Can't agree where to relocate - climate vs family (relocation, jobs, address)
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Could use a big ol' pile of advice from less biased people:
I've lived in the Pacific Northwest all my life, and for as long as I can remember I've always hated the weather here. My husband and I grew up in Oregon and now live in Seattle for work his purposes, but we've grown to hate Seattle and would like to relocate. As you can imagine with my feelings towards the dreary NW weather I'd like to live somewhere warm, and I've always wanted that to be southern California. Yes I've been there plenty and still enjoy it. I'm used to the traffic and the high costs too thanks to Seattle's recent huge rise in living costs.
So after a few years of complaining about being cold all the time my husband finally agreed to give California a try. We visited some friends and family earlier this year in Orange County and loved it. My husband agreed that if he liked it we would try to move there. He gave it his all for these last couple of months, we made it clear on his applications that we would be covering all relocation expenses and still no bites. I'm currently a stay at home mom to our 1 year old and even if I wasn't...with my line of work I could only bring home enough money to cover childcare costs. So my help is a bust.
I have no desire to go back to Portland, but we do have our parents and old friends there. My husband on the other hand would rather move to Portland more than CA due to the above reasons. We had a conversation recently where I agreed that I would rather live in Portland than stay in Seattle and he took that as its cool for him to start applying to jobs in Portland. Now I really regret saying that as I hadn't thought it through enough. Well now he has a possible job there, he still may not get it but he's a contender so I'm mentally preparing for it. If he does get it I will be happy for him since he wants it and agree to move to Portland but...not happily. I know that a move there will mean he won't want to try to get a job in CA again, probably ever. I know he'll be happy in Oregon with his family close by. But obviously I'm having a hard time with this because I don't see how I can be happy in that climate ever unless I go through hot flashes during menopause or something. That's still probably 15 years away. Even then so it's still dreary in this climate.
I don't want to spend my whole life wishing I lived somewhere else, and never really getting the chance to even try something new. But maybe I'm just being selfish and a move back to Portland could be the right thing for my family. So anyways what should I do? Should I just say screw it and decide to live the rest of my life complaining about the weather? Maybe I can learn to bottle up my feelings. Or should I be stern about my need to live somewhere else? Which could definitely lead to marital problems that I don't want. My marriage is still more important to me than anything else including the warm sun. I fear that either way there's going to be resentment from someone.
I have asked that if we could reopen the topic of moving to CA after 18 months in Oregon, but he says he couldn't make any promises because if things were going well he wouldn't want to move. Understandable but not encouraging for me.
Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for any advice!
There is more to California than orange county. How hard did he look into other areas?
Definitely, but we only tried Orange County (and a little bit of LA) due to the family and friends we have in that area. I even have designated babysitters down there as opposed to where we currently are.[/quote]
I am not close to my family, but if I was, I would never choose weather over them.
I'm not very close to my family either, but yes good point. I do have to admit I fear we will be too close to family in Portland and I will get sick of them!
All of my family is originally from Ohio. All except the in-laws have moved down to Florida. Never been really close with them in adulthood beyond the odd holiday get together. But we have no children, with a 1 year old having a family support system nearby would be nice I would think.
We hate the heat and love 50-70 overcast days...so we moved to Vancouver, WA. Course we got here last summer when it was 103 degrees and everything was on fire, so that wasn't the best of first impressions.
Complaining about being cold here seems odd. It stays so warm through the winter here. But I guess you haven't lived somewhere where it gets down to a -30 wind chill and snow that sticks around for months. As my wife said during our last winter in Ohio, "the air hurts my face, why do we live somewhere that is so cold the air hurts my face"? But you have the option to go visit that in the mountains on demand. Heck there were days here this past winter that were warmer than my parents place down in Tampa.
I don't post here very much, but I had to log on to tell you to fight for California if that's what you really want! I grew up in cold, cold, northern Wisconsin and Illinois and I always knew I would get out due to the dreary winters. The first chance I got, I moved to Florida, then Los Angeles and now finally New Orleans, which finally feels like home to me.
I am extremely close to my mom and my younger sister, who still live in the Midwest, and living far apart has never hurt our relationships. We are still very close and talk/text everyday. I miss them very much, of course, but I knew I would be a miserable person that they wouldn't want to be around (ha ha) if I stayed up there. Long, cold winters have made me depressed since I was a teenager, and that is never going to change.
You only have one life to live so you need to go where you will be the happiest is how I feel. I know SO many people stay in the area where their ancestors settled 100 or more years ago, but why? This is a big country and we have to live our own lives.
I'm very, very lucky because I have a flexible husband who has moved all over to make me happy. Try talking to your husband and letting him know how badly you need to live in a warmer climate for your sanity. Speaking from experience it may take a little while to work on him, but stay persistent and let him know how the move can benefit him as well. I feel like if you make the move to Oregon you may be stuck since he won't want to move again for a while. Try to stay where you are at least while you work on your case, lol.
I have a 4-year-old daughter so living so far from family is hard sometimes, but we make sure to see them a few times a year. Also, we talk about family all of the time so they are still a big part of my daughter's life, even from afar.
ETA: Also, from experience, it's almost impossible to get a job from a distance. My husband is a carpenter and has always had luck doing research into companies before we move, and then applying as soon as we get to the new city. He usually has interviews the first week. You can always stay at an extended stay hotel (some even have separate bedrooms like an apt.) for a few weeks while he applies and interviews. He can use the hotel address on his resume to show that he is local.
Last edited by southerngirl17; 07-14-2016 at 04:36 PM..
OP, you might look into getting treatment for SAD. When I lived in the Great Lakes area, I had to sit in front of a full spectrum light box for an hour a night from Jan - Mar and then make sure I walked outside around noon, in order to function.
I moved to Des Moines (IA) two years ago, and guess what? There was enough sun in the winter that I no longer needed a light box -- getting outside most days did the trick. No SAD the last two winters.
Don't listen to people who tell you this is a made-up disorder. I know what I went through. If you need sunshine, you need it or a substitute. The light box may help you to survive in Portland.
Oh how I feel your pain!! I've lived in Seattle my entire life and I'm desperate to leave, but my husband loves it here. I'm still pushing, however.
The damp dark cold here is so hard on me. Waking up to cold cloudy weather everyday in July just makes me miserable. By the time the sun comes out, I feel like I've already given up on the day. Yes we don't have freezing cold winters, but they are cold and dark for a very long time and for some people that is just as painful as 30 degrees below.
Personally, I would recommend Not moving to Portland. Try to get him to give you 2 years in CA before he considers moving. Who knows, maybe you won't love living there and be willing to move at that point. In the meantime, settling for Portland and never getting that chance could make you resentful. I have 2 kids and I find that my dislike for the weather (and crowds, and cost) has just gotten worse as the kids age.
You know the saying.... If Mama ain't happy, nobody's happy! Let me tell you, it's true! Take care of yourself so that you can be a better parent. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
(Ever tried to talk about leaving Seattle to people around? I feel like there's some kind of Seattle booster club that makes me feel crazy for ever wanting to leave!! --- I envy them for feeling that way.)
Yeah I understand some people can't deal with the weeks straight of overcast skies in the PNW. But cold? It never got below t-shirt weather for me
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