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Old 08-23-2017, 11:34 AM
 
16,722 posts, read 14,626,024 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wasel View Post
I am wondering what it is with my generation (age around 50-60.) My parents didn't consider THEIR parents' situations at all when they decided where to live. Hell, Mom came from another continent to be here in the USA, and Dad readily accepted a relocation offer that put him 1000 miles away from his elderly parents.

However, my dad would probably go ballistic if my husband and I moved away. Even though he did it to his folks.
Well, to be fair, my parents wanted us to be happy and they loved to travel, so they didn't bark at all when we moved to other states. But, these are the same people that put in their wills what they wanted done medically (DNR), had already paid for their funerals, picked out what nursing homes they wanted to be in when they got to a level they couldn't take care of themselves, etc.

 
Old 08-23-2017, 01:24 PM
 
3,604 posts, read 1,623,198 times
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My husband is retiring and we are moving to be closer to our son ,dil,and granddaughter ( with their blessing) and he was worried that he may move in a few years and we told him not to worry we could follow or move to a retirement community. You should do what feels right for you and your wee family just as your parents did for themselves as they were raising you.

Great advice in this thread. All the best
 
Old 08-23-2017, 04:58 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,460 posts, read 35,922,975 times
Reputation: 62848
Quote:
Originally Posted by wasel View Post
I am wondering what it is with my generation (age around 50-60.) My parents didn't consider THEIR parents' situations at all when they decided where to live. Hell, Mom came from another continent to be here in the USA, and Dad readily accepted a relocation offer that put him 1000 miles away from his elderly parents.

However, my dad would probably go ballistic if my husband and I moved away. Even though he did it to his folks.
This was the situation my husband and I found ourselves in a few years ago - two different versions of it.

Version 1) - His parents moved from their families' homes in Louisiana to Texas. They had no qualms about leaving their families behind, and they never went back other than for the very occasional visit. I guess their parents died of God only knows what back in "Looziana" but they sure never felt any sort of obligation to move back home to help them in their elderly years. Then they settled down in Texas out in the middle of nowhere in a very rural area after retirement and for the life of them, they couldn't figure out why neither of their sons wanted to live in the boonies and help them every day when they got old and sick. Their two sons (my husband and his brother) had established families and careers in larger metro areas. Sorry - not going to move to the end of the earth and make $9 an hour.

Version 2) - My parents moved a state away (twice - first 3 hours away and then 5 hours away) after retirement - they were "following their dream" of moving to the Ozarks. That's right, Arkansas. Look, I'm sure there are some fine folks that live in Arkansas, but I'm not moving there. And neither were THEY - when their own parents (all of them) lived there and were sick and elderly and needing help. Oh no. They waited till all the old folks died off and THEN moved "back home." Well, Arkansas had never been MY home and I had no desire to live there. And once again, this time it was my parents who chose to move to a very rural area and then expected me to drive up there for their medical appts and needs. Nope. And I could never understand why they thought I should do that when they sure didn't do it for their parents.

At least my parents DID figure out that if they expected my help, they better move to where I live - the same place I've lived for nearly 30 years! But they still expected (and expect) me to help with their needs several times a week - indefinitely. Like - till the day they are both dead. This is NOT what they did for their parents, not by a long shot.

Yeah, I don't get this whole attitude.
 
Old 08-25-2017, 02:37 PM
 
7 posts, read 5,117 times
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OP here...
My parents would not be open to travel by plane. They are okay with car travel. We would consider a move to Saratoga springs to have easy access to the adirondacks and a four hour drive to Rochester. My big concern there is that I wouldn't gain much more sunshine. But I'd do a lot more long days skiing so that sun exposure could help?
The flights are such a good point. Living in NH, even southern (we love Portsmouth) would be a longer trip than Denver with connections from Rochester. ROC has very few direct flights. Saratoga puts us one hour from my parents camp in the ADKs where my mother spends most of summer. Their solution is for us to buy property there so we have a get-away but paying taxes on two NYS properties is something I cannot justify. We currently pay $5500 on our $138,000 house. It hurts.
Lastly, you're right about playing up the SAD and physical winter problems. I forget at this time of year but that is absolutely my #1 reason for moving. It's what made me start thinking of a move in the first place. Realizing other things I'm missing came after.
 
Old 08-25-2017, 04:10 PM
 
386 posts, read 207,398 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emc2944 View Post
OP here...
My parents would not be open to travel by plane. They are okay with car travel. We would consider a move to Saratoga springs to have easy access to the adirondacks and a four hour drive to Rochester. My big concern there is that I wouldn't gain much more sunshine. But I'd do a lot more long days skiing so that sun exposure could help?
The flights are such a good point. Living in NH, even southern (we love Portsmouth) would be a longer trip than Denver with connections from Rochester. ROC has very few direct flights. Saratoga puts us one hour from my parents camp in the ADKs where my mother spends most of summer. Their solution is for us to buy property there so we have a get-away but paying taxes on two NYS properties is something I cannot justify. We currently pay $5500 on our $138,000 house. It hurts.
Lastly, you're right about playing up the SAD and physical winter problems. I forget at this time of year but that is absolutely my #1 reason for moving. It's what made me start thinking of a move in the first place. Realizing other things I'm missing came after.
Saratoga sounds like a decent compromise, but as you've noted probably not a huge gain in terms of sunshine. Getting outside and enjoying yourself more often in the winter certainly wouldn't make SAD worse - it could only improve with better access to skiing, hiking and snowshoeing. Heck, West Mountain has night skiing if you need to get your fix mid-week (as long as you're OK dodging the middle school ski clubs). And at least your parents will get to see plenty of your kids in the summer. And in the non-winter months, Thachter State Park less than an hour from Saratoga just started to permit rock climbing and a few dozen sport routes have already been developed. You'll have the Gunks within day-trip distance too and of course the lovely Dacks.

If you would need to be in the Denver-metro area for work, it's worth noting that traffic is brutal getting to the mountains on the weekend so unless you're living somewhere right in the mountains the access isn't easy, but there is more sunshine. Saratoga is probably waaaay cheaper than CO for housing too - could that offset the sunshine factor (maybe a stretch)?

Do you think your folks are going to fly off the handle equally whether you go to Saratoga OR Denver? Maybe tell them you're considering Denver first and if they have a total melt-down (sounds like they're similar to my mom, so they probably will) then throw the Saratoga option out there? Saratoga might sound better to them given the CO alternative. If they hate both choices equally, then it could take Saratoga out of the running at least. My mom would have handled Boston (which I was considering) better than Vegas.


Good luck and keep us posted! Your dilemma hits close to home for me having been through this. Tough decision - either you please your folks by staying but not doing what's best for you and your family or you risk upsetting them but doing what you're pretty sure is best for you. As someone else in this thread pointed out, our parents chose where we lived when we were kids whether we liked it or not. FWIW, that point didn't go over well with my mom... I could have told her I had to move to Vegas to cure cancer and become a billionaire in the process and she wouldn't have cared.
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