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Old 08-29-2016, 02:59 PM
 
Location: A tropical island
4,542 posts, read 4,408,105 times
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I'm curious, if you have moved because of someone else (most common scenario would be due to a spouse's or partner's job), how many is too many? I realize this is a broad question, and specific details always have to be considered before making a major move.

We are looking at the possibility of our 6th move in 8 years (because of my hub's job, a high level, good paying one). I have always moved willingly until this possible move. I love where we are now, the new city is not a place I want to live, hub will likely be retiring in 2-3 more years (which means we will then have to pay for a move elsewhere for retirement), he is able to stay here in his current position if he turns down this move...oh, and last but not least, he is currently going through 8 weeks of radiation for recurrent prostate cancer.

I stopped working with our last move (my resume was looking embarrassingly choppy), so part of me feels my opinion shouldn't carry as much weight as his, but the other part of me says we are still equal partners, and I have been more accommodating (up to now) than most women would regarding our frequent moves. Hub knows I strongly don't want to move, but I have not (yet) said that I refuse.

I have been in quite a funk over all of this, to the point of feeling sick.

What would you do?
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Old 08-29-2016, 04:12 PM
Status: "On The Lookout" (set 24 days ago)
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
28,400 posts, read 61,782,091 times
Reputation: 31960
Quote:
Originally Posted by kayanne View Post
How many is just too many moves?
How many is just too many boyfriends?
Quote:
We are looking at the possibility of our 6th move in 8 years...
...he is able to stay here in his current position if he turns down this move...
oh, and last but not least, he is currently going through 8 weeks of radiation for recurrent prostate cancer.
What's the question?
Drop anchor.

On behalf of everyone else who follows we all wish you well.
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Old 08-29-2016, 04:36 PM
 
Location: Eastern Tennessee
2,512 posts, read 1,799,698 times
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That's a lot of moving. Sounds like you have been moving for job upgrades or more money for your husband but I may have misinterpreted. So those are good reasons to move.
I think it's time for a calm reasonable discussion with your husband about how you feel and your concerns about switching medical providers in the middle of cancer treatment -- especially since he will retire soon.
Some people are just gypsies at heart and are always ready to pull up stakes and 'move on'. I wonder if your husband is like that. Maybe he needs an RV.
He certainly needs to hear how you feel.
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Old 08-29-2016, 08:01 PM
 
Location: A tropical island
4,542 posts, read 4,408,105 times
Reputation: 11162
Quote:
Originally Posted by grampaTom View Post
That's a lot of moving. Sounds like you have been moving for job upgrades or more money for your husband but I may have misinterpreted. So those are good reasons to move.
I think it's time for a calm reasonable discussion with your husband about how you feel and your concerns about switching medical providers in the middle of cancer treatment -- especially since he will retire soon.
Some people are just gypsies at heart and are always ready to pull up stakes and 'move on'. I wonder if your husband is like that. Maybe he needs an RV.
He certainly needs to hear how you feel.
Hmmm, maybe he is a "gypsy at heart"!! For the first 48 years of my life, I lived in the same general area. Then I met my now-hub (2nd marriage for both of us), and I've been what I call a "meandering nomad" ever since. Though a huge change for me, it has truly been a wonderful adventure in many ways, and I have gained new and wider perspectives by living in several different parts of the country. But this time my heart is just saying "enough is enough."

I'm trying to consider all angles, get some CD opinions (things I may not have thought of), and get my thoughts together before having our next in-depth talk about it.
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Old 08-29-2016, 08:33 PM
 
Location: Florida
5,149 posts, read 2,956,447 times
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I would vote for staying put. Think about surviving that cancer and enjoying your retirement years.
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Old 08-29-2016, 08:34 PM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
11,145 posts, read 14,064,565 times
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That is a lot of moves for an 8 year period of time. I'd be exhausted. However, I have moved numerous times throughout my life as well. Right now my goal is to stay put for the next 4 years before I consider making my next move, if I even do.
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Old 08-30-2016, 09:46 AM
 
13,106 posts, read 17,670,397 times
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What benefits will this position bring - immediately and in retirement? Is it a "I can still do this"? Run a spreadsheet of pros and cons. Exit packages are not unheard off.
Not liking a city is very vague. Every place has merits. Sometimes we do not see them until we explore. Can you disclose the city? Only once did I object and that was Casper, WY when SO let it slip that there is a ranch with potential.
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Old 08-30-2016, 02:39 PM
 
Location: Florida Gulf Coast
4,372 posts, read 5,881,192 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Threestep View Post
What benefits will this position bring - immediately and in retirement? Is it a "I can still do this"? Run a spreadsheet of pros and cons. Exit packages are not unheard off.
Not liking a city is very vague. Every place has merits. Sometimes we do not see them until we explore. Can you disclose the city? Only once did I object and that was Casper, WY when SO let it slip that there is a ranch with potential.
Right, those would be my questions too. Is he wanting to move because it's a promotion with big bucks involved? If not (and I understand you said he's already in a high-level position), what is his motivation for wanting to move as well as the company's motivation for wanting to relocate him? Those would be the first questions -- what's the payoff for this, or is it just satisfying his wanderlust?

Otherwise, I think you've been a real trouper so far and he's lucky to have such a willing spouse. Depending on the answers to the questions above, you may have a case, for many reasons, including giving up a place you like for one where you possibly will be unhappy, and what if something happened to him after you're there?
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Old 08-30-2016, 03:20 PM
 
Location: A tropical island
4,542 posts, read 4,408,105 times
Reputation: 11162
Quote:
Originally Posted by Threestep View Post
What benefits will this position bring - immediately and in retirement? Is it a "I can still do this"? Run a spreadsheet of pros and cons. Exit packages are not unheard off.
Not liking a city is very vague. Every place has merits. Sometimes we do not see them until we explore. Can you disclose the city? Only once did I object and that was Casper, WY when SO let it slip that there is a ranch with potential.
I'd rather not disclose the city here, as this possible move has not yet been widely disclosed to hub's company (the person he would replace does not yet know). The main reason I don't want to go to this particular city is the cold and snow. There are other reasons that would be too revealing.

The exit package idea is a good one. If we stay where we are until he retires, we would most likely stay here in retirement (No moving expenses). If we move for the job, the realtor fees and moving expenses when he retires (to get back to somewhere we both want to be) would be at least $75K, which is a lot out of pocket to move somewhere for a couple years.

Last edited by kayanne; 08-30-2016 at 03:32 PM..
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Old 08-30-2016, 03:31 PM
 
Location: A tropical island
4,542 posts, read 4,408,105 times
Reputation: 11162
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avalon08 View Post
Right, those would be my questions too. Is he wanting to move because it's a promotion with big bucks involved? If not (and I understand you said he's already in a high-level position), what is his motivation for wanting to move as well as the company's motivation for wanting to relocate him? Those would be the first questions -- what's the payoff for this, or is it just satisfying his wanderlust?

Otherwise, I think you've been a real trouper so far and he's lucky to have such a willing spouse. Depending on the answers to the questions above, you may have a case, for many reasons, including giving up a place you like for one where you possibly will be unhappy, and what if something happened to him after you're there?
The position is one he has always wanted, though somehow he bypassed it on his way up to VP of his company. It is not actually a promotion, per se. On paper it would be a lateral move, and I doubt any pay increase would even cover the increased COL, state income tax (we currently have none), and our moving costs when he retires. He would be going just because he always wanted to do this particular job, and the company believes he is the best guy they have to run this particular facility (they believe the facility will make $20 million a more year under his leadership---but I don't expect any/much of that to trickle down to us!)

I appreciate your thoughts, and that you feel my hesitation to move again is not completely selfish and unwarranted. Thanks.
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