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Old 07-29-2014, 03:16 PM
Location: Indianapolis, Indiana
42 posts, read 34,882 times
Reputation: 42


I've posted before on this forum and the Dallas forum a couple of months ago regarding a move I was going to make. I recently lost my job here in Indianapolis and have been unemployed for going on 4 months. Prior to losing my job I had some run-ins with the law (2 DUI's within 6 months to be specific) in 2012-2013. I can't make any excuses for them, I was just a very irresponsible and impulsive 22 year old. When I got charged with my second DUI I had just found out that my long-distance girlfriend and I were expecting. To make a long story short, she moved here in the summer of 2013 so I could be apart of our (now 6 month old) daughters life. As I dealt with my legal and addiction issues, I held a couple of retail jobs, went to school, and finally was able to land a position with a hospital that I had been seeking for almost a year. I was grateful that I was given the opportunity to work there despite having 2 DUI charges with one being a felony. That dream came crashing down 2 months after being hired. I was fired due to attendance issues. Again, I don't want to come off as someone that makes excuses, but my license was suspended at the time and Indianapolis transportation is sporadic and unreliable. I made every effort to be at my job on time, but it wasn't enough. Shortly before our daughter was born and I was hired at the hospital, I moved out of my parents house. I got a separate apartment from my girlfriend to appease my Pastor parents. After losing my job, she had me move in with her and we found someone to sublease my place. While I've been a great help to her around the apartment and with our daughter, financially it's draining her. I interviewed for a position at a hospital in Dallas and got the job offer, but it was rescinded upon discovery of my felony (which was disclosed during the interviewing process). That was last month. A friend of mine recently moved to Dallas from Indy and has a decent paying job. He got me in touch with his boss and we discussed me moving down there. I would be staying with my friend and contributing. I would be doing contract work and the pay would be more than enough to financially assist my girlfriend and our daughter for the time being. My girlfriend and I are suffocating because of bills, and she's encouraged me to go down there at least temporarily until I can find something back up north. My parents are encouraging me to move back home with them. The only thing is, they don't know about my job loss. My pride won't allow me to tell them, and it's no one else's responsibility to take care of a grown man with a child of his own. I'm planning on taking a bus to Dallas next week, but I'm starting to get cold feet. Any advice would be appreciated. I'm trying my best to keep my cool regarding the situation, but it's difficult.
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Old 07-31-2014, 11:44 AM
Location: Des Moines Metro
5,055 posts, read 6,020,437 times
Reputation: 9437
she's encouraged me to go down there at least temporarily until I can find something back up north.

+1. You need to go.

My parents are encouraging me to move back home with them.

-1. You are an adult with responsibilities. As you stated, and it's no one else's responsibility to take care of a grown man with a child of his own.

Why are you getting cold feet? What is your gut telling you? Do you not trust your friend? Are you afraid of getting stranded down there? Figure that out and then figure out a Plan B. At the very least, find: TX legal aid, nearest library (so you can use the Internet), temp job agencies - write down this information and take it with you.

Also, how are you going to overcome the problems that caused you to lose jobs before? You don't have to explain here, but you must have a plan in place. Examples:

1. Anger and stress may have caused you to drink after work. This time, you will go work out instead of going to the bar. If you can't afford that, go jog for free at a park.

(Attend AA meetings if this is an ongoing problem. You must get a handle on the drinking and may need to give up alcohol entirely for now)

2. Attendance was an issue at your last job. This time, you will save enough cash so that you always have enough to take a taxi to work if something happens.

You get the idea. Plan ahead. I also don't like the idea of there being no legal agreement between you and your girlfriend. She could get another boyfriend and then sue you for child support. I posted something to that effect in your last thread. At the very least, go talk to them at legal aid (free to very low cost!) before you leave. Know your rights and responsibilities before bigger problems develop. Don't just take her word on things.

Planning ahead and having a Plan B and Plan C is part of being a responsible adult. You can do this!

Added: is there someone in your life who is older and can give you wise council? Seek out this person and discuss your plans. I realize that's what you are trying to do by posting this thread, but it's nice to have a person who knows you, who can check up on you as you're getting established. This is normally the role of a good parent, but a lot of us had dysfunctional parents! Still, there are elders around (not necessarily relatives) who are worth consulting. Keep your eyes open for one.

Last edited by Meemur; 07-31-2014 at 12:03 PM..
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Old 07-31-2014, 12:51 PM
2,998 posts, read 4,702,497 times
Reputation: 2106
I sold my car, quit my job and sold everything and moved to San Diego. Did that while I was 40
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Old 08-03-2014, 01:08 PM
Location: BC, Canada
32 posts, read 37,277 times
Reputation: 10
We sold everything and are moving from Vancouver, BC to the LA area. It's scary, it's a rush, nothing ventured, nothing gained right?
What's the worse that can happen? It seems like it's already happened, but you seem to be very determined and that's great. I also love how you want to be responsible for your daughter. So you do have some very good positives going in your direction.
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