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Old 02-28-2015, 11:25 PM
 
Location: Mooresville, NC
49 posts, read 97,970 times
Reputation: 47

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I want to share our considerations and ask some questions.

We live in PA, considering a move to south NC. Originally, we always knew we wanted to go south, but we had a lot going on here, but that's all changed recently (business-wise). My career has shifted to an at-home job, whereas I had a local independent contractor career and a brick-and-mortar business that failed.

My husband is in IT. It appears his skill set could very potentially draw double what he can find in our area. We have no desire to live in PA's bigger cities.

Now, we had always wanted to wait until the kids are out of school. They are currently in 9th and 10th grade. I know my daughter will love the warmer weather and nicer apartments where we are looking .Plus, they are cheaper AND nicer! My son has a girlfriend here that he will be devastated to leave. I am not looking forward to dealing with that.

Now, with all that said I have a few other concerns. My mother is the other big one. She generally has spent several hours with my kids every weekend since they were VERY young. I am her only child. She won't retire for about 10 more years she has told me. How do I break the news to her? She'll be welcome to visit of course... but I think she will be ANGRY with me. We've never had the best relationship but lately it has gotten a little bit better.

School wise I think the kids will be fine... I know they will fight us. We know it is a good financial move, and I want the kids to go to college near us unless they fly the coop completely which I'd support if that's what they want.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Experiences?

Thanks!
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Old 03-01-2015, 04:25 PM
 
Location: Corona del Mar & Coronado, CA
1,777 posts, read 1,240,640 times
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You have to do what is best for your family overall. 9th graders get over breakups and Mom just has to deal with it. A loving mother would want you to do what is best for your family, even if it means separation.
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Old 03-01-2015, 04:30 PM
 
Location: Mooresville, NC
49 posts, read 97,970 times
Reputation: 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by TimTheEnchanter View Post
You have to do what is best for your family overall. 9th graders get over breakups and Mom just has to deal with it. A loving mother would want you to do what is best for your family, even if it means separation.
Thank you Tim! I think my mom can be a little self-involved sometimes, so I'm not sure she'll just get over it, but I hope so. We intend to make a plan or maybe even getting a 4th bedroom for our moms to visit and stay the weekend or whatever.
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Old 03-01-2015, 05:25 PM
 
Location: Tennessee at last!
1,886 posts, read 2,019,149 times
Reputation: 3790
I will be moving when my kids are just turning 14, so to help the transition we now vacation where we will be moving. I actually did buy the house we will move into and we stay there on our vacations. If it is possible to take your teens there to let them visit the area and do the fun things it may help in the transition. My kids love going to the laser tag and lake beach when we visit or future home, so we focus on those types of activities there.

I have also brought my adult daughter for a visit there and my mom will be going there to visit next Spring. Maybe you can bring your mom with you for a pre-move visit --let her help be a part of your move. Also assist her with paying for her to ride the train or plane to visit you, combined with you taking the kids to see her, and meeting her somewhere in the middle too.
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Old 03-01-2015, 05:46 PM
 
Location: Mooresville, NC
49 posts, read 97,970 times
Reputation: 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by lae60 View Post
I will be moving when my kids are just turning 14, so to help the transition we now vacation where we will be moving. I actually did buy the house we will move into and we stay there on our vacations. If it is possible to take your teens there to let them visit the area and do the fun things it may help in the transition. My kids love going to the laser tag and lake beach when we visit or future home, so we focus on those types of activities there.

I have also brought my adult daughter for a visit there and my mom will be going there to visit next Spring. Maybe you can bring your mom with you for a pre-move visit --let her help be a part of your move. Also assist her with paying for her to ride the train or plane to visit you, combined with you taking the kids to see her, and meeting her somewhere in the middle too.
Yes we have one 9th grader, one 10th grader. We have an Easter weekend trip planned!

Thanks for the suggestion on the train - we are about a 7 hour drive away now, and it looks like the train would suck. 11 hour minimum for like $100, and we plan to visit at least one weekend a month in the beginning, and thereafter like bi-monthly.
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Old 03-01-2015, 06:37 PM
 
365 posts, read 724,545 times
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Do your children have a good relationship with your mother?? If they are visiting every weekend are you prepared to end that for them??
As a only child myself, I can tell you that I am grateful that I did not move away from my mother-She had a untimely death at the age of 48.
Think back when you were in High School, would you want to move to a different state and start all over again?????
I know it sounds wonderful on paper and when you write on a forum--warm weather-more money- but in reality, its much more complicated isn't it..........
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Old 03-01-2015, 07:07 PM
 
Location: Mooresville, NC
49 posts, read 97,970 times
Reputation: 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by TughillTina View Post
Do your children have a good relationship with your mother?? If they are visiting every weekend are you prepared to end that for them??
As a only child myself, I can tell you that I am grateful that I did not move away from my mother-She had a untimely death at the age of 48.
Think back when you were in High School, would you want to move to a different state and start all over again?????
I know it sounds wonderful on paper and when you write on a forum--warm weather-more money- but in reality, its much more complicated isn't it..........
They spend time with my mother every weekend, but unfortunately as of late she is making it hard for me to parent effectively due to her comments about "what happens at grandmas stays at grandmas" effectively undermining me. Our relationship is up and down. I think distance may strengthen all the ties. She needs to get her own life. Soon enough the kids will be going away to college, and they'd be getting busy with part time jobs anyway. I don't mean to sound insensitive, I love her, she's my mom. But she makes much more effort in her relationship with my kids than she does with me.

Thinking back to my youth, growing up.... number one we DID move a lot. Made me adaptable. Made me LOVE adventure, embrace change. I didn't always like it and I did BEG my mother to stay at one high school. However, my kids have been at this school district since 2nd/3rd grade, so they haven't really had that experience. Also important to note is that looking back, most of my people from high school... even being there 4 years, I keep in touch only on facebook and just in passing. They are not a major role in my life and never have been after graduation day.

Birth to age 18 is preparing to go out into the world. My kids were pretty dorky when they were younger... so they both would have an opportunity to reinvent themselves. I don't think it would end their "life"... and I do think that our entire family unit would benefit and enjoy the improved lifestyle.

I DO appreciate your input however, and it gives me things to consider.
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Old 03-01-2015, 07:49 PM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
1,539 posts, read 1,713,898 times
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My oldest is 13 and we have moved every 3 years since he was born. The latest move came when he was starting 6th grade and was by far the hardest ever for him; socially, academically, emotionally. People like to say "kids are resilient, they bounce back" and while that's true to a degree; it isn't without profound struggle. I wouldn't put my kids through that willingly, especially as teenagers. Some kids may be up for the adventure, and want to reinvent themselves. But others, it could have lasting negative effects. Your mother is an adult and she'll learn to deal with a new normal so I wouldn't stress too much about that. I've kept a very close relationship with my family over the past 20 years I've been a military spouse so its just about putting forth the extra effort. I'm sure there are others with great experiences with moving teenagers; but with my family, I wouldn't do it.
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Old 03-01-2015, 09:15 PM
 
Location: Mooresville, NC
49 posts, read 97,970 times
Reputation: 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by cjmeck View Post
My oldest is 13 and we have moved every 3 years since he was born. The latest move came when he was starting 6th grade and was by far the hardest ever for him; socially, academically, emotionally. People like to say "kids are resilient, they bounce back" and while that's true to a degree; it isn't without profound struggle. I wouldn't put my kids through that willingly, especially as teenagers. Some kids may be up for the adventure, and want to reinvent themselves. But others, it could have lasting negative effects. Your mother is an adult and she'll learn to deal with a new normal so I wouldn't stress too much about that. I've kept a very close relationship with my family over the past 20 years I've been a military spouse so its just about putting forth the extra effort. I'm sure there are others with great experiences with moving teenagers; but with my family, I wouldn't do it.
Middle school is the ABSOLUTE worst! I went to school A for 1/2 of 6th, moved to school B, then back to A, which is where I stayed for high school. At least in high school the kids aren't SUPER awkward anymore, just kinda awkward! LOL

Thank you for the insights, especially about my mother.
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Old 03-01-2015, 09:35 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
9,080 posts, read 8,235,546 times
Reputation: 19661
My honest opinion is that you have three more years until your kids are out of high school.

I'd wait until then.

The south is a funny place and high school can be hell.

While your kids will make friends, they will be outsiders because they didn't grow up with the other kids.

Kids are mean.

Can you have a family meeting and discuss it with them?
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