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Old 03-14-2008, 02:40 PM
17 posts, read 98,074 times
Reputation: 15


Hello, everyone. My husband has been offered a great opportunity in Seattle. We currently live in Charlotte, NC. I've been here a long time by local standards-- 17 years-- and my hometown is not too far away from here (about a 4 hour drive). I also left a really bad job situation last summer and got a new job that I absolutely LOVE. So, I am having a hard time thinking about picking up and moving across the country all of a sudden. I am going to Seattle next week to check it out, having never even been there....maybe I will feel better after that. I also talked to my boss and they are willing to help me with an internal transfer if we decide to go. That's very nice, especially since I'm still pretty new here; but of course there is no telling how the Seattle office compares to the Charlotte office, and I really love my coworkers here and am working on some fun projects I don't want to abandon....

BUT, for his side of things, the Seattle opportunity would be a big improvement. His current job doesn't have a lot of long-term potential (years of round after round of layoffs, constant worry about when his time will come, etc.). The Seattle job would offer stability and let us kind of get on with planning our future; we've been putting off buying a bigger home and starting a family because his job has been so uncertain the past few years. There really aren't any local companies that could even come close to the opportunity he's got in Seattle, so there's a good chance we'd be forced to move eventually if he did in fact get laid off.

Still, I really, really don't want to leave now that I finally got where I want to be career-wise. Plus, all my friends are here and Charlotte really is "home" for me, even moreso than the town where I grew up.

Obviously, I am full of angst about this whole situation. I am having trouble sorting through all the emotions and fairly evaluating what we should do. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did it turn out for you? I'd love to hear any stories you'd like to share.
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Old 03-15-2008, 09:35 AM
Location: Sunny Naples Florida :)
1,452 posts, read 1,885,125 times
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Well since its fair to give you both situation (ones that worked and others that didn't) I'm gonna give you my outcome..

My husband a got an officer to be a police officer in NH and we jumped on it.. I was excited to go and leave everything I knew behind me for a new life. I had lived in the same town for 24 years in Fla and every person I knew in this universe was there. The market in Fla at the time was astounding and the looks of us ever being able to buy a home there was pretty grim. So in June of last year we moved and settled in NH. I did love it , it was beautiful and I saw a world of opportunities open for me. All was well for about 5 months and the homesickness started to kick in. I wasn't making friends like I thought I would and the town I thought was wonderful was turning out to be not so wonderful.. In Dec my husband voiced his displeasure about the situation, mostly because we had no family and hardly any friends around. We decided the move way far far away was infact not smart on our part and are now moving back to Fla in 4 weeks. Its very very hard to move away from everything you know. It was one thing for us to visit on vacation and love it but it was another to actually live here fulltime. We are thinking of starting a family and it really depressed me to think of how far away I was from all my friends and family and how my child wouldn't be around for birthdays and wedding etc. We missed out on a lot of fun family events and happenings in the past year and I regret that.. Of course not all stories are like mine and some people find great success in moving to another place.. Either way I wish you the best and hope you find your happines
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Old 03-16-2008, 07:38 PM
Location: Back in MADISON Wi thank God!
1,047 posts, read 3,358,684 times
Reputation: 1395
My husband and I were born and raised in Wi. Love it there,most of our family is there,our kids were in a great school,we had just built a house in a great neighborhood.My husband's job changed,and so we moved to eastern Pa last summer.For me,it was a wonderful adventure,even though I loved where we were.I did lots of research before we got there about the area,including the schools. I was no longer working, so I did not have that issue. I can see where that would be challenging for you. I had stopped working 3 years prior when my third child was born and I had had a 20 + year career already.But I think if you start researching where to live and things to do in the area,you could get very excited about the new opportunities.I love where we moved. All our neighbors made us feel very welcome.Our family has come to visit.We have gone back to Wi twice to visit.We feel as long as we are together as a family,it doesn't matter where we are.I think Seattle would be a great place to live! Whatever happens,good luck,try to enjoy the journey.I hope everything works out.
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Old 03-16-2008, 07:46 PM
Location: OKC, OK
640 posts, read 358,491 times
Reputation: 133
My husband convinced me to move away from the only home I had ever known in 1996. He had an opportunity to move up with his employer by transferring to Omaha, NE. I, on the other hand, would have to give up 10 years at my job. It was a tough decision but in the end I agreed to move. I hated it. No family. No friends. Harsh winters. After two years I had had enough. The marriage didn't survive, but I moved home and did.....
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Old 03-16-2008, 08:47 PM
663 posts, read 5,278,871 times
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Well, I had a situation sort of similar to yours. My husband and I moved halfway across the country to a city we'd never been to before (DC), and where we knew no one, but it was for a change of scenery, and not for any job reason. However, I didn't have a job situation that I liked where we moved from, so it was easy to leave that city. But moving to a place we'd never been to and where we knew no one was hard, although it was a decision we made together in order to try something new.

Anyhow, it has been a great decision for us. We love it here and we like our jobs. However, the making friends part has been very difficult. We've been here a year and a half and still no friends. Not for lack of trying, either. We're always out at social groups, etc. but everyone is too crazy busy to make new friends. Other than that, I love it here and am glad we made the move.
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Old 03-17-2008, 05:01 PM
6,764 posts, read 19,754,557 times
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We've made major moves 3 times.
Once from Long Island to Central PA, back in 1994-95. Both my husband and I had a rough time there and didn't have steady work. We moved back by 1995.

In 1999-2000 we moved to England where my husband was from. He decided after that year he wanted to go back to the USA. I was not happy that we had such a scrabble (it's always scrabbling when one person works). But our son was just a toddler and we could not afford our own housing and we had some conflict with his family (or his father's g/friend, rather).

This time we moved in 2007 to Vermont, near NH...
My husband loves it, or he would if I were happy. My husband got a decent job only 2 months after moving here. I haven't been able to get anything decent and I am not ready to work as a cashier. It's very depressing to me. I've been a SAHM for ten years but willing to work (part time) but I never had a chance. My husband works nights and now I have a lot more pressure. I can't do much in the day except look for a job. I find the people 'nice' but aloof here (then again, I found the same where I was raised). I am friendly and kind but like Taratomsgirl said, I expected to 'have some friends' by now.

I try to volunteer but even that seems like 'a members only club.'

I'm just tired, you know, of scrimping, worrying about money, wishing for a bit for myself so I could buy something pretty not practical...

I say you give it a shot. I am not going back to NY but I am not spending the rest of my life here, either.
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Old 03-17-2008, 06:16 PM
Location: Nebraska
4,178 posts, read 9,412,730 times
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We moved to get away from our family and to raise our kids in a more rural and safe atmosphere. We only moved 150 miles away, but we have been here for 24 years.

I have to say that this is the longest I've ever been anywhere! I've lived all over the country, and was married to a husband who was in the AF, and when he got out went traveling for jobs. I've lived in Albuquerque NM, San Antonio, TX, Columbus OH, Lordsburg, NM, and Charleston, SC. While I never stayed long enough to have a job that I loved and didn't want to leave, I have made friends and gotten involved in volunteer work wherever I went.

Now we are planning to move to our 'retirement home' - not like most who head south, we are heading far north. We are buying a large piece of land and an old farmhouse where we can raise our chickens and cows and even a horse or two, and grow our own food. That has always been a dream of ours, and we are going to make it happen.

I have been to Seattle, and it is very beautiful. However, I noticed that the politics was a little too left of center for me; they are very 'green' and very adamant about it. This makes for lovely parks but lots of developmental problems and higher costs for residents close to the city. I have friends who live very rurally nearby who are not affected by the city attitude.

I would strongly suggest that you go to the CityData Washington/Seattle forum and ask questions, talk to people who live there. When we were looking for our new home in the ND/SD/NE area, I did that; got on there and introduced myself, and started asking questions. Most folks on these forums will tell you the good and the bad about their area. They will tell you where you might like to live, what the school systems are like, everything! I've even been invited to a couple of parties later this year! Also, I was contacted by PM by several RE agents who were very helpful.

Then, go out to the city for your scouting trip. (We are leaving this weekend to go for two weeks.) Take your time, look around, ask questions, visit the Chamber of Commerce, ride the public transportation and listen to folks talk. Get a feel for where you want to be. If you attend church, look up churches in your denomination and visit. If you have other interests, see whether those interests like art councils or symphonies fit your ideals. There's lots of info on the Internet, and I always believe in "depending on the kindness of strangers' for my information and attitudes of a place!

PS - The Seattle Needle Is NOTHING like the pictures depict - it is TINY!!! What, four or five stories high?! But the area and the food is pretty cool - check out Pike's Seafood Market for a real treat! Beer Battered Salmon Fingers made it all worthwhile!
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Old 03-18-2008, 08:19 AM
Location: Hampton Roads, Virginia
1,123 posts, read 4,804,262 times
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I can understand how you are feeling ! Moving is one of those top stress inducers. 5 years ago I made a decision to move away from Northern Virginia - away, anywhere. I ended up in Hampton Roads, Va because we had family here and I was already familiar with the area. Change is good !
My son LOVES his school and friends and family is important to us.

However, last spring DH had an opportunity to relocate to the Ft Lauderdale area. Boy, I was so excited!!!! Palm trees here we come! Once it sank in - about a week later - I became a nervous wreck!!! In the end, we decided not to pursue that opportunity until our son graduates (2 years from now). We did vacation there last summer and drove around looking at neighborhoods, strip malls etc (like we lived there) and decided that YES we loved it as a possible home. We now talk about moving to Florida in terms that we ARE doing this at some point.

I think that you have to look at every opportunity as a positive. You only live once and if you don't try new things you will never know. I think that overall, moving to a brand new city is a good thing. There are new people to meet, new foods to try, and new places to explore. Just think of all the places you can go! Airfare to Hawaii is so much cheaper from the West Coast than from the East. In the end, the final decision is yours so you can always move back. Nothing is permanent! Plus, Seattle is home to Starbucks - life can't get better than that!
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Old 03-18-2008, 08:01 PM
Location: Sunny Naples Florida :)
1,452 posts, read 1,885,125 times
Reputation: 513
[quote=GypsySoul22;3169756]I try to volunteer but even that seems like 'a members only club.'

I'm just tired, you know, of scrimping, worrying about money, wishing for a bit for myself so I could buy something pretty not practical...


I completely feel for you, and know its not you. I'm having the same problem as is my husband.. even as his job as a police officer they have not welcomed him with open arms even though he puts his life on the line for these men everyday.. Its a very members only feel with everything and unless your a local you're out.. I'm tired of the scrimping and worrying about money too, cause thats all we do. And its like the heating bills never stop,and the sun never shines ugh its depressing and everything has to be practical up here in NH/Vermont cause its all about survival of the seasons. There is no use almost in anything pretty cause there's nowhere to go and no one to see it, or care lol... Hang in there I hope you find a very happy place where you can be yourself and no worry about how others treat you.. I'm in Fla right now finalizing my plans back in 4 weeks. I've had enough of the attitudes up here and I'm coming back to a more friendly place!
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Old 03-19-2008, 06:13 PM
4,270 posts, read 13,967,409 times
Reputation: 3352
This is a very personal question and I think everybody's experience will be different. We moved a year ago to PHX from upstate NY. Lived there for a few years and before we both lived in TX all of our lives.

Each move was unique and I do not regret any of them. There have been both positives and negatives from each of the moves. You and your hubby will have to decide whether or not this is goin to be worthwhile. It is good that you are considering each other's futures and not just your own. You should also look into living standards. I would say that living in Seattle is goin to cost more than Charlotte. Moving takes up a lot of time, effort and money, even if the company is paying for your move.

Best of luck to you!
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