Are these good reasons for moving?

[silibran]

I think your mother wants you in NM because of selfish reasons. Think about it: she knows her grands need more than they can get where they are now, but she still wants to find reasons to keep you there. If you view her criticisms in that way, you can find the strength to do what you know you need to do. I am a great believer in making a plan. I like that you have done that.

I don't think you have to talk about this until necessary with your mom. When the time comes, you just tell her that you've already started the ball rolling, and it is definite.

We sometimes have to make sacrifices for the good of our families. This is what you are doing. Your mom will get over it. -Perhaps she will decide to relocate--you never know. But the good of your children is the most important thing. So, I say follow through. Just remember, your mom's motives are selfish. Your motives are selfless.

[NDak15]

Originally Posted by DoodlemomNM

I'm struggling here and figure I'll lay this out for strangers as you have no vested interest in what my family does. My mother is going to be very upset that my husband and I want to relocate. I'll lay out both sides of the issue, our perspective and hers (because I know her and what she will say).

I've lived in one city my entire life (I'm early 40's). I've always hated it here because of lack of weather and It's really hot here. But my husband and I got married and started raising a family here because COL is dirt cheap, he's got an extremely secure job, good retirement options and we were close to both sets of parents. Here is in New Mexico.

Fast forward to 14 years later and 2 kids. Both kids have had serious medical issues. Our oldest had leukemia (diagnosed at 5) and she's a survivor now. Our youngest has cerebral palsy, epilepsy, and vision issues. While our oldest made it through the battle, she suffers PTSD from a very rough 2 1/2 years of treatment. Our youngest has been unable to get good quality medical care in our state and we've even traveled across the country to see specialists just to get him the help he needs. The school system is not working for him despite our involvement.

After much discussion and research my husband and I have come to the conclusion we need to move to get better medical care for our youngest and better quality education for both. While both have medical issues they have been tested as gifted and need more science (we have none in our schools). In addition, it is difficult for all of us to live in a house where so many painful memories were created (diagnosis, medical procedures, quarantine during chemo). My daughter still hates sleeping in her room. A very small plus for me is I will finally get to leave this place and find a bit more weather but that is not our driving motivation, kind of just a side benefit.
Due to medical bills we are currently in debt but have developed a plan to get out of it in 1-2 years time, where after we will relocate. We have no plans to go until debt is paid which is unfortunate as youngest needs better care but we want to make a successful move.

So, My husband and I feel we need this change and have found an area that has better medical, education and is still within 6 hours of our parents (the kids grandparents)-colorado. My husband has a strong job lead there that he will pursue as we get closer. We are fine if either set of folks want to follow and relocate but it's their choice.

My mother will be upset. She love Albuquerque and wants us here. She will say we won't get out what we put into this house. We've done upgrades but she's right we probably won't. She'll say we are in too much debt to move. Again, we are working on it. She will say it's a stupid move financially because we will probably lose money on the house and my husband will leave a secure job with a better retirement plan (but still is going to another government job just retirement plan isn't as good). These are probably true things.

But we need more help for our son. He is falling through the cracks here. And my daughter needs some better after Cancer care as she's struggling emotionally. We've found resources up north that actually interact with the national specialists we've gone to see. That does not happen in our current location.

It's a big decision and I still get very nervous about it. I'm worried her criticism will make me question everything. And I've researched. A lot. Ive read through so many post on our new states forum, ive messaged people who live there, I've called specialists up there, I've contacted schools. I've checked out neighborhoods. Husband and I are planning several trips to check things out. And I still have a year or two to continue to research. We don't need perfect, we just need better.

I guess I'm asking if our reasons for relocating seems solid or sounds flaky. Because I know I'm going to be called flighty and irresponsible for wanted to do this.

Thanks in advance.

Paragraph number two is reason to move. Just make sure you don't end up in the poor house wherever you go if you still have to do something travel for medical care.