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I moved to Missouri with my wife 5 years ago for graduate school. We decided to stay since I found a job here and since we liked it. We like it fairly well here, but haven't been very happy in this small town.
Recently we realized that having no friends or family here is really starting to get to us. We are really starting the miss family. The only problem is that we don't particularly like where our family lives (Raleigh, NC area).
So it looks like we have two options:
1) Move somewhere else more desirable for our own benefit (we were originally looking at Minneapolis) and just visit family during the summer and holidays (which we've been doing, although sometimes it's difficult with work). We don't have any kids, so our parents really aren't missing out on seeing grandkids.
2) Move to be closer to family and just deal with and adapt to living in NC. Our parents and other family members aren't getting and younger and seeing them once or twice a year isn't ideal.
I'm sure plenty of other people have been in this dilemma before. What did you do?
I think our biggest issue is not having any friends or contacts outside of work here. It's just so hard to meet people in a small town, especially if you aren't a native. I think it would be easier to deal with being away from family if we had friends to talk to.
If family is highly important then move closer now before you have kids because whatever you can afford to do and are capable of doing will DRASTICALLY drop when babies are involved.
I'm sure plenty of other people have been in this dilemma before. What did you do?
6 months ago, we moved from Denver (where we had lived for 3 years) back to Houston, which is where we are from. We had originally moved to Denver for the quality of life, and we were very happy there with the city, the beauty of the mountains nearby etc. However, we had been away from Houston for 15 years and were very far away from family and friends, and I had no close relationships with anybody in Denver.
With all our parents in their mid 70's, I started to feel the pull of home luring us back, especially since we have young children and want them to have good memories of their grandparents, and they have already lost one (my mother). In a way, it was hard for me to give up living in such a desirable city like Denver, a place where so many people seemingly want to live, but I am happy we came back home. At this point in our lives, the accessibility of friends and family trumps how wonderful it was to live in other places.
I'm sure plenty of other people have been in this dilemma before. What did you do?
I always lived where the job was. My brothers did the same, and our family was scattered all over the world. We just had to deal with it even though we would have liked to live closer to one another. I really don't see much choice that is consistent with good career development, especially with good jobs being as tough to find as they are these days. Well, unless you have one of those enviable jobs that allows 100% telecommuting (mine didn't).
Luckily, technology can make distances seem so much smaller. Skype has been wonderful for many families that can't live in the same community. A friend's brother-in-law who was in the military and stationed in the middle east (but not in a war zone) was able to call up his family on Skype frequently. That was wonderful, especially on holidays like Christmas, when his kids could "be with Daddy" at least to that extent, show him their presents, and so on. Maybe you could set your parents up with Skype and show them how to use it.
As for making friends in a small town, you won't make any unless you put a lot of effort into it initially. Of course you want nice people as friends, and that is reasonable, but at the same time don't be overly picky. Also remember that most people don't have room in their lives for more friends, and if they don't that's OK - - there are also some who do. Make some friends, and they will introduce you to their friends who will introduce you to their friends, and pretty soon you will have a big social circle from which to choose your closest friends. Think of the task of making friends as more like a job, something that you have to do whether you feel like doing it or not, until you have some friends.
What kab0906 said. Coincidentally, we live just a few minutes from Raleigh ourselves. But my family is in PA and hers is in FL. The cool thing about the East Coast is if you live somewhat centrally, you're only a day's drive from most of the states on the coastline. New York City is less than 8 hours North, and Orlando is about 9 hours South from Raleigh. So find your ideal spot on the coast and you can visit "the fam" over three-day weekends or longer.
What kab0906 said. Coincidentally, we live just a few minutes from Raleigh ourselves. But my family is in PA and hers is in FL. The cool thing about the East Coast is if you live somewhat centrally, you're only a day's drive from most of the states on the coastline. New York City is less than 8 hours North, and Orlando is about 9 hours South from Raleigh. So find your ideal spot on the coast and you can visit "the fam" over three-day weekends or longer.
I'm liking that option. The problem with living in the Midwest is that it's too far to drive to NC over the weekend, and too much of a hassle to fly for the weekend.
If I lived 5hr away from family, driving for the weekend wouldn't be a problem.
But the more I think about it, the more I realize that Raleigh isn't such a bad place. Sure, there are places I'd rather live, but Raleigh had everything I needed. I think I was just tired of living in the same place for my entire life and wanted a change. I also wanted some time away from family. It's been fun, but now that reality has hit (5 years later), I realized that it was me with the problem and not NC or Raleigh.
Draw a circle of a 200 mile radius of Raleigh and see what cities it might include? 100-200 miles is definitely doable in a weekend, for special occasions and holidays, but not so close as to develop a dependency on each other.
Larger cities/communities have more transient population, so it's likely that you could be in another part of NC/SC and still be within driving distance to "home" as well as find other people that have moved around more frequently, who would also be adapting to a new area.
If family is highly important then move closer now before you have kids because whatever you can afford to do and are capable of doing will DRASTICALLY drop when babies are involved.
Why is there always the assumption the couple wants kids? Maybe they don't want them. However, I completely agree that OP doesn't have to be in NC. I also agree with whoever said that a big advantage to the East Coast is that so many states are only a day's drive away. It sounds like you are close to your family members, OP. I'm not sure if you completely ruled out NC, but if not Charlotte, is a beautiful large city that offers great job prospects, and it's only 2 1/2 hours away, which is just far enough that your family can't drop by but close enough that you don't need to take vacation time to visit If you want to move south, you can also check out Tennessee and Georgia. The people are so friendly and the climate is quite nice. Then there's South Carolina and Virginia. There are a lot of options that give you some distance but not too much.
Family isn't always what it's cracked up to be..... However, if you have a close relationship with both your families, then move closer to, but not on top of, them. Like the OP said, maybe something within weekend driving distance.
It's probably in your best interests to move to a place that you WANT to live, don't let "being close to family" determine where that is, because if you're NOT happy where you live, family WILL NOT make that much difference; and, eventually, you may blame them for your unhappiness.
It's a no-brainer to me that I'd rather live closer to family because I get along well with them and like to see them often. Good family relationships should always win out over location, IMO. I would not be happy living somewhere that makes me feel isolated, unconnected to loved ones, and friendless because of a job. I would do it maybe for a 2-3 years, to gain experience. But I'd definitely move back close to my loved ones as soon as I could. Also, since you are both from Raleigh, don't you still have some friends there? If so, rekindling some of those old friendships may be a possibility.
Good relationships are more important than a job. You will have many jobs, but you only have one family. What a shame to not be able to spend as much time with them as you'd like in their final years.
I don't see the point of moving to MN if you desire to maintain close relationships with your family members, as you will still be in the same position of being far from family and without friends. Finding a job in your field, close to family, is a much better idea.
Like others have stated, you don't have to live in the same town. But you could choose somewhere within a 2-hour drive of Raleigh.
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If you want to move south, you can also check out Tennessee and Georgia. The people are so friendly and the climate is quite nice. Then there's South Carolina and Virginia. There are a lot of options that give you some distance but not too much.