't feel like home to me. Has anyone else had this issue? Did you get over it with time? (I have been here 7 1/2 months). Am I being a huge baby about the whole thing?
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Old 04-16-2014, 02:03 PM
 
1,107 posts, read 1,873,174 times
Reputation: 1563
Nope, you arent being a baby. Follow your heart and your instincts. Maybe you could take an unpaid leave of absence from your job and go home and think it over for a couple of months? You could see family and give yourself time to think it over.
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Old 04-16-2014, 02:23 PM
 
12,677 posts, read 14,059,781 times
Reputation: 34733
Quote:
Originally Posted by ennaaxelam View Post
...The past 2 months, I can't stop thinking about how homesick I am. I miss my mom and my friends. My grandmother has just become ill and I feel so terrible about not being there to spend time with her. I never felt like this in Philly (maybe because it was a short trip home?) We have friends here, but I don't feel a connection with them like any of my friends from the east coast. There is no sense of community here, everyone is a tourist.....
Seven and a half months is no time at all to adjust to a new environment, make friends, etc.

However, you sound very much like pining for your relatives is very much preoccupying you, and that means any place far from home is going to be unpalatable...not just LA. .

I graduated at 22 and thought striking out on my own was what I had been aiming for...and it was.

Maybe it never was for you. Half the people in my class still live within fifty miles of their families. Maybe you are in that fifty percent. But don't blame LA if you go back, it may really be about the need you feel for the security of your birth family. You say you "get along great" with your boyfriend, that does not sound like it trumps your need for your family by any means

I wasn't crazy about LA myself, and couldn't wait to leave, but it was for another distant place.
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Old 04-16-2014, 02:31 PM
 
Location: Dallas, TX and Las Vegas, NV
5,686 posts, read 4,408,388 times
Reputation: 11639
When I was in my first marriage, we moved from my college town (which was a long distance from my family) to a midwestern city. I settled in to my job and made friends, but I became homesick. Eventually we moved several more times and I became a mother. I adjusted to my life as it was. After 10 years of marriage, I divorced my husband and stayed where I was living because it would have been financially hard to move and my parents did not offer me refuge. My life has turned out fine, but I sometimes reflect on how things would have been if I had moved back to the area where I felt I belonged. I think I would have avoided much hardship, I would have been a better parent. My kid has not had the benefit of extended family that he would have and I think his childhood would have been happier growing up around family. I believe if I had felt "at home" with my husband, I would not have felt homesick and something was telling me the relationship was not where I belonged. Wish it had not taken me so many years to figure it out.
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Old 04-16-2014, 02:59 PM
 
Location: Hollywood
39 posts, read 73,908 times
Reputation: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by kevxu View Post
Seven and a half months is no time at all to adjust to a new environment, make friends, etc.

However, you sound very much like pining for your relatives is very much preoccupying you, and that means any place far from home is going to be unpalatable...not just LA. .

I graduated at 22 and thought striking out on my own was what I had been aiming for...and it was.

Maybe it never was for you. Half the people in my class still live within fifty miles of their families. Maybe you are in that fifty percent. But don't blame LA if you go back, it may really be about the need you feel for the security of your birth family. You say you "get along great" with your boyfriend, that does not sound like it trumps your need for your family by any means

I wasn't crazy about LA myself, and couldn't wait to leave, but it was for another distant place.
I was always SO independent though. Once I moved away, I neverrrr wanted to go back. I didn't go back to visit on weekends, I even skipped holidays. Why am I all of a sudden turning into this crazy family-missing person?! hahaha
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Old 04-16-2014, 03:01 PM
 
Location: Hollywood
39 posts, read 73,908 times
Reputation: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post
When I was in my first marriage, we moved from my college town (which was a long distance from my family) to a midwestern city. I settled in to my job and made friends, but I became homesick. Eventually we moved several more times and I became a mother. I adjusted to my life as it was. After 10 years of marriage, I divorced my husband and stayed where I was living because it would have been financially hard to move and my parents did not offer me refuge. My life has turned out fine, but I sometimes reflect on how things would have been if I had moved back to the area where I felt I belonged. I think I would have avoided much hardship, I would have been a better parent. My kid has not had the benefit of extended family that he would have and I think his childhood would have been happier growing up around family. I believe if I had felt "at home" with my husband, I would not have felt homesick and something was telling me the relationship was not where I belonged. Wish it had not taken me so many years to figure it out.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. This speaks volumes to me! <3
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Old 04-16-2014, 03:17 PM
 
Location: Montana
1,752 posts, read 1,652,291 times
Reputation: 5951
Go home for a week's vacation.

My bet is that you are a little homesick, and a visit will get it out of your system, and you'll be glad to come "home" to LA.
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Old 04-16-2014, 04:04 PM
 
Location: Florida
22,252 posts, read 9,457,094 times
Reputation: 18178
Quote:
Originally Posted by ennaaxelam View Post
I moved out of my Mom's house when I was 17, to Philadelphia, for college (about 3 hours away from where my family lives). I am 23 now and this past September I moved to LA with my boyfriend. His company relocated us and paid for everything. I have a full time job in my field, but it's miserable and stressful. We get along great and live in a nice apartment and everything is comfortable.

The past 2 months, I can't stop thinking about how homesick I am. I miss my mom and my friends. My grandmother has just become ill and I feel so terrible about not being there to spend time with her. I never felt like this in Philly (maybe because it was a short trip home?) We have friends here, but I don't feel a connection with them like any of my friends from the east coast. There is no sense of community here, everyone is a tourist.

Recently I've been considering either moving back in with my mom (she lives alone) or moving back to Philadelphia. I feel terrible because I agreed to move out here, but my boyfriend says he would NEVER move back (and he can easily transfer locations through his company). Am I being too selfish to leave? I can't imagine starting a family out here and not having my children spend time with their grandparents, etc. I don't understand how he doesn't miss his family at all.

I was also considering taking an extended trip home (2 months or so), but that would not be great financially.

Do I really hate LA or am I just looking for excuses? Everyone says I am crazy for wanting to leave haha.

The weather is great, but it just doesn't feel like home to me. Has anyone else had this issue? Did you get over it with time? (I have been here 7 1/2 months). Am I being a huge baby about the whole thing?
My experience was similar to yours. I dreamed of living in CA my entire childhood in CT. It was when CA was THE place to be. After college, I lived in FL for awhile and then headed to SoCal where my college roommate had moved. After six months there I had to admit to myself that I hated it--the culture, the expressways, the people and the lack of connection.

Talking generalities here--everyone I met was pretty superficial. Everyone said Have a Nice Day and smiled and then turned around and couldn't care less about you. People were really into nice cars and good looks. You were supposed to get plastic surgery, etc. if your looks were imperfect. I didn't really miss the Northeast, but just never felt grounded out there. It felt too big, empty and superficial. I kept thinking that as much as I wanted to get out of the Northeast, the people were really more solid there. That is-- they are reserved, but once someone is your friend, they will do anything for you and are real friends. In CA, I did not really miss my family or the Northeast, just the people vibe and sense of humor (something I also could not find much of out there). I did leave and lived in New Mexico for a few years, then to NYC which I loved. Maybe having things in common with people from the same geographical area creates more of a bond than you realize. I am very happy in FL these days but am happiest when I am in an area where there are others from the Northeast. I also bond easily with Europeans and Brits who often seem to have a similar sense of humor, political views and intellectual outlook as northeasterners.
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Old 04-16-2014, 04:15 PM
 
4,571 posts, read 7,054,651 times
Reputation: 4217
LA isn't for everybody that's for sure. I agree that maybe a one week trip back home might be the fix you need. However, there is a deeper issue here in reading your post. You want to be near your family when you have children...
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Old 04-17-2014, 03:51 AM
 
3,047 posts, read 6,577,228 times
Reputation: 2057
I am sorry you are feeling this way. I had a similar issue with one of my moves. A few thoughts I have is sometimes when you are in a struggle or things are not working out you can glorify another place. That came to mind because you said you have a job that is miserable and stressful so I wonder if you looked for a new job and got one you liked that alone would help.
Also like the others said planning visits home.
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