Dealing with moving along with a night mare in-law. (packing, cheaper, schools)
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We are moving to Florida probably within a couple months the problem we are having is my father in-law hes been a nightmare and is going to make this move unbearable if he has his way, his wife my mother in-law is being supportive along with my mom (my mom will join us in a yr after her retirement along with a cousin and an uncle) the problem is he is trying to rock the boat literally telling lies (which is normal for him) and saying my husband told him the night before he really doesn't want to move, when I ask my husband he says No I never told him that and you know better than to believe anything he tells you. Tells us a thousand reasons why we will hate living there, and how could we leave him and not stay and take care of him, I could go on for days and write a book about him, he is seriously mentally unstable (his own brothers have tried to tell him you are sick and need help but won't) my husband and him do not get along the greatest but hubby deals with his bull because hes a great guy and regardless of what he has done to him it is still his dad, I won't get into serious detail other than as things get closer for us he makes a bigger deal and soon will be crying on the phone and yelling at us, we can not stay where we are, my daughter just graduated, my son will be a sophomore and has wanted to move for a couple years now, my kids do not like my father in-law and for good reason, he screams, yells, hes lied to them numerous times, hes cried like a baby because he is supposed to do dishes and will cry real tears to get out of it, he has kicked objects at them, called them names and I could go on and on, and he wonders why they do not want to be around them. Our town consists of 900 people, our post office is closing and our only grocery store is right behind it leaving this town a ghost town, my husband is not happy where he works now, and we have told my father in-law we someday would be moving he just never thought we really would. This will be a huge opportunity for my husband with lots of room for growth he has another 25+ years to work before he can retire, better schools in Gulf Breeze Fl and living for my son, and more opps for my daughter and myself. We have nothing in our town within a hours drive to do, so this move is perfect for us right now, just trying to figure out how I am going to deal with the father in-law because he already calls 10 times a day, and think the world owes him everything and is causing problems already. Not looking forward to the packing and moving as it is let alone having to deal with someone of his caliber on a daily basis. I am usually pretty easy going and a very happy loving life kind of person but he has ticked me off sometimes to the put where I have to tell him off because it is the only time he listens.. Anyone else dealing with anything like this. Any advise would be awesome. Thanks in advance.
Thanks
AJ
Your FIL is not going to change. You need to do what's best for you and your family and ignore is drama. It sounds like he's toxic and you need to set some boundaries with him. There are several books on the subject that might be helpful or consider talking to a therapist to get some idea about the best way to deal with your FIL.
Stop answering the phone. No one is obligated to speak to him. Don't answer the door, same reason.
Start packing today. Every drawer emptied will get you that much closer to your goal. Let your accomplishments make you feel better rather than worry over your fil.
He won't change. You have to change how you deal with him. Let the rest of the family know that you *need * to cut him off in order to get to your responsibilities. Stick to it, don't give in.
Stop answering the phone when your father-in-law calls.
If you're worried you might miss a call from your mother-in-law, get her a cellphone.
You and your husband need to be on the same page about this. If your husband pleads his father's case with you, tell him you will no longer interact with his father -- and stick to it.
Manipulative people only stop manipulating when it no longer works.
He won't change. You have to change how you deal with him. .
This is one of my mantras - you can't change people you can only change how you react to them.
You say that you know he's mentally ill, how he "plays" you guys, etc etc, but your post shows that you're buying right into it AND HE KNOWS IT.
When you're dealing with someone like this you just say "thanks for your thoughts" and you DO NOT ENGAGE. It's like how you were taught to deal with bullies when you were a kid.
Just keep doing what you need to do to move and ignore him.
Wow thanks everyone, could not agree more. Now here is the weird part, hes been horrible the last few weeks and chatted with my husband last night and told him take the job, your not going to find anything better around here. Crazy things can happen I guess. I will have my guard up for the future and will either not answer or just tell him it is not negotiable to talk about this with you. But I about fainted when my husband told me and I also talked to him this morning and is now even willing to help us figure out a cheaper moving method.
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