U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > General Moving Issues
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-02-2015, 02:03 AM
 
Location: Clovis Strong, NM
3,376 posts, read 4,807,843 times
Reputation: 1979

Advertisements

The grass was about as green as where you left.
But after awhile, the soil begins to deteriorate and the grass begins to die.

That's how I'm beginning to see moving to different areas.
You get there and everything seems nice and alright at first, maybe the first year or so.
Then either the neighborhood situation goes south, or relationships begin to sour due to move, or the work situation has gone from good/tolerable to "OH COME ON!!!", or all three at once.

If there's nothing holding you back, then just go.
For a bit, I was afraid of leaving this area, but then I found that life will still go on without me around here.
As it did in the area I lived since I was a kid and finally left a few year ago.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-02-2015, 08:56 AM
 
7,785 posts, read 4,356,630 times
Reputation: 11543
I, too, have been staying where I didn't want to be (my dad was transferred here from our home state -- 1k miles away -- when I was a child) for the sake of my mother, who passed away a year ago at age nearly 95 (I was her sole caregiver), and my job (I retire with a full pension in two years). But now that I'm focusing on where I want to go now that I *can* go, the possibilities are completely overwhelming me! Thankfully, I have some time to figure it out...

Every place is NOT the same, and even WE are different in different environments and with different people. Go forth boldly!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-02-2015, 10:13 AM
Status: "could've~would've~should've used 'have', not 'of'" (set 2 days ago)
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
10,405 posts, read 14,253,901 times
Reputation: 22944
Quote:
Originally Posted by tf2014 View Post
I was asking why people do or say particular things, I wasn't asking to be judged.
All the other responses were people trying to understand, be helpful, or give some advice.
Actually the other responses were all in agreement with you, much easier to appreciate those kinds of responses.
I think that people say those things to you because to some extent it's true that certain kinds of problems can't or won't be solved by moving.
Moving because you don't like the weather, the local politics, the cost of living and other external factors makes sense. Moving because you haven't made friends, dating sucks, and you're bored with your job, well that's not quite so clear cut. Those are the sort of problems that can move with you. Some people find it easier to blame their environment rather than looking inward to see if the problem is their attitude or expectations.
Look really hard at the reasons you want to move before you make a decision.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-03-2015, 07:25 AM
 
3,492 posts, read 4,941,008 times
Reputation: 5382
Hey TF

I lived in a hell hole for a while. I got out and I made darn sure the problems didn't follow me.

People that say "you take your problems with you" are people that are focused on living with intrinsic problems. They have personal problems inside them. When your problems are external, they are things like having shoes that don't fit your feet. When you buy new shoes, the problem goes away. When you move, those external problems can be left behind.

Are you living in a tiny area? If you're unsuccessful dating in a town of under 50,000, that can simply be the small pool. If you're unsuccessful dating in a city of over a million, that's not a function of the available people. You might be able to find another good place to work, but it sounds like you're living in a poor place anyway so the downside to moving across the country is substantially smaller.

I would start researching other cities and asking yourself what you really want in a city. (IE. Low traffic, low taxes, low humidity, good libraries, reasonable housing costs, etc) When you have that list, you can either research the cities individually or bring the list onto the forums for suggestions. If you do the latter, learn how to scan for which people actually have experience with reading requirement lists and suggesting cities that fit.

I am blissfully happy now, having followed a similar path. If I were "forced" (literally a gun to my head and cuffs around my ankles and wrists) to move back there, I would be unhappy again until I could find my way out. My problems were external.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-23-2015, 07:44 AM
 
Location: Des Moines Metro
5,052 posts, read 5,980,760 times
Reputation: 9434
Quote:
Originally Posted by lurtsman View Post
I would be unhappy again until I could find my way out. My problems were external.
That's a really good point about internal vs. external problems! Well phrased, Lurtsman.

OP, as long as you have a firm offer before moving, you'll get no criticism from me. It sounds like your job, neighborhood, and city just aren't a good fit for you. You'll probably have to move where you get your next job but hopefully that will be a more suitable environment.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-23-2015, 07:50 AM
 
7,785 posts, read 4,356,630 times
Reputation: 11543
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meemur View Post
That's a really good point about internal vs. external problems! Well phrased, Lurtsman.

OP, as long as you have a firm offer before moving, you'll get no criticism from me. It sounds like your job, neighborhood, and city just aren't a good fit for you. You'll probably have to move where you get your next job but hopefully that will be a more suitable environment.
I've noticed that those who are happy where they live assume that if others aren't, there *must* be something wrong with THEM... Just your basic regional chauvinism at work there!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-23-2015, 08:03 AM
 
Location: Des Moines Metro
5,052 posts, read 5,980,760 times
Reputation: 9434
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
I've noticed that those who are happy where they live assume that if others aren't, there *must* be something wrong with THEM... Just your basic regional chauvinism at work there!
Perhaps. But to me there's a difference between the 17 - 22 year olds who want to run off to Alaska or Florida with no job or no real skills and the older people with job skills (and experience) who are now under-employed and in rapidly changing apartments or neighborhoods. The latter will probably benefit from the right move. The former will generally benefit from staying put and utilizing their area resources better (job training and such).

Lurtsman really nailed for me with the internal/external problems label. That's a good way to describe the difference.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-23-2015, 08:06 AM
 
7,785 posts, read 4,356,630 times
Reputation: 11543
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meemur View Post
Perhaps. But to me there's a difference between the 17 - 22 year olds who want to run off to Alaska or Florida with no job or no real skills and the older people with job skills (and experience) who are now under-employed and in rapidly changing apartments or neighborhoods. The latter will probably benefit from the right move. The former will generally benefit from staying put and utilizing their area resources better (job training and such).

Lurtsman really nailed for me with the internal/external problems label. That's a good way to describe the difference.
I'm not quite getting your point. I'm gainfully employed (in fact, just waiting for retirement), but have never "fit in" where I live. Externally, my circumstances are seemingly fine; unemployment or homelessness isn't driving the move. But internally, it's not a "fit." That doesn't translate into "internal problems" with me personally.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-23-2015, 08:19 AM
 
Location: Des Moines Metro
5,052 posts, read 5,980,760 times
Reputation: 9434
Otterhere, here's how I see it: your external reality will change in two years because you are going to retire. From a wholistic perspective, your move is in response to that external situation, if that makes any sense, and that is merely my opinion.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-23-2015, 03:14 PM
 
48 posts, read 41,730 times
Reputation: 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by tf2014 View Post
I bought a house a year and a half ago and HATE it. I hate the neighborhood, I hate my neighbors,...

But now I really want to sell, I'm applying for jobs in other areas, and getting the house ready to sell. I don't understand why people think I should remain here. I get the, "you take your problems with you" speech, but it makes me annoyed because if I have spent 7 years unsuccessfully dating, have made nothing other than work friends (all my really good friends live in other cities) than never translate into non-work friends, and a next door neighbor ...

Has anyone ever had this happen? I wonder why "those I love" think I should stay unhappy just so I can say I own a house.
Yes, I can relate. This is where my family is and am now on second time trying to fit a square (me) into this impossible circle. Even though it's a nice quiet, safe area that I'd love otherwise (which is why I tried again), have gone from having friends where ever I lived previously (4 different states, cold turkey - very easy to make friends elsewhere) right back to nobody to talk to, even working at a job I really like because even after 4 years it's impossible to crack the cliques here, and everything you describe.
As for family pressure to stay, mine talked to me WAY more when I was living in other states. Now being so close, it's right back to being nonexistent. You could do a visit to somewhere you'd like to relocate to and get a feel for the people & area which I recommend because 2 towns right next to each other can be like night & day, and rent a while before committing again. I've had the best luck in towns with more transients, with nice mix of people, not so cliquish & "closed". Easy to fit in and not feel like an intruder!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > General Moving Issues
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:59 AM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top